Post # 1
I know a lot of folks just go shopping with their SO, but I think my BF wants to pick it out and surprise me, and I want to be surprised. I could also just relinquish control and trust him- he has gifted me a bit of jewelry and I have loved it. But there are some things that I want to tell him, ranging from very important(ring size, no modern mined diamond unless from Botswana or otherwise ethical, nothing too high sitting or delicate, etc) to whim(specific styles, cut, doesn’t have to be diamond, specific resources or ideas). I don’t really want to talk to him directly for various reasons, among them I don’t want him to feel I am being too specific or grubby, and also if we have a serious talk, I will totally know when the proposal is coming!
My original idea was to enlist a married friend whose taste I like (I think it would be kind of mean to ask a single friend) and who I trust. However, my BF is pretty introverted and I don’t think he would be comfortable talking about something so personal with someone he doesn’t know very well. I thought about my dad, who actually knows a good amount about diamonds and jewelry and gets along really well with my guy, but I think it would be nice for it to be a surprise for my dad and I am not sure if it would be awkward for one or both of them. Then I thought to just send him an email, but that would defeat the purpose if he needs an interactive opinion.
Is there an option I am not thinking of? How have you found a balance between expressing your needs and wants and also being surprised? Should I just tell him the important bits and let go of the desire for control? Am I way overthinking it all? I can’t ask anyone because I don’t want to get anyone prematurely excited about an engagement, so I really need your wisdom!
Thanks, y’all! I appreciate your help!
Post # 3
Over thinking, just tell it to him yourself 🙂
Post # 4
another way you could do it is the way I did it: I went shopping without him. went to a few stores, told the consultant there my budget and got my ring sized, and picked out a few settings at each store. Then it was up to him to visit those stores and pick something out of the ones I’d picked out.
I ended up with something I loved, and I had no idea when the proposal was coming.
Post # 5
If you guys use the same computer just leave a bunch of webpages up with rings you like and do it more and once, men are slow sometimes lol.
But I did make sure to tell my fiance that the quality was more important to me than the size and that I like solitaires that dont stick up too high, the rest I left up to him. Annnndddd he did an amazing job, seriously I don’t even think I could have picked out a ring as nice as the one he picked. Good luck!
Post # 6
My SO is pretty much the same way. We only looked at rings together once because he needed ideas (they were all nice, he didnt even know where to start). since I had never really thought about what I would like in a ring, I kinda blew the whole thing and ended up just getting overwhelmed. I felt annoyed at myself later because when I thought about it I knew what I liked. However, he didnt want to talk aboutit again because “its his job tp pick out the ring”.
This is how I dealt with “telling him what I liked without ACTUALLY saying it”:
-magazines. Either from a jewelry store or just girl magazines with ads of rings. Dont tell him what you like….instead pick out things that are ugly. Be like “omg, thats the ugliest thing ive ever seen!” if you dont like a ring. This way, to me, makes it seem like normal “im browsing through a magazine and saw something I hated” convo than a “I bought/grabbed this magazine to specificly show you what I like”. This way, he knows what you dont like.
-FB is your friend. haha! They have ads for jewelry (if you search for wedding stuff) on the side of the page that you can bringup. you can talk about other girls rings (if they get engaged). you can even have friends post pics of rings YOU like for you (if they want to) so that you have an oppertunity to talk about them. I found this ring I loved, sent a pic to my sister, had her post it (like “wow this ring is crazy!), and then I got to say: “wow this is the best ring ever, its so beautiful!” no pressure on him, and hopefuly he catches the hint
-like the PP said, leave up webpages on a shared.his computer. If he asked just be like “oops!”
In the end, though, I know I will love the bejesus out of whatever he puts on my finger. I just want to marry the guy! haha! good luck!
Post # 7
save a pic to the desktop 🙂
Post # 8
It is a well documented fact, that the most stressfull purchase any men will make, is the hunt for an engagement ring.
Please stop looking for a way to tell him what you want and just TELL HIM. Trust me, he wants to know.
Post # 9
i got lucky in this regard! over a nice dinner with SO, he mentioned, “you ought to email me some rings you like! i mean, for later obviously, but this way you’ll forget i asked and won’t know when it’s coming.”
umm, FORGET? fat chance. but this way, he has three settings that i’m absolutely head over heels for, and gets to have his input for the final choice. lucky for us, the stone is already decided as it’s a family piece. done and done! now we just sit back, enjoy being together, and let the good times roll 🙂
Post # 10
Thank you all! I’m leaning towards sending him an email with the most important points and maybe a couple websites/examples, then resorting to the more subtle methods for less critical things. He is really good at picking up on hints (to the point that I sometimes accuse him of having ESP!), and as long as it isn’t something very important, it won’t matter if he misses it or not. He does have really good taste and I am not worried I won’t like whatever he gets me. After all, it will be from his heart, so he can’t go wrong! I really appreciate your feedback! I feel much better now! I think it is so interesting all the ways that we deal with meshing tradition with our modern lifestyle. Thanks again! Hopefully, I will excitedly report my engagement sometime this fall!
Post # 11
You know what I did…when we first started talking about it months ago, he brought up ring shopping first, so we went and got an idea. I stalked the moissanite threads and moissaniteco dot com to get ideas, and still do once in awhile, and eventually compiled an email for him of my favorite rings, what size etc. It wasn’t awkward at all, and the ring topic comes up often enough with us, so I just showed him what I like. And I know he still has those emails in his inbox too 🙂
Be proactive! 🙂
Post # 12
I was super blunt with him about what I liked. (Well, mostly about what I disliked, because I’m not that picky but there are a few things I really don’t like.) I’ve never been vague. But if that’s not really your style, you could always try pinterest. 🙂 “Accidentally” get “carried away” before you see him sometime, and when he saunters in, you can say, “Oh my goodness, I lost track of time. Look at these beautiful rings! I just love [insert detail here] and [another detail here].”
Post # 13
My SO and I had a conversation about it. If it is a piece of jewelery I’m going to wear the rest of my life I needed to have my input. So I showed him pictures of rings I liked and pointed out specific elements (I like the look of solitaire better than multistone that kinda thing). So he knows what I like, but in the end he gets to pick it out without me (he really wants it to be a surprise). That being said I also have the choice to say yes to the proposal, but no on the ring (I can’t imagine not liking the ring he chooses)!
Thats how we cleared that hurdle in my relationship, best of luck!
Post # 14
I just wanted to thank you all again. I finally (!) sent him an email yesterday, emphasizing a few important aspects and added other less critical things. I redrafted a gajillion times, but finally just sent it. When I asked him later if he had any questions, he said no, and that he could have guessed almost all of it without me saying! I am happy to hand over the reins and wait for the proposal! Hopefully, you’ll see an “I’m engaged” post sometime in the next few months! Thanks again!
Post # 15
well I went to the store with my SO and he seen the ring and he loves it as much as I then it went on a super sale online! So i emailed it to him.. I would find a cute way to sneak him an email with a ring you like.. Good Luck!
Post # 16
@Eulalia: This may sound a bit forward but… I made a Amazon wishlist and priorized my favorites from high priority to low priority and added comments as to why I liked the ones I liked. He ended up getting me my favorite one.