(Closed) Help me find my backbone ladies…it’s lost and I can’t find it!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

You need to call these people and tell them, point-blank, “I’m sorry, but we can only afford to have x, y, and z come to the wedding due to our budget.” If people are going to act like entitled brats and refuse to come, so be it.

Post # 4
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I suggest having your Fiance talk to these people. He seems less emotional about it than you do.

Post # 5
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You HAVE TO TELL THEM NO. Seriously. Just no. Tell them no. They are walking all over you – do you want to be the person people walk all over? You need to stay in control of the wedding, so that it remains an affordable event that is played out in your vision.

Post # 6
21 posts
  • Wedding: June 2017

TELL THEM NO. Call them all back. No. The answer is No. Send them an e-mail with a link to the WeddingBee ettiquette board.

Post # 7
1254 posts
Bumble bee

Yikes…is there any chance you can start screening phone calls that way you are not put on the spot with guest list and +1 questions?

You are not alone. I know I fare better when I am able to stand back and think about the answer to a question. Maybe you can have them leave messages instead, then reply back to their requests via an email or phone call with a prepared speech. Or better yet, have your Fiance handle it. He might be better prepared at on- the-spot reparte.

To help you find your backbone, think about how adding more people to your guest list will affect your financials as newlyweds. Maybe focusing on the effect rather than the cause will help you stand up to the +1 abusers.

@emkay625: Too funny…maybe those people get a “special” favor in their honor: an etiquette book. Or better yet, a bill for their dinner plates. 😉

Post # 8
271 posts
Helper bee

Okay, you have the advantage of your fiance, either ring them back and say your fiance put his foot down and is sticking to the numbers on the invites, or have him ring them himself. Everyone has their strengths, maybe this is one of your fiances, let him at em!

Post # 9
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yikes!! I can’t believe that people are even asking you these insane questions or just assuming they can bring whomever they would like and adding people to their RSVP card… I would loose my mind. I would certainly let them know that while you would love to have every one join you for the wedding, however your venue is at capacity so you wont be able to allow anyone to bring additional guests 🙂

Post # 10
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

i dont kno about the guests but the lady who wants to bring her baby.. i dont think thats so bad.. but thats just me. its not like the baby takes up an xtra seat and eats a full meal or drinks anything or adds to the cost in anyway. 

Post # 11
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m with the others: ask your Fiance if he’ll call ’em back and tell ’em no.  🙂  Then, let HIM deal with the calls! LOL!  After all, it IS his wedding too! lol

Post # 12
581 posts
Busy bee

Please don’t lay this on your Fiance.  It is not fair and you are setting him up with your family.  If it was his family, I’d be all for it.

You need to call these people back and tell them that your plans/reception venue/budget can’t accommodate any more guests. If you are really having a problem with this, call them when you think they are not home and leave a voice message.   If people don’t understand this, they are not worthy of attending your wedding.


Post # 13
1032 posts
Bumble bee

I say if the problems are from your family, you simply HAVE to call them and just say “I’m sorry we can only afford a certain number of guests, otherwise we would have invited more people, but we can only receive the guests that were stated on the invitation. Thank you for understanding, and I can’t wait to see YOU at the wedding.” That behavior is unacceptable of them and you can stand up for yourself in a nice way. If the problem is with his family he should do the same. Good luck, and please let us know how it goes. I am so sorry you are going through this! (((HUGS)))

Post # 14
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would call these people back & tell them point blank, “I’m sorry, but after looking at our hall accomidations we simply don’t have enough room. We need to wait for our other RSVP’s before giving the okay for +1”. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. Planning is stressful enough & it only makes it worse that people have no common decency or respect. (((hugs))) It will all turn out a-okay.

Post # 15
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i agree with most posters above, tell them that per fire safety regulations you cannot have more people than you originally invited so all those exta people cannot attend unless someone you originally invited declines the invite…i also do not think a 1 year old at an adlut reception is a good idea…if they don’t wanna come, that is their choice…

Post # 16
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Call them back and tell them “I would love to have all of you and thought we could accomodate that, but I just found out due to space constraints and prior catering agreements, we can only have so many people there. Unfortunately we will have to limit the attendance to those specified on the invites only. Of course if space opens up after the RSVP deadline you will be the first ones I’ll notify. “Also baby at an adult reception? Plain and simple no. Tell the mom you understand and appreciate her situation but you and your fiancee have agreed to an adults only reception and there are others in her situation who will just have to leave their kids at home with a babysitter.

It’ll get easier after the first call. Just have a glass of wine (if you’re a drinker), take a deep breath and do it.

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