Post # 1
I need some advice and thoughts big time. Some know my past history with my MIL and SIL, you can go back and read my posts, but just to just sum it all up, MIL and SIL were fine with me when we were dating then when we got engaged they couldn’t handle it, they have said some pretty hurtful things, treated me pretty badly, MIL and SIL would harass me and my DH, leaving us crazy VM and calling a million times, it even went as far that my SIL said she was going to swallow a bottle of pills because of me. His sister ruined my shower, she has said horrible things about me and my family along with her mother. And the last straw was at the RD when his mom and her made a massive scene, she was screaming and crying in the middle of dinner saying “ she is not number 1 anymore” while his mom was F bombing me, my family, my DH, she then almost punched me in my face, punched my FIL, we had to call the cops on them. It was a total Sh&t show. My DH and I together made the decision that they are not welcome in our life anymore, and our attempts at trying to make these issues go away will no longer be wasted on them. They just like drama and want to cause whatever problems they can between us. We have not spoken to either once since our wedding in Aug. His mother sent a few nasty emails while we were on our honeymoon and left a few nasty VM but we don’t respond and haven’t spoken.
His sister’s bday was in Oct, we sent a card; that was it. It was my birthday in Nov and neither his mother or his sister sent me a card, no big deal whatever, didn’t expect it.
For Christmas we did nothing for either of them, well I just got home and there was a package addressed to me and my DH from his sister. It was a gift box with cheese and crackers and such. No message or anything just that it was from her. I haven’t even told my DH about it yet, I know he is going to be torn up over it as I am, I just don’t know what to do or think. My DH and I have talked in great lengths about his Mom and his sister and we do know a lot of the issues with his Sister are because of his mother, she kind of controls her, though I feel like at 27 you can still stick up for right and wrong. We also agreed that we will NEVER have an open warm relationship with his mother, the things she said and did not only to me but my family, are unthinkable and not someone we want in our life, she has some serious issues. His sister on the other hand I do really believe if she could break away from the mother we could have a decent relationship with her but I don’t see it coming anytime soon. But now this gift from her…now what? I feel like even if we attempt to reach out to her everything from 5 months ago is going to come hashing back out and the drama will unfold again and I can’t deal with that, my DH and I are in a wonderful place right now and when his family is tangled it’s just not a fun place to be.
Do we just send a simple thank you card? Call her?
Post # 3
I’d call her. Maybe it’s an honest attempt to reach out. It’s so hard to say tho, with the history. It doesn’t have to be long, or even mean you have to invite her over, but you should at least reach back, imho. Some people aren’t as strong as others and your DH had you to help him get away from that woman.
Post # 4
Sorry you are having to go through this. I think you should send a thank you card and call her. I think she is extending an olive branch to you and maybe you could all slowly but surely start your relationships over. I would suggest leaving the past in the past and just start over, but ultimately it is up to you and your FI as to what you are going to do.
Post # 5
I just talked to my mom about it, She thinks that I should be the one to reach out and thank her instead of my DH doing it.
Is sending an email or texthing saying this okay ” Hi, thank you for the kind cookie and brownie giftbox” It was very nice of you and we will enjoy them! Have a great Christmas and New Year”
Then I was going to send a formal thank you in the mail to her. Do I have to call her??? I’m not sure if I am ready to make that big of a step.
Post # 6
I would send them a thank you card, but I would be wary. Sometimes people like that send gifts just to spite you and hurt you more. I had a falling out with my cousin and my aunt years ago. One Christmas they randomly sent me a gift. I called my cousin to thank them thinking maybe they wanted to make up but they used the opportunity to yell at me and told me that THEY sent a gift and so I am the horrible person. If they ever send a gift again, I’m just going to ignore it. That said, I think you should at least respond. At the very least it is polite. If they attack you, take the high road and just ignore them again.
Post # 7
If you are feeling torn a nice card would be nice with a statement that you would like for her to call you two to catch up. This will allow you to keep the door open, but puts the ball back in her court to reach out again to begin to heal the relationship since she is the one who broke/strained it.
Post # 8
send her a thank you, and that’s a wrap…I think you’ve done enough of pulling your own weight in this situation, and they should grow up and be the ones to grow u p. Once they grow up and see what they are missing they will be at your becking call…i cant believe “family” would act like hussies….haha!
Post # 9
Deathbydesign, what you said is excatly what I am afraid of and what I really do feel inside is the intention and I hate that, I really do want to see the good in it but knowing the past with them, it def makes me wary. I feel like it was done as look at you, your the bad people, we have done nothing wrong, it;s all you, because I sent you a gift and you did nothing. And again, I think my SIL may have had good thoughts at first but after her mother gets done with her her thoughts turn to evil and revenge, it’s how it’s been with them.
I also hate that people feel that a gift makes everything okay, it doesn’t you can buy and give someone anything but if the intentions aren’t there then why do it, my MIL and SIL did get me gifts for my shower, but then made a huge deal over how I expressed my thanks to them and how they felt that I was greedy and shelfish and claimed hat I NEVER thanked them, I thanked them a million times at the shower, and then even went out and bought personalized thank yous that I sent to them the NEXT day. But they found every which way to say I was wrong, and they were great because they got me a gift. I don’t want a gift if that is the end result ya know.