Help me decide whether to have kids at our wedding

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it wrong to not invite kids to my wedding?
    Yes. How dare you make your family find a babysitter. : (5 votes)
    6 %
    No. If they don't want a babysitter to look after their kids then so be it...less guests : (64 votes)
    81 %
    Have guests indicate whether or not they will be bringing kids on the invite. Optional kids. : (9 votes)
    11 %
    Cancel the whole blasted thing and elope : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    150 posts
    Blushing bee

    @Julybride88: I’m curious. Why does it cost $70 per child? Sounds like a lot. Also, why are you so sure that kids would be unruly? Is it just the way your relatives are? I went to several formal wedding where kids were allowed. I don’t think I saw any unruly. If the child doesn’t behave the parents should take care of it. The only bad thing I can think of is sometimes some parents leave early because of children. 

    Post # 4
    24 posts
    • Wedding: January 2015

    So I didn’t vote, I have another potential idea for you. I’m not engaged yet (its coming so soon though!) but SO and I have already decided we will not be having children at the wedding because his cousins have sooooo many kids. my parents will be hiring a babysitter for the kids on my side of the family and SO’s parents will be hiring one for theirs. As far as friends’ children are concerned, they will need to find their own babysitters (if the babies are nursing then they are  more than welcome to be at the wedding). We will have one child at/in the wedding, he is the son of a mutual friend. Would something like that work for you? Maybe your friend’s two children could be in the wedding, then you wouldn’t have to choose someone from the family, just a thought!

    Post # 5
    3618 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @Julybride88:  70 a child sounds extensive…Maybe get a babsitter and rent a hotel for the night? They could maybe attend the ceremony and then be dropped off at the hotel during cocktail hour and the parents would come for the reception?

    Post # 9
    7290 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I agree that you need to have the all or nothing situation in regards to inviting kids. If you do decide to have no kids then you need to be prepared that some parents might not come at all and you have no right to judge their decision same as they have no right to judge your decision not to have kids there.

    If anyone gets angry it is probably out of disappointment because they feel like you are trying to exclude them from your wedding. Take that as a compliment. They really want to come and celebrate with you, but the situation enforced by you, makes it so they cannot. So frustration and disappointment turns to anger.


    Post # 10
    1532 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    If someone says they wont come without kids, just politely say very sorry, lets get togethor after weddin.  i have a lot of trouble beleiving that people never go anywhere without their kids.  It is not bride/groom responsiblity to find sitter (possible exception, out of town guests). 

    Post # 11
    871 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @Julybride88:  If your FI doesn’t want kids there I think that you should honor that and honestly kids usually cause problems at formal events. Some people don’t mind because its their child/neice/cousin and they just are happy to have them there but it sounds like thats not the case here. You are inviting other people to an event you are hosting so you CAN dictate the guest list BUT I think it goes over better if you call the parents that may cause issue/have an even age cut off (like teenager, over 18, over 21 whatever) If you want you can hire a babysiter on site that would be super generous but we are not. We are only inviting two people with children who will be coming over 40 minutes away and we let them know we would do whatever but both actually have family from their husbands (the side I am not related to in both cases) in the area that can watch them so we got lucky! 

    Post # 12
    3633 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    One of the things I learned while wedding planning is that someone will always have a problem with something you do/did. You just have to stand your ground and do what you want to do or think is right. In this instance, I think it’s fine if you don’t have children at your wedding. I think it’s ridiculous when people say things like “If my kids can’t come, I’m not coming”. I’m more understanding if it’s a destination wedding because that’s a greater inconvenience and expense but if it’s a local wedding, I think kidfree is fine. We had a kidfree wedding and we had a number of couples with kids. Either they sent only one spouse or they got a sitter and many appreciated the opportunity to be out without the LOs. We’re expecting a LO of our own and DH and I agreed that we would be fine sending one spouse or getting a sitter for a kidfree wedding. It’s not that big of a deal and honestly, we’re not sure if children belong at an event that goes that late into the night (we’ve been to weddings that didn’t even start dinner until 9:30) with alcohol and loud music present.


    Post # 13
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Julybride88:  Cousins’ kids aren’t that close. I say no kids. The cousin who said she can’t find a babysitter – I find that hard to believe. She must have people on her husband’s side of the family, or a friend she can ask with 8 months’ notice. Or if she can’t, too bad, one cousin missing it isn’t the end of the world.

    I wouldn’t worry too much about your goddaughter missing it. She’s too young to really appreciate it.

    Post # 15
    12 posts
    • Wedding: June 2015

    As much as some on here will argue that weddings are about family and togetherness at the end of the day the wedding is meant to celebrate your union. If neither one of you feels the experience will be enhanced by the presence of children then you should not feel obligated to have them there just to please your guests. In my opinion even well behaved children detract from the atmosphere of a truly formal wedding. As much as it may please some guests to be there just as many people if not more may be displeased by several unruly children. You can’t please everyone, and while as a host you are certainly responsible to attend to your guest’s needs you are not required to cater to their every whim, particuarly when it is so costly.

    Post # 16
    1532 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    IMHO, the problem is that it only takes a a couple parents not supervising their kids to ruin it for all.  Parents who wont take a fidgity baby out of the ceremony, and then baby starts crying.  Parents who wont stop kids from running around and touching food at reception. 

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