Post # 1
HELP ME BEES! My SO and I were talking about what we want for 2014 and he said he plans to propose. We’ve been together for 2 and a half years. He is 24 and I’ll be 24 in March. We both want this. I feel mature enough and ready for the next step but one thing holds me back. As stupid as it is, I think I am worried what other people will say…not random people but my family. My family loves him, but I don’t want to shock them by getting married so young. My mom still sees me as a high school girl it seems like (which is so frustrating) and as much as she’s likes SO she will judge us for getting married young because it did not work out for her and my dad. My dad and step dad would be onboard though. My grandmother is so traditional and conservative she doesn’t even know we are living together now! We are both financially stable and have been for nearly 2 years now. We have college degrees and have good jobs for 2 years using our degrees. I think the time is right, but the people in my life make me feel like it won’t be taken seriously. It will just wear on me if my mom says little things to make me feel guilty over this choice. I love and get along with my mom pretty well but moving out to live with SO was one of the most intimidating conversations I had to have with her. I told SO maybe we could wait 1 more year and plan for 2015 and it hurt his feelings. Do you think that one year would make much difference or should I just do what I want since its my life. I know the answer, but I just need some advice and maybe hearing from BEES who can relate will help me deal. Thank you.
The sad thing is I have been so excited talking with my friends about getting engaged one day because I’m finally with the person that I don’t want to be without. Now he’s telling me he wants to marry me and I’m telling him to wait! I don’t want to wait though ugh.
Post # 3
I get that you want your mother’s approval, but this is not her life. She’ll get over any negative thoughts about the marriage.
Post # 4
My fiance’s parents hate me. He’s 32, I’m 27. We have a child together. They still treat him like he’s 16.
Some things never change. Sad, but true. Get engaged, plan the wedding for a year away. 25 is a pretty solid age for marriage, depending on the people.
You just have to realize that your parents won’t always support every decision you make. 🙂
Post # 5
Don’t let them get to you – it’s not the age that matters but the maturity level. I know couples married at 21 who have wonderful marriages, and I know people in their 30’s who have no business being in a committed relationship. If you both have discussed it and feel ready, then you probably are ready…and your opinions are the only opinions that should matter here.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
It’s time for you to grow a thicker skin and do what is best for you, youremother’s opinions be damned. You are allowing her opinions to affect you. That is on you, not her.
Post # 7
If it’s only the age that she’d be opposed to and not the man, then I say just get engaged already! If your mother had reservations about your SO specifically, then I would take that a little more seriously, because sometimes parents really do know best but you just can’t see it.
Post # 8
@alohakay: If you feel it’s rigth to get married, do it. It’s your life and eventually you have start making decisions indipendently of your mom. HOnestly, it’s making that transition to independent decision making that will make her start to see you as an adult.
SOunds like the other fundamentals are right – you’ve got your life in order, a good relationship with your mom, and your family loves your SO. Sometimes it’s hard for your mom to let go and see you grow up. I know that when I moved out of my parents house it broke my mom’s heart (I was 23 and had a full time job! It was time to go!) but sometimes you have have to live your life for yourself. It’s not like you are disrespecting her or running off with a man she doesn’t approve of.
Post # 9
@alohakay: It sounds like mom may have some worries from her own first marriage, and maybe she is not able to express her concerns properly. I thats what parents are there for sometimes, to give advice that we may listen to but may not agree with or necessarily follow. This is a decision between you and your SO, as you two are the ones in the relationship. I don’t see an issue with becoming engaged. It does not mean that you two will necessarlily become married right away.
Post # 10
As a young bride, I completely understand your fear of judgement and your desire for your love to be taken seriously. My FI and I have been together over six years, and got engaged 5 months ago at the age of 22. We will be 23 for our wedding. Luckily, both of our parents are (at least outwardly) happy and excited for us.
At the end of the day, this is YOUR life, and as long as there’s no huge reason except for your age (which is definitely not too young, IMO) for them to be unsupportive, they will get over it, if not support it from the beginning. Do what feels right to you, your are an adult capable of making decisions about your life. If they have a problem with it, they will have to learn to get over it.
Post # 11
Who cares about what your MOM thinks?
SHE’S not the one thinking about marriage.
If you care this much about what your mom thinks, I can tell you right now that planning your wedding (heck-planning your life together) will be difficult as anything.
Stop worrying about what other people think and do what is RIGHT for you and what makes you happy.
Post # 12
Thanks for the advice. I know you all are right and I should not worry about what she says. It’s very hard though because I value her opinion a lot and I am always trying to be a people pleaser. Ugh