(Closed) *HELP!* Is it ok to change plans to a destination Wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Hmmm I can’t comment on the first part. I have never been through that and I really have no idea how I would feel about this.

I just want to talk about the possibility for a DW. Is it important for you to have people with you at your wedding? I had a DW and was lucky enough that our parents and some friends could come with us, but we were prepared to getting married alone if no one could have come. We were completely OK with that (although we might have paid for our parents at least if they really couldn’t make it, IDK). If you feel like you could regret not sharing that day with people, then don’t go this way.

Other than that, DW are great! minimal planning and you get pampered all the time and your guests have a great time. You get to have really good quality time with those that do come, instead of a couple minutes of greeting for the crazy amount of guests you have otherwise.

As for entertaining people, well there’s all kinds of things at the resort, there’s the beach… You really don’t have the pressure of entertaining because guests will want to relax and enjoy the vacation and all, so it’s amazing that way.

You can get all the fun of planning with your friend and sister even if you do it locally, you know. You all going through this stuff at the same time could be exciting. As for the “spotlight”, on your day, it’s all on you – people won’t think about the wedding two months prior or two months after, so I wouldn’t see this as an issue.

So, it’s really for you to decide which way you like the best – there are pros and cons to each.

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If you want these people at your wedding, you’ll want to avoid the destination wedding. Plus, you say it’ll be less expensive for your dad…but in reality, that’s because everybody else has to shell out at least $3000 for them to come to your destination wedding. Sandals is a very expensive resort. Also, it’s adults only. That means no babies–otherwise, it’s not really an adults ony hotel and it loses its appeal. So i don’t really see how this is a feasible option for your family situation, unless you’re totally OK with your friends and sister not being able to come. I couldn’t do it–it’s the main reason we chose a local wedding. None of our friends could’ve made a destination wedding and my SIL was 7 months pregnant when we did get married…it wouldn’t have been the same.

Post # 5
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

you really have to sit and breathe and put all of these outside factors out of your head and decide what truly is important to you to have at YOUR wedding.

i wouldn’t suggest the DW if having people at your wedding was something that was important to you prior to all of these other incidents happening.

however, if it really doesn’t matter and you really have fallen in love with the idea of a DW, DO IT YOURWAY AND GO FOR IT! 🙂

it’s your day and you need to decide what you really want out of it!

Post # 6
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I know a lot of posts on here talk about dealing with someone else “stealing your thunder.”  Honestly, the spotlight isn’t on you until the week of the wedding, and only for those involved with the wedding.  Up until that point, yeah, you’re engaged, and most people are happy for you but the excitement stops there.  There is no “thunder” for a wedding.  It’s more like lightning, it happens fast and flashy and then it’s over.  While it may be frustrating to see other people get married before you, you also can learn a lot from them and their experiences.  They may have advice for you, or things you could use/borrow for your own wedding (like a veil or cake topper).  So the whole first part about you being depressed that other people are getting married first, I’d say try to find the positive in it.

As for your sister not choosing you to be MOH…well…just because you asked to be her MOH doesn’t mean she has to choose you.  She may be closer to her friend or feel that her friend will have more time to help her with her own wedding since you are planning your own.  All you can do now is offer your support for her as a BM (are you her BM?  Your post wasn’t clear on that.).  She’s going to need a lot of support!

For changing your wedding plans…I think you should keep it local.  Changing to a DW sounds like maybe you are lashing out at those who you feel aren’t being as supportive of you as you’d like, so instead you’re going to make it difficult for them to attend.  (That’s all psych speak, I don’t think you’re doing it consciously…)  You should take your time in making this decision and really take into consideration who you would like at your wedding, where you would like it, and how acomodating you want to be to your guests.  You still have A LOT of time to think about it, so let it stew and see how you feel about it in a month or so.  Honestly it sounds like having it in Jamaica would make it nearly impossible for almost everyone to go but your parents.  If that’s really what you want, then go for it.

Post # 8
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Glad it’s more clear to you now!

Post # 9
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Yay, glad we could help.  And thanks for the update!  It’s nice to know what people have decided.

Welcome to Weddingbee!!

Post # 10
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am glad that I came across this post b/c my situation is somewhat similar- in that I wat to change to a destination wedding but its for different reasons. My fiancee and I got engaged about a year and half ago and oct 3 is our wedding date so its coming up quick. He hasnt really been around to help me plan and I have had to make a lot of the decisions on my own.  So with that said, its sort of takin the fun out of things.  Also a lot of my close friends are out of town so they cant help. My mom gets stressed out easily and hasnt felt well (rhuematoid arthritis) amongst many other things- so she complains about having to plan the wedding, even though she does support it (us as a couple).  I just had my shower and got gifts last week.  So that is an issue.  My parents keep complaining about the cost, even though im paying the same and more than them. It just seems like too much stress all around and its three months away and ive been upset more than excited.  My finacee is back and trying to help but we both have to move to VA soon and there are so many changes.

So after a big fight with my mom over trying to get the list down i am at my last straw.  We already booked our honeymoon to ARuba and what i really feel like doing to using the military to get our money back that was put into the recepstion and just do the JOP and get married in Aruba.  I worry about hurting my famiys feelings and i did want this wedding but its not worth all this stress.  I told my bridesmaids i can reimburse them for any costs they cant get back and i have no problem returning gifts.  What i want to do is tell my aunts/grandma/sister/parents if they want to come to aruba and be there then we will get married on the beach and do a small dinner thing and have it more intimate.  Honestly  it would take a lot of stress off everyone and then the people who want to be there will be there. 

 

thoughts?

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