Post # 1
My cousin “Aaron” is getting married to a girl “Britney” who is 2 years younger than me and 7 years younger than him; he’s 30 and it’ll be his 2nd marriage. His first wedding was over $100K and extremely over-the-top leading up to it. Everyone acted like no one has ever gotten married before, no one could be more perfect than he and his ex wife, blah blah blah. That’s how stuff has always been with him, it’s the All About Aaron show, regardless of if he’s getting married or just going out to lunch at Subway.
Now it’s Aaron & Britney’s turn and it’s becoming a whole lot like Aaron’s 1st wedding. I just got an e-mail getting everyone psyched for their wedding asking for addresses, etc. and it’s clear from the e-mail it’ll probably as extravagant and over-the-top as the first one. I’m just so incredibly jealous because I’ve been with my SO for 6+ years and we were together at his 1st wedding and still not engaged for his 2nd wedding! WTF. It’s also infuriating to think that Britney is younger than me and they’ve been together for not even 2 years yet. I guess the heart of it is I feel like that side of the family loves Aaron way more than me and it’s just saddening that my relationship that is so strong, fun, loving, and long-lasting can’t be given the same credit as Aaron’s 2 marriages.
Anyways, I need some help and support from you all because I hate this feeling of jealousy and anger. It makes me sick to my stomach to have it and I do want to be happy for Aaron & Britney because I do like her a lot more than his psycho ex wife.
Post # 3
@LaurenK0105:First, not to be negative, but I’d place bets this marriage, his 2nd won’t last either. If a wedding(s) (in this case lol) are all about show, than the marriage is not about what is important, just my opinion.
Sounds like maybe you are more embarrassed than jealous, which is a good thing, because jealous is not a good thing. I think you might be worried that a lot of people will be asking or commenting when is your time, are you engaged yet, etc., not fun 🙁
You don’t seem to really be complaining about not being engaged her, but more so about the “special boy” in the family. If you are happy with your arrangement in your relationship, than that is all that matters. If people ask, you simply reply, you will be the first to know, with a smile of course and walk away. It will not be an easy night for you, but be happy that you are in an established relationship knowing that what you have will last 🙂
Post # 4
I hear you. It’s hard to watch someone be frivilous about marriage when you’re genuinely wanting to be married for the real deal, not just the spectacle and attention.
All you can do it know in you’re heart that you want to do this for the right reasons. I can almost guarantee everyone else is laughing at how silly this dude is.
Post # 5
@Doubtful: You are so right on about being embarrassed! I feel like people will judge and wonder what’s wrong with me/us! I am secure in my relationship and want to be engaged, am ready to be engaged, but also understand my man’s process and know our life together will start soon. We will most likely be engaged before their wedding in November and married next May/June, but can’t be totally sure. I also know people will be commenting about us as they already have been. I talked to my dad and told him to tell the most offensive parties (my crazy grandma) to not do that, but I guess I need to manage my own insecurities about what people might be thinking about us that’s untrue.
I guess I’m also jealous of Britney because Aaron and my aunt set them up so the whole family is absolutely IN LOVE with her. I just feel like I’m blood related and I come last after all of my other cousins and soon to be cousin-in-law.
Post # 6
Its ok to feel the way that you do. You are only human. As for you and you SO timing is everything, but the time has to be right for both of you. It will happen!! Keep your chin up 🙂
Post # 7
I can totally sympathize with you Laurenk0105. My cousin is the golden child/grandchild in our family (always the center of attention, everything he does is absolutely wonderful, etc) and I have always gotten short-shifted as well. My situation is very similar to yours: been with SO for over 6 years, younger cousin getting married before me, etc. It sucks and it hurts and it doesn’t help when everyone is always asking when you are getting married. Unlike you however, I doubt we will be engaged before their wedding so being there is going to hurt like hell and feel like torture. Keep your chin up, girl. If his first marriage is any indication, I don’t think this one will last.It seems like they are all about the glitz and glamour, not the true meaning of it all.
