Post # 1
My FI and I got in yet another argument last night about our guest list. We want a small wedding, choosing a venue that only seats 50 people. Once his mom got wind that he would only be able to invite 25 people from his side of the family she started to pout to him. Ever since then, we have had constant fights regarding who should get to come. He made the suggestion that since I don’t see my family as often as he sees his, he should be able to invite more people, and I should leave my family out. Which seems a bit backwards to me. Last week we finally decided on a guest list, making it even on both sides, as it should be, going over the 50 person limit and inviting 52. I emailed his mom for the address of the people on his side of the family, giving her the names of the people he chose. She responded back with additional addresses on people not on the list that she thinks needs to come. I didn’t even respond to her, as she knew that we could not fit anymore people. Well.. last night we went to print out the labels for our STDs and FI mentioned that fact that his mom had sent over additional addresses and did I add them to the list. When I told him no, we don’t have room, and besides we already agreed upon the guest list, he flipped out. Like totally flipped out at me, calling me a liar for not mentioning that his mom sent out names, and keeping it from him. Telling me that we can fit more people and if I didn’t want them to come take people off my guest list. I even told him that I would call him mom and tell her that its my fault that they cannot come just so he wouldn’t have to do it. Again, he said that wasn’t the deal, that he wanted these people there and I would have to deal with it. We fought for a while, and I went to sleep without him, exhausted from planning the wedding and fighting with him the whole time about it. I thought this was supposed to be the happiest time of my life, and its turned into one of the worst. I woke up this morning still tired from a restless sleep to drag myself to work, and its taking everything I have not to call him and talk about it more, which I know will get us no where. Ladies.. WHAT DO I DO? How do I get through the day without calling him, how do we resolve this, how do we make planning this wedding fun again, about the two of us and not about what people his mom wants at the wedding
Post # 3
i’m sorry about the fight you had last night, and this may not be immensely helpful but i just wanted you to know that i think EVERY couple goes through this guest list issue. my fiance and i haven’t exactly had screaming fights about it, but we have had some tension and stress around the whole issue that has led to us having to just stop talking about it at different times.
maybe you can just table the topic until you’ve both had time to cool off. in the meantime, nothing wrong with reminding him that you love him and are so excited to be his mrs.
Post # 4
I honestly think that the problem is that by not inviting people he thinks his mom will be upset with him- if I were you I would go ahead today and call her and let her know that unfortunately you checked again with the venue, and the capacity is set where you had it and there is absolutely no room for more guests. I would let her know exactly what is going on, that this issue is creating a huge rift between you and your FI and you need to solve it in everyones best interest. If she makes a comment about that being ridiculous or something like that, just say I’m sorry and as much you want more people from your side to be able to attend just as they do for theirs, it isn’t an option for the ceremony. If she would continue to make comments, I would merely make a statement that i’m sorry but this is how it has to be and this is one of many bumps in the planning process that you need to smooth out bc it’s creating such friction in your relationship, which is the opposite of what should be happening.
Good luck and I hope you can figure things out- let us know!! 🙂
Post # 5
Maybe you can contact your venue and confirm the max number. Then tell your fiance that you confirmed the number and 50 is the max. Then remind your fiance that this is your wedding too and you get to invite those who are important to you regardless if you see them often or not. I think 25 people each was a smart move.
Finally, you aren’t alone! Weddings seem to bring out the worst in people, especially families. Take a few deep breaths and try to not let it effect the relationship between you and your FI too much.
Post # 6
Are you sure you and FI were on the same page about the 50 person limit to start with? I find it strange that he would be so vehemently arguing for these people to come if he doesn’t really want them there. I think you guys definitely need to figure this out together before contacting his mom.
I do think he was in the wrong for yelling at you, but it was also wrong of you not to mention the extra names IMHO because it is such a big issue for everyone. It’s time to get it all out in the open and come to a resolution. So maybe you can frame your discussion this way: “We’ve been fighting so much over the guest list lately, and I would really like to sit down and figure it out once and for all. I want to make sure I understand what you want and vice versa.”
Then, really listen to him. Make sure you know exactly what he’s feeling, and talk about how to best accommodate that. A hard limit on the guest list is difficult to argue with, but you should remind him that you two are on the same team. After that, you can come up with the best way to handle his mom together.
Post # 7
You two need to work together to figure this out. Explain that you are feeling attacked. You thought you and FI agreed to the number of guests, and something has changed. Explain that the extra people his Mom wants to invite can be on your B list, but you have a small venue for a reason.
Post # 8
I’m sorry about this!
Do you think that there will be some people that will need to decline? I know some brides have a “B list” once some people from the “A list” decline. I know that is difficult, you may not hear from people of the A list in time to ask people on the B list, but that might be an option. You are definitely in a tough position. This is not the greatest solution but I hope that you can resolve your situation and move ahead with your planning with greater happiness.
Post # 9
Thanks for the help. I will talk to my FI about the B list option and see if we can come to come sort of agreement when I get home from work tonight. Thanks again!