Post # 1
Okay….so I absolutely love my family but…..MY MOM IS DRIVING ME NUTTTSSSS!!!! My FI and I got engaged on March 25, 2011 and our wedding date is scheduled for June 16, 2012. We have booked the church but haven’t paid for it yet.
I contacted the photographer that I REALLLYYYY wanted to do our wedding/engagement pictures and they are already booked so looking for a plan two (or three) I started emailing photographers in our area. I’ve received 4 emails back and would really like to set up appointments to meet with these people and start getting it set because photographers GO FAST when you’re planning a wedding and I really would like to get someone that is good and reasonably priced but my parents will not help put any money together to put down a deposit for a photographer!
How can I convince them that this is important to me and my FI and that we need their help? They’ve already promised to pay for the wedding and after such a promise am I expecting too much? I just want to get someone booked and paid for before it is too late 🙁
ANY help on this would be MUCH appreciated! Thanks!
AND for clarification: They’ve said they WANT to pay for the entire wedding. From the food, to the photographer, to the flowers. But now that’s its come time to start booking and putting deposits down they’re procrastinating and saying “we have plenty of time.”
Post # 3
i know this is not what you want to hear…. but you are big kids… your are getting married… so if your parents dont want to pay for the wedding or maybe cant pay for it… well they shouldnt have to. its your wedding. i would say start saving… see what you can do on your own and try to talk to them about a budget if they still want to help you. its not your parents responsibility to pay for everything.
Post # 4
I just want to understand. They promised to pay for the wedding, so you already went over a budget with them?
Post # 5
Are they paying for the entire wedding?
Post # 6
Yes! They’ve said they WANT to pay for the ENTIRE wedding!
Post # 7
And I’m not expecting them to pay for the WHOLE photography bill themselves. Helping with the deposit is all. Not even the whole thing like they promised!
Post # 8
In all honesty, I’d assume that my Fi and I were going to pay for everything and budget accordingly. Then, if they stop procrastinating and give you money, it’s a bonus!
Post # 9
You need to tell them that it needs to be booked asap. Then, let them know you will need $X by x date.
Post # 10
Normally I’d agree that you should not expect anything. If they already offered to pay, that changes things a bit. But have you actually sorted out a budget with them? Going about this in a piecemeal way is going to be very messy (i.e. starting to book things without figuring out what your overall budget will be first). You need to have a discussion with them and figure out what your budgetary constraints are, and whether their contribution comes with any conditions (like 40 additional guests you may not have been thinking of). They may want you to lay out for them what you think each componenent will cost (my dad basically needs a spreadsheet listing all the factors and their estimated costs).
I think you’ll be fine. Just breathe and start out with big-picture plans first. Honestly, they’re probably thinking, “Holy crap, it’s a year away and she needs how much for a photographer now??”
Post # 11
@GreenGables: Thank you 🙂 The whole “just breathe” thing really helped alot actually. lol
Post # 12
Of course. 🙂
One other thing I thought of, that I didn’t mention before – they may have said they were going to pay for your “entire wedding,” but if you haven’t talked numbers with them yet, they will probably have an entirely different concept than you do as far as what an entire wedding costs. I understand things can be done on a budget, but generally speaking, weddings today cost a lot more than they did when your parents got married. They may not have any clue what average prices are now. My dad didn’t believe me when I told him what weddings are running in our area. I had to show him.
Post # 13
I have to agree with the above posters about this: you definitely need to get estimates and look around first: that way, you can go to your parents with a proposed budget, and ask them how much they’re willing to help out. In no way can you expect them to pay for it, even if they said they would (they may WANT to, but may not be able to). Back in our parents’ day, $15k was a huge, fancy wedding. Obviously, not so anymore! After the honest discussion with your parents about funds (the worst thing would be to have the wedding of your dreams, and then your parents have no retirement money left, so have to move in with you for the next few years. I know people this happened to. They SO regret not having a small backyard wedding!).
You and your FI can then decide if you should cut down your budget, or pay for the remainder yourselves. You definitely need an itemized budget estimate before you do anything, though!
More importantly, you’ve got over a year – RELAX. Your number one photographer might be out, but look around and you’ll find lots of good options. As you watch the WB posts, you’ll see that the number one piece of advice is to not rush into decisions – whether it’s a dress, a venue or a cake server. You have lots of time. Enjoy it!
Post # 14
@GreenGables: I agree with everything she said. You need to sit down and talk about numbers (of guests) and a general idea of what type of wedding you want. If you have a general idea of what costs will be for things (cake, photographer, DJ, etc.) share those costs with your parents and let them decide just how much they want to pay.
Your parents may also not understand the urgency in getting things booked. Times have definitely changed there and with almost every major piece, we booked at least a year out.
Post # 15
I am going through something very similar with my parents. My fiance and I assume the onus is on us and have started putting deposits down ourselves. If my parents end up reimbursing us, that would be a huge bonus.
Post # 16
Have you explained to them June is the busiest month for weddings in the entire year and that booking a year in advance is normal and now they’re behind?? I told my parents that they need to book a caterer now if they want to save $$ and that worked pretty well 😉
My parents think I am doing everything super early (wedding is July) but I find people “on the outside” of wedding planning just do not understand wedding timelines & vendors…