Help me, I don't know what my name is

posted 3 years ago in Names
  • poll: When does your name change?
    The moment you say "I do" : (14 votes)
    33 %
    When you have your certified marriage certificate in-hand : (4 votes)
    9 %
    When all of your ID has been legally changed : (25 votes)
    58 %
  • Post # 3
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I introduced myself as my married name and changed it on everything that wasn’t “legal” stuff (ie e-mail, Facebook). I used my maiden on all the paperwork junk until my name was legally changed.

    Post # 4
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @AllieBee12:  You can assume his name socially without legally changing it, but I would recommend taking his name in a work setting if the change isn’t legal. You can’t get benefits under a name that doesn’t exist.

    Post # 5
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @AllieBee12:  I literally asked people. I got a new OBGYN a week after we got married, and I said “I don’t know what my name is. What works for you?”

    It was a TERRIBLE few months!

    Post # 7
    1400 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think you should introduce yourself with your married name, and ask HR about the paperwork. No one will care if you’re using your married name socially before you are legally–bureaucracy can be insane!

    Post # 8
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @AllieBee12:  I am not saying it is morally wrong, I am saying it might not be legal. I am sure they have dealt with name changes before and it shouldn’t be a problem. To know with 100% certanity, I’d just ask HR.

    Post # 10
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Talk to hr. Most places will let you go by Mrs Marriedname in terms of email address, but use your maiden name for benefits, payroll etc.


    Post # 11
    3047 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We’re sort of in the same situation as we were married in Sweden – so we got Swedish paperworks stating that we’re married in Swedish… We’ve actually been talking about just going to city hall here for a short legal ceremony on Canadian grounds. Any chance you could do the same and get the marriage certificate faster that way?

    Post # 12
    1582 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It has been over a year since I got married and due to general laziness, I have not changed mine yet. Knowing that I will at some point, to alleviate the confusion at work, I will introduce myself as First Name Maiden Name last Name. That way when I do change it legally it won’t be as confusing.

    Post # 13
    2317 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I had to use my maiden name on honeymoon because that was what all the bookings were in but I know use my married name when referring to myself. BUT…we did receive our marriage certificate the day of our wedding!

    Post # 14
    3635 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @ladyamalthea:  Agree.

    Use your married name, and deal with the legalities with HR.  My HR wouldn’t change my name on my email or my benefits until I had my social security card (which wouldn’t exactly apply to you, but is a new gov’t ID). 

    HR should understand if you have a copy of the application for your marriage license.  Our state gave us a fancy copy that we could use immediately, like to add him to my benefits since you just have 30 days.  The certified copy took longer and that’s what I needed to do everything legally.  HR might be totally fine (with proof) with you using your married name and just changing the documentation on their end when you get the official stuff. 

    I would still introduce myself as your married name, though.  You can always do your email signature so people will know who you are if you have to sign stuff with your maiden name:


    Susie Marriedname (Maidenname)

    Post # 15
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    No one is going to arrest you for introducing yourself as Mrs HisLastName or changing your email address before your name change is official.  I would talk to HR as others have said and ask about how much you can change without having the legal aspect completed yet. 

    Post # 16
    5207 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @AllieBee12:  I don’t know how the law varies from region to region, but I’m in NJ and my name officially changed when I brought my marriage certificate to the social security office and they changed it in the computer system. 

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