Help Me! (I May Cry)

posted 3 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

Frown Im so sorry. Unfortunately I fear you could be right and I think you already know it. My pastor wont marry us without marriage counselling and im pretty sure he wouldnt marry us if we werent christians. I mean hes a pastor and he has his beliefs on the situation and you cant expect him to overturn them because youre in love. A lot of christians see the man as head of the household, if your household is being led by a non christian (a lot of christians see men as head of the household but a good man must listen to his wife and respect all her opinions – just because hes head doesnt make him superior, they are a team and equal in different ways), you can see where he is coming from.

See if hell give you both marriage counselling. This could make the situation better or worse,I dont know but it something to try. Also you need to talk to him, hiding from him is not going to bring you any closer to an answer. As for UK ceremonies, unfortunately yes that is right. If you get married outside the church no religious readings are allowed. I believe my friend got legally married before the wedding and then had a blessing which got around it (i think!!!), you could try that route. However this could bring about more issues with people thinking its not a real wedding and possibly your pastor – i dont know  talk to him!! At least youll have answers

Good luck Smile

Post # 4
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Sadly I don’t think you will be able to have a religious ceremony in a licenced venue.  You will be legally married but the part about not being allowed anything religious in teh ceremony is true so if that is important to you that may not work as an option.  If you’ve got time to attend another church a few times, then you may be able to get a pastor of a different parish (with maybe a prettier church) to marry you.  When my parents got married, my Mum was Christian and my Dad atheist and they were able to marry in out local church.  I think the decision there rests with the individual pastor.  Alternatively you could have a civil ceremony and then get a religious blessing at a near by church.  Good luck.

Post # 5
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I can’t comment on your faith issues but I can confirm that a licensed venue in England will offer a civil, secular ceremony. You could, however, have a blessing afterwards. Civil ceremonies cannot take place in buildings used, or previously used, for religious purposes either.

Also, you cannot get married outside in England unlike in Scotland where the law is different. Admittedly, some venues stretch the meaning of “outside” slightly but you cannot marry in a marquee or other moveable structure. So you can’t have those wonderful outdoor weddings that so many US brides have and it’d be difficult to have a farm wedding that didn’t, for the legal side of it, take place in a barn, say. 

However, if you plan to get married locally, be aware that the weather might well scupper an outdoor wedding anyway!

If your pastor isn’t prepared to marry you and your FI unready to commit to your church then your choice will be limited to a civil ceremony and a blessing. Which doesn’t mean you can’t have a lovely wedding though. However, you need to ask your pastor first because you might get his approval.

Post # 7
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Bond-MrsBond:  Of course you will be legally married and no, you will not be having a civil partnership which (under English law) is currently only available to same sex couples.

A civil marriage ceremony is simply a secular alternative to a wedding that takes place in a church. You are no less married in the eyes of the law.

Be aware that you cannot go through a marriage ceremony twice though (divorce and remarriage excepted of course!). If you marry in a civil ceremony and then hold a “wedding” in your church, the second service will be a commitment ceremony or blessing. 

 

Post # 9
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You will not be husband and wife as the bible defines it unless you are married in a religious ceremony. As Christians it was so important to us to not only be legally married in the eyes of the state, but also in the eyes of God. It is up to him to sanction your marriage. I’m not trying to say one thing is right and one thing is wrong, but as Christians there is a right and wrong for us (I’m not saying it applies to everyone). I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you! Keep praying for your FI. If he is actively going to church and seeking, hopefully it’s only a matter of time. And you never know what your pastor might say. He may know your FIs heart is ready and it may be exactly what he needs to come into the church!

 

Post # 10
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Bond-MrsBond:  sorry I meant to tag you in the above post

Post # 11
msjackrabbitMember
1080 posts
Bumble bee

@Bond-MrsBond:  If you get married outside of a church, it CANNOT be religious. No religious readings, music, etc. A marriage outside a church is a civil marriage – 100% legal, but not like a church wedding.

But you can’t get married outside 🙁

Your pastor SHOULD marry you. Have a look at http://www.yourchurchwedding.org/ and have a read up. If your church is in the parish that you live in, or your parents live in – then you can be married there. And if you’ve been going to that church for 6 months – you can get married there.

If there is some reason why they won’t marry you, you can still get married in your local parish. Maybe that could be a compromise?

Post # 12
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Weetzie:  I respect your views but the OP was concerned that she’d not be legally married under English law if she had a civil ceremony. Also, she wasn’t sure of the difference between a civil partnership and a civil ceremony in England. She will be legally married if she has a civil ceremony and that, I think, was one of her particular concerns.

Post # 13
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Oh sweetheart- I really feel for you- and my heart goes out to you!. When my partner and I got together, we both knew we wanted a church wedding. This was later confirmed at my sister’s wedding. She had a outdoors garden wedding (civil ceremony). We both thought that it was rush, and was just missing that ‘special feeling’. It was funny, because at the time we were deciding if you wanted to considered a civil ceremony as it was easier. But decided that we wanted to church ceremony along with the blessing of the couple, hymns, prayers etc.

Have a good think about about you want from your wedding, and how important it is for you to get married in your church.

Post # 14
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Steampunkbride:  I must have misread it, my bad. I’m in America so I guess I can’t help With that one!

Post # 15
Member
873 posts
Busy bee

How can anyone stop you from having religious readings and music in an outside wedding? I don’t understand that being a rule

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