(Closed) Help me get through my day!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i’m sorry about the fight you had last night, and this may not be immensely helpful but i just wanted you to know that i think EVERY couple goes through this guest list issue.  my fiance and i haven’t exactly had screaming fights about it, but we have had some tension and stress around the whole issue that has led to us having to just stop talking about it at different times.

maybe you can just table the topic until you’ve both had time to cool off.  in the meantime, nothing wrong with reminding him that you love him and are so excited to be his mrs.

good luck!

Post # 4
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I honestly think that the problem is that by not inviting people he thinks his mom will be upset with him- if I were you I would go ahead today and call her and let her know that unfortunately you checked again with the venue, and the capacity is set where you had it and there is absolutely no room for more guests.  I would let her know exactly what is going on, that this issue is creating a  huge rift between you and your FI and you need to solve it in everyones best interest.  If she makes a comment about that being ridiculous or something like that, just say I’m sorry and as much you want more people from your side to be able to attend just as they do for theirs, it isn’t an option for the ceremony. If she would continue to make comments, I would merely make a statement that i’m sorry but this is how it has to be and this is one of many bumps in the planning process that you need to smooth out bc it’s creating such friction in your relationship, which is the opposite of what should be happening.

Good luck and I hope you can figure things out- let us know!! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Maybe you can contact your venue and confirm the max number.  Then tell your fiance that you confirmed the number and 50 is the max.  Then remind your fiance that this is your wedding too and you get to invite those who are important to you regardless if you see them often or not.  I think 25 people each was a smart move.

Finally, you aren’t alone!  Weddings seem to bring out the worst in people, especially families. Take a few deep breaths and try to not let it effect the relationship between you and your FI too much. 

Good luck! 

Post # 6
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Are you sure you and FI were on the same page about the 50 person limit to start with? I find it strange that he would be so vehemently arguing for these people to come if he doesn’t really want them there. I think you guys definitely need to figure this out together before contacting his mom. 

I do think he was in the wrong for yelling at you, but it was also wrong of you not to mention the extra names IMHO because it is such a big issue for everyone. It’s time to get it all out in the open and come to a resolution. So maybe you can frame your discussion this way: “We’ve been fighting so much over the guest list lately, and I would really like to sit down and figure it out once and for all. I want to make sure I understand what you want and vice versa.”

Then, really listen to him. Make sure you know exactly what he’s feeling, and talk about how to best accommodate that. A hard limit on the guest list is difficult to argue with, but you should remind him that you two are on the same team. After that, you can come up with the best way to handle his mom together. 

Post # 7
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

You two need to work together to figure this out.  Explain that you are feeling attacked.  You thought you and FI agreed to the number of guests, and something has changed.  Explain that the extra people his Mom wants to invite can be on your B list, but you have a small venue for a reason. 

Post # 8
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry about this! 

Do you think that there will be some people that will need to decline?  I know  some brides have a “B list” once some people from the “A list” decline.  I know that is difficult, you may not hear from people of the A list in time to ask people on the B list, but that might be an option.  You are definitely in a tough position.  This is not the greatest solution but I hope that you can resolve your situation and move ahead with your planning with greater happiness.

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