Post # 1
Hi! This is my first post on the Bee. I feel kinda silly worrying about this already since it’s at least 2 years until my wedding, but I need some input. This is kinda long.
So I have an amazing little sister (we’re 12 years apart but still very close) who will be 14 or 15 at the time of the wedding (FI and I still haven’t decided 2015 or 2016). Her best friend of the same age (let’s call her Maya) is like a sister to me. We’re very close. She’s been in my little sister’s class since preschool. She was over at our house a lot while I still lived at home, and she’s still over there every other day. Our families know each other well, we vacationed together, and they still do without me. She and her parents came to my mom’s second wedding, that’s how close we are. Maya and I have a great time together
The thing is, I want to invite her to my wedding. FI and I are already working on a guest list since that’s going to be the most stressful part of the planning, and we’ve got plenty of time and might as well get it over with. He is okay with me inviting Maya, he has a small family and is happy to have more guests (seating and space won’t be an issue). Only problem is, my sister and Maya have other close friends as well who are over at the house every now and then. They’re a clique. However, I do not know these kids very well, the only one I’m close to is Maya.
What do I do? If I invite Maya only, it may cause spite and jealousy within their clique, and I don’t want that for my sister or for Maya. But I can’t imagine my wedding without Maya there. There is also the possibility that she would decline, I can’t just assume that she’d be interested in going to my wedding. What would you have done: invited the entire clique or only those you’re close to? Has anyone been in the same boat?
Post # 3
If it was me – I would just invite Maya as she is the one I have the bond with. I am sure the others will understand why she was invited and they weren’t.
Post # 4
I’m a 3 time MOB with 4 girls of my own and it is so sweet to see how much your sister means to you. Having been a 3 time MOB and 2 time bride I am going to suggest that you keep that guest list as a very fluid document. You have a long time until your wedding and I can promise you that relationships will change, you will have guests who might get married or engaged during that time, etc.
It is great to come up with a basic guest list for now, but if you set a hard and fast number this far out and set your guest list now I can promise you in a year or so you guys are going to want to add or subtract people, who’s going to get cut, all that stuff. A basic idea is great, but please don’t set it in stone so far out.
As far as your sister, it is find to invite Maya as you have a long standing relationship with her and I am sure your sister would be thrilled to have her there. Your guest list is for you and your FI, not your sister’s social clique, so do not treat her friends any differently than anyone else you would consider inviting. Invite based on friendship and relationship to you and FI.
You sound like an awesome big sister!
Post # 5
Maya is your friend. The others aren’t. Maya has vacationed with you. The others haven’t. There is no problem inviting just Maya. Even in high school, “groups” do not need to do everything together.
Post # 7
Just invite Maya. Who knows, in 2-3 years they might not be friends with all the other girls anymore. High school does funny things to friendships.
Post # 8
Invite just maya, I think the other will understand since you 2 are very close and you don’t know the other girls as well.
Post # 9
I think you are overthinking it, I doubt these girls are going to care about your wedding it’s probably not even on their radar. I am assuming that you will invite Maya and her family as it seems you are close bunch. By that age I’m sure these will be able to comprehend that your family has a different relationship to her.
Post # 10
Don’t stress yourself out thinking about this now. It’s incredibly likely that your friendships and relationships will change in the next two years.
Post # 11
You just invite Maya and her family. Your family has a close relationship with her family.
My sister was 13 at my wedding. I gave her the option to invite a friend (we had no kids kids, other than her no one was under like 23) but she said she didn’t want to. I asked her a couple more times, just to double check and she still didn’t want to. In our case she loves to hang with us girls, and I think she probably thought her friend would get in the way. It actually worked out fine, because had she brought a friend I would of had to invite the parents. They’re only 13 so they don’t drive, and sister was busy w/ us getting ready all day – and my parents didn’t need to worry with being responsible for someone’s kid.
Post # 12
First and foremost, as you are NEW to WBee… a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
Great advice here from all the other Bees.
As an Etiquette Snob, I am gonna agree however with the post by starfish0116: as the one most fitting…
Maya and her family have a relationship with you and your family… they should ALL be invited. (And that precident was set when they came to your Mom’s Wedding).
Not to mention the fact that Maya will still be a minor at 14 or 15, minors should be accompanied socially (the Etiquette part).
There is no need to invite any of the other girls because YOU don’t have a relationship with them. And well this isn’t your little sister’s event… it is yours (sweet of you to however care about her feelings, and how having a BFF there will be nice for her)
Also, agree with hermom: it is good to get a ball-park number going now (cannot hurt… more so if you are in “saving” mode) BUT that your Guest List will no doubt change many times over between now and the Invites actually go out as life changes… and circumstances… not unusual for a couple to believe they want one kind of wedding, only to find out when up to their necks in planning, that things must change do to budget, timing etc.
Hope this helps,
Post # 13
Thank you guys for the input, and for welcoming me! And thank you for telling me that I should chill about the guest list and not set anything in stone. Relationships change, family situations change. Who knows where FI and I are at two years from now?
You’re right, @TwoCityBride, the wedding is probably not even on their radar. Typically me, obsessing with the wedding so early and thinking it’s on everybody else’s mind too, haha. The kids probably won’t start caring for the wedding until, like, a few months before. I guess it’s a bridal thing. 😉 FI thinks I’m weird for wanting to start planning already.
And thank you @This Time Round for the etiquette tip! Although I must say that when “Maya”‘s parents got married a couple years ago, they only invited my little sister, my mom and my stepdad, not me and my other little sister (we’re 1 1/2 years apart). But that was for financial and spacial reasons, I believe. I was hurt at first, but then I calmed down. They’re closer to my little sister than to me, so they had to prioritize, I guess.
Given that they came to my mom’s wedding and that Maya is a minor, I should probably invite the family. They, however, have three other daughters living at home. I’m not particurlarly close to any of them, but I guess etiquette says I should invite the whole family anyways, given that they are family friends and have vacationed together. And there are no hard feelings anymore about Maya’s parents’ wedding.
Post # 14
TO @MrsJenningsToBe: YES the “right thing to do” would be to invite them all… (Parents & 4 Girls).
BUT if money was tight, you too would be within your rights to just have Maya & her Parents… but if it caused “hard feelings” for your family to have not everyone invited… then it probably would do the same for them.
Something to think about.
Hope this helps,
Post # 15
no just invite maya,i dont see why you would worry yourself over inviting other kids you dont know.this is a wedding,not a bbq and im sure your sister will have more friends by then and a couple of the friends she now hangs with wont be around by then anyway 🙂