Post # 1
So my fiances sister and I are a day apart. My birthday is March 18 and hers is March 19. . so my fiance decided to purpose on my birthday and told that to his sister and her fiance, and her fiance said that he was going to purpose on her birthday, so we would be getting engaged a day apart. . . so all of a sudden march 16 came around and she and her fiance got engaged then, a shock to everyone. . they tried to beat us to it. . which ended up back firing because we stole their thunder. Her and I are a lot alike so we clash like no tomorrow. . but I was wondering if there was engaged etiquette. Like she got engaged one day before me, just so they could have the first say. . is that true? She has her mom send me pictures of stuff she chose for her wedding so that I dont choose the same thing. Like for instance I went dress shopping today, and her mom sent me a picture of her bridesmaids dresses so I would choose the same style, but I already had that style picked out, sweetheart cut, short, strapless. . Im getting married in May, a month before her, and its the same weather, so were bound to have some similarities. . I just dont understand why she has DIBS. . Then it looks like Im copyin her cause she sent the picture first. Do I engage in this war and start sending her pictures of every possibilty. . or what, is there a right way to go about this???
PLEASE HELP ME. . . I AM FREAKIN OUT.
Post # 3
Im sorry you are going through this. I think the best way would be NOT to send any pics or talk about what you are doing, and ask that she do the same. That way no one can say one of you copied each other and such. While your bridesmaids dresses may be the same cut and length, Im sure since they are different colors once your girls are in them, with hair, makeup, jewelry and shoes they wont look the same at all! And sorry to sound snooty but YOU are getting married before her, it would look like she is copying you since she is getting married after.
Id also talk to your fiance if you dont feel comfortable talking to his mom or sister and ask him to be the buffer and tell them not to send pictures or anything. Good luck (and welcome to Weddingbee!)
Post # 4
Wow, this sounds a little complicated. I would not start sending your FSIL pictures of your wedding choices, and I would politely ask your FMIL to stop sending you pictures of hers (if you can do this without starting an argument). Similarities in your wedding planning are bound to happen since you said you two are similar and I assume share similar tastes. I would just let the planning go where it may. No one is going to say you are copying her or vice versa, and if they do I would reevaluate your relationship with those people. Wedding planning should not be a competition. You both deserve your day the way that you want it, and you should not restrict your decisions based on what one another may or may not have chosen. Good luck! Don’t let this ruin your relationship with your future in laws.
Post # 5
I agree that you should have your fiance act as a buffer between you and don’t engage in any back and forth with his sister or mother. Weddings are not about competition and if you get started with them, that is what it will become.
Welcome to weddingbee by the way!
Post # 6
i think you should get out of this situation but not responding to these silly 5th grade games. seriously…how old is this girl? this is just so immature..i mean it is your weddings! ugh! people really need to start remembering why they are getting married and what the day is about instead of who’s wedding is better. sounds like you are the bigger one here…so please dont ag her on. ignore her and plan your wedding and enjoy YOUR day 😀
good luck and congrats 😀
Post # 7
I think you should explain to her that you are making your decisions independent of hers, so if there is any overlap, you don’t intend it to happen, but you also aren’t going to CHANGE anything just because she may have chosen something similar. Let her know that you appreciate her sending you her ideas, but in the end you are going to plan a wedding that suits YOUR style, and it doesn’t matter to you if it has any similarities to her wedding. Also, your weddings are almost a YEAR away. You’re already picking BM dresses?? It’s honestly a little early to be doing much planning beyond picking a date and maybe finding a venue!
Your best bet is NOT to share any information (which will be hard with your FMIL fueling the feud!!). Explain to your FI that it is making you INCREDIBLY uncomfortable and have him as his mom to STOP IT. You have a right to plan your wedding too, free from outside influence. Just make your own decisions, and share nothing with anyong (including FMIL) until after it has all been done. You may find after a while that she will try to copy you, but no matter what you do, you just can’t copy a wedding. It will always be unique!