Post # 1
SO i am having an incredibly hard time picking my bridesmaids and I was hoping you could give me your opinions!
My Fiancé has already asked 5 guys to be his groomsmen and 1 guy to be an usher.
I have asked 3…and I am struggling to decide on the other 2. I currently have 2 open spots and 4 candidates for bridesmaids
As for who I have already asked: My best friend from Highschool to be my maid of honor ..we will call her Betsy. My cousin ..we will call her Nicole. And a friend I am currently in Medical school with..let’s call her Rebecca.
Who am I deciding between?
My 2 roommates from undergrad Nancy and Sarah, and 2 girls I am in medical school with Mary and Katie.
I was in Sarah’s small wedding this summer, but we have not kept in touch!
Nancy and I keep in touch from time to time, but I feel like I can’t ask her without also asking Sarah.
Katie is a bit of a drama queen and is always putting herself first, but I have a lot of fun with her! I know she will be hurt if I do not ask her, but I am afraid we are not going to keep in touch when we graduate, and that she is going to be the hardest one to please.
At last but not least, Mary. She is a sweetheart who would love to be in my wedding, but I know she won’t be hurt if I don’t ask her. I feel like I can’t ask Mary without asking Katie. Also Mary just got engaged!
So what do you think Bees? Who should I choose?
Post # 3
It’s really hard for other people to answer this for you… Ask yourself which girl you absolutley can’t imagine not being there. Or which girl you think you will stay in touch with throughout your life? Go with your gut feeling and don’t worry about what the girls will think– if they’re good friends then they’ll understand your decision, or at least come to terms with it.
Another thing to remember is that you can still include the other girls in parts of the wedding even without them being BMs. I’m having a shower/bachelorette party that will include tons of girls who are not in the wedding party. And then some girls who are coming to my wedding from out of town will be invited to hang out in the bridal suite while we are getting ready even though they’re not BMs. Really the only difference is that the BMS will be standing at the front of the wedding with me.
Post # 4
I really think this is only a question that you can answer for yourself!
Post # 5
Have considered having a mismatched bridal party? Meaning – just have 3. I really don’t think you have to have even numbers… but, that’s just me.
Post # 6
Follow your heart. Sounds like to me you would like Nancy and Mary. You know your friends best my advice is to pick someone who you can count on that will be flexible and helpful .Also remember you can include the other 2 girls in your wedding by having them do a reading during the ceremony!! Just a thought!!
Post # 7
I know you are all right, but i think it is so hard for me because the only people that I know will always be there for me I have already asked to be in my wedding. And while I could just have those 3, I think it would bother me when I looked at the pictures and it was un even.
What about Sarah, am I obligated to have her in my wedding because I was in hers? I was one of her 3 bridesmaids, so I feel like I should ask her?
Post # 8
I voted for Sarah and Nancy simply because I think you need to avoid Katie [ironically, my name is Katie 🙂 ] like the plague. She sounds like she will ruin your planning experience. So, from what I can tell by what you said, since Katie’s out, that means Mary’s out. Leaving Sarah and Nancy.
OR, if you’re okay with handling drama (personally, I am NOT) then go with Nancy and Mary. It seems like they’re the closest to you and the most reliable.
ETA: No, you’re not obligated to ask Sarah to be in your wedding. I’ve been in 3 weddings in the past 2 year and I didn’t ask any of them to be in mine. I think they were a little miffed at first but it blew over.
Post # 9
Are there any other girls in med school who you’re NOT asking to be BMs? If it’s just Rebecca, Mary and Katie, it seems awful to ask Rebecca and Mary and leave Katie out.
It sounds like you don’t really keep in touch with Sarah… but if you’re not close friends then why did she ask you to be her BM? Will she be hurt if you don’t ask her in return?
I’d be inclined to choose your current friends who you see regularly, not old friends from years ago who you barely even keep in touch with. Unless your old friends are really important to you… which it doesn’t sound like they are, otherwise you’d make more effort to stay in touch.
Post # 10
I think you need to ask yourself if you really want someone in your wedding pictures if you don’t plan to talk to them or keep in touch again
Post # 11
I’m not sure who you should go for, but I’d pick two to be bridesmaids and make the other two house party members.
Post # 12
I don’t think this is something strangers can or should decide for you.
Post # 13
I was in a similar position. I was in two girls weddings but we have’t talked much since then. However I knew they will be really upset if I don’t ask them. I chose to pick two other girls that I talk to almost daily. You should pick the people that you want to spend your day with. Thats what I did. You shouldn’t feel obligated to ask them.
Post # 14
I would just have uneven sides. We have uneven sides, and we’re planning on having one Groomsmen walk with 2 Bridesmaid or Best Man, and probably end up having 2BM’s walk together. It’s really not a big deal. When I look back at the pics, I won’t be thinking about how I had 2 extra warm bodies to “fill out my side” I