It sucks waiting but that is why this place is so great, we cna vent our frustrations out with each other and not be judged for them. Hope your proposal comes soon 🙂
Post # 8
Just know that your relationship with your SO is longlasting!
You two will be watching your cousin go through his 2nd divorce while you plan your wedding(soon).
Post # 9
@gramgeek: That’s a really negative way to look at it. We know nothing about this guy. We know nothing about the girl he’s marrying. OP says everything is very over the top, and I choose to believe her. But why does that mean that marriage will fail?
OP, honestly I’m sure you are very embarrassed, but I detect some slight jealousy as well. I don’t blame you at all! But that’s the way you came off to me. You’ll do yourself no favors with your family if you’re nothing less than supportive. And you say you really like this girl? So be happy for them!
Just because you’re not engaged yet doesn’t mean their marriage is a sham. And it doesn’t sound like you’re jealous of the WEDDING. It sounds like you’re jealous of the attention your cousin is getting. Well, and I can’t speak for everyday life and relationships, but HE’S the one getting married.
At some point you’ll get engaged, and for all you know it could become the LaurenK0105 show! But don’t wish failure upon them. Bad, baaad karma.
Post # 10
I understand your jealousy of her to a degree…. it sucks that you’ve been together so much longer and you’re not engaged *YET* but I do think you should try and be happy for them, however ridiculous it may be. Family is always there, and what goes around, comes around! Maybe you could get involved in the whole process and get some practice for planning YOUR wedding?? I think if you befriend her, you will feel better and the jealousy will hopefully dissipate a bit. And I do hope you have your ring soon, that will make you feel a lot better too!!! hehe 🙂 Good luck sweets
Post # 11
Sorry if anyone got offended! I think I was way too casual about posting negative comments! I didn’t mean to come off offensive at all. Was probably a bad joke sorry!
Post # 12
@MissHoneyBun: I’ve never wished failure on him and their marriage. If this says anything, I knew his 1st marriage would last less than a year and I was right… I think this marriage could last the long run.
I get that he’s getting the attention because he’s getting married, but he gets this same attention regardless of if he’s getting married or taking a nap. It’s like he could murder someone in front of the whole family and people would be fawning at his feet after. It definitely won’t be the Lauren show when I get married because I highly doubt they really care and I hate being the center of attention. I guess I just want my relationship to be viewed as at least as valid as Aaron’s.
@nikkiinmass: I’ve never really been close to this family and they’re about 1,000 miles away from me so getting to know her and being a part of their wedding isn’t really possible.
Post # 13
*hugs* soon it will be your turn!
Post # 14
I would be jealous too, but it’s hard to get others excited about you being “boyfriend & girlfriend” when the other guy is inviting everyone to a big wedding bash. I’m sure when yall get married everyone will be super excited for you, too. Good luck and *hugs*
Post # 15
Aw that is pretty craptastic. Maybe the second wedding will give your FH some ideas?
Post # 16
My BF’s sister’s BIL (confusing, sorry) got married for the first time pretty suddenly a few years back. Knowing what she did of the couple and of her BIL, she kept introducing the bride as her BIL’s First Wife (without realizing at first it was acknowleding her expectations for a divorce). Well, she was right. 6 mos. later they were annulled.
I understand it can be maddening to now that your cousin’s seemingly frivolous relationships are the talk of the town simply because they are getting amrried, while you’ve been in a stable, good, strong relationship for over half a decade – it really sucks that the quality of a relationship doesn’t seem to count if it’s not reached the point of marriage yet. Also, lopsided family preferences are also a normal reason to be upset.
If you can, just sit back and atch the spectical and laugh t them getting excited over what I, and apparently many others, fear will not be a long-live or happy marriage. I’d be horrified to have a big blow-up wedding, only to soon be divorced. To me it’d be far better to be together and unmarried but happy with each other than to make a big show of a potential disaster (I hope your cousin got it right this time, but from what you’ve said, I tend to not be the optimist, here.)