Help! I'm torn between my wedding ideas and an 8 yr old

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Don’t be bullied by an eight year old! Say she gets to attend as a guest and eat all the cake she can eat.

Post # 3
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Have you asked your soon to be stepdaughter what she wants?

Post # 5
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

 

Rsallythatgrl2:  Give her another role.  Like handing out programs or something.

Post # 6
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If they see each other as sisters, I think it would be nice for them both to be flower girls, as long as they’re both happy with it. Plus, kids get stage fright too, if she has a friend with her, she won’t be nervous.

Post # 7
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I totally get that you don’t want her to feel pressured to let her friend be a flower girl. But I’m just thinking that when I was a little girl I was a flower girl along with my cousin and I thought it was super cool that we were flower girls together. I didn’t care about sharing the spotlight. I cared about having fun with my cousin. So Just think through if she would want her friend to be a flower girl with her just  to make her friend happy, or if she might actually enjoy it. Also, have you thought about doing a family unity ceremony? Like a sand pouring? That would be a really nice way to show how much you care about her and are excited to have her as your family. And she doesn’t need to be a MOH to stand next to you! She can stand next to you as a flower girl! Obviously I would do what you think your soon to be step daughter would really want and not worry about disappointing this other little girl. But really think about what your daughter would want and don’t assume she wouldn’t want her friend as a flower girl.

Post # 8
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

Where’s your friend, the parent, in all of this? I find it odd that your letting an 8 yr old tell you what to do.

Post # 9
Member
42546 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We do not have to protect children from ever experiencing any disappointment in life. She will get over it.

She is going to be the flower girl at her grandpa’s wedding. Your stepdaughter will be the flower girl at your wedding. Score tied!

Post # 10
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Rsallythatgrl2:  Tell her you already have a flower girl, explaining what a stepdaughter is, and give her something else to do.

Post # 11
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

You “owe” nothing to this child, it is your wedding, end of story.  She will get over it, and if she doesn’t that is her mothers problem and not yours, and even then you are doing nothing wrong by putting your foot down.  

Post # 12
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Rsallythatgrl2: Two types of people I don’t negotiate with — terrorists and kids. I kid. Kind of.

I would pull the other girl aside and ask her how she’d feel if your daughter were a FG in the Gpa’s wedding. She probably wouldn’t be for it. If she is, call her bluff. 

Also, at the end of the day, you’re the adult and “because I say so.” is a perfectly valid reason. It worked for my mom and dad when I was a kid and it should especially work now since she’s 8, not 18. 

If you do end up having her in the wedding, your daughter can wear a super special dress or hair piece or something. But I personally wouldn’t give in. Just the way the story’s told reeks of 8 year old entitlement. 

Post # 13
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Kids tend to only get very very excited about being in weddings because some adult is feeding that to them.  

My FI’s niece/nephew barely know what a wedding is or what happens at a wedding or that kids are even in weddings.  At some point, someone tried to get the niece/nephew all excited about being in our wedding.  I don’t particularly care if there are any kids in the wedding- that’s not important to me, but someone got in the kid’s ears to try to make the kids think it was important.  Next thing you know, it isn’t going to work for the niece/nephew’s parents to bring the niece/nephew to the wedding anyway, so they won’t be in the wedding or even at the wedding.  and they’re fine.

kids shouldn’t be involved in these discussions or decisions anyway imo.

The adults who got this little girl excited about being in your wedding can and should easily calm her down about it. (or is your soon to be stepdaughter hyping her up on it?)  And if you or anybody else is talking about the wedding around the other little girl, just stop. completely.  she’ll forget.  she’s 8.

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