help me i want to get engaged but my mom is judgemental

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1360 posts
Bumble bee

I get that you want your mother’s approval, but this is not her life. She’ll get over any negative thoughts about the marriage.

Post # 4
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My fiance’s parents hate me. He’s 32, I’m 27. We have a child together. They still treat him like he’s 16.

Some things never change. Sad, but true. Get engaged, plan the wedding for a year away. 25 is a pretty solid age for marriage, depending on the people. 

You just have to realize that your parents won’t always support every decision you make. 🙂 

Post # 5
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t let them get to you – it’s not the age that matters but the maturity level.  I know couples married at 21 who have wonderful marriages, and I know people in their 30’s who have no business being in a committed relationship.  If you both have discussed it and feel ready, then you probably are ready…and your opinions are the only opinions that should matter here.

Post # 6
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It’s time for you to grow a thicker skin and do what is best for you, youremother’s opinions be damned. You are allowing her opinions to affect you. That is on you, not her. 


Post # 7
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If it’s only the age that she’d be opposed to and not the man, then I say just get engaged already! If your mother had reservations about your SO specifically, then I would take that a little more seriously, because sometimes parents really do know best but you just can’t see it.

Post # 8
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@alohakay:  If you feel it’s rigth to get married, do it.  It’s your life and eventually you have start making decisions indipendently of your mom.  HOnestly, it’s making that transition to independent decision making that will make her start to see you as an adult.

SOunds like the other fundamentals are right – you’ve got your life in order, a good relationship with your mom, and your family loves your SO.  Sometimes it’s hard for your mom to let go and see you grow up.  I know that when I moved out of my parents house it broke my mom’s heart (I was 23 and had a full time job!  It was time to go!) but sometimes you have have to live your life for yourself.  It’s not like you are disrespecting her or running off with a man she doesn’t approve of.

Post # 9
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@alohakay:  It sounds like mom may have some worries from her own first marriage, and maybe she is not able to express her concerns properly. I thats what parents are there for sometimes, to give advice that we may listen to but may not agree with or necessarily follow. This is a decision between you and your SO, as you two are the ones in the relationship. I don’t see an issue with becoming engaged. It does not mean that you two will necessarlily become married right away.

Post # 10
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

As a young bride, I completely understand your fear of judgement and your desire for your love to be taken seriously. My FI and I have been together over six years, and got engaged 5 months ago at the age of 22. We will be 23 for our wedding. Luckily, both of our parents are (at least outwardly) happy and excited for us. 

At the end of the day, this is YOUR life, and as long as there’s no huge reason except for your age (which is definitely not too young, IMO) for them to be unsupportive, they will get over it, if not support it from the beginning. Do what feels right to you, your are an adult capable of making decisions about your life. If they have a problem with it, they will have to learn to get over it.

Post # 11
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Who cares about what your MOM thinks?

SHE’S not the one thinking about marriage.

If you care this much about what your mom thinks, I can tell you right now that planning your wedding (heck-planning your life together) will be difficult as anything.

Stop worrying about what other people think and do what is RIGHT for you and what makes you happy.

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