- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
Hey bees, so I’m coming to the sad realization that putting up boundaries with FMIL is going to result in her having almost no wedding involvement and almost no involvement in FI’s life. We have been trying to deal with our issues with her for about a year now, and it has only gotten worse. There are horrible ups and downs whenever we interact with her, and neither of us like to share personal information with her anymore because she’ll just be really annoying about it.
For a while, there has been almost no contact between her and FI, and when she does contact him, it is usually to nag about something. If FI calls her out on this, she will just tell him that he is a horrible ungrateful son and when she and his dad die, he will regret it. (These are the words she used yesterday.) I’m constantly on high alert for her followup emails or texts, and I can’t get her words out of my head. My FI is obviously just as frustrated and hates the contact just as much, but he has had a lfietime of practie blocking her out. I end up losing a whole day because I can’t focus on anything else.
When we go through long periods of no contact with her, I notice how much easier our daily life is. There’s just no drama, which FI especially loves.
Does anyone have recommendations for me that would help me just ignore her? FI wants to help me find a way to deal with it, because he knows ignoring her is the best option (for now). It is SO much easier said than done. I don’t know how to deal with estranged relationships, especially at a time in our lives when there’s so much I want to share. I know I need to grow a tougher skin, but I’m new to this and I need to take care of my mental health. Does anyone have suggestions? I’m up for book recommendations, personal stories, etc…..whatever you think you would help. I want her to care about our lives and be involved, but I also want to not feel so angry inside whenever she comments or citicizes on them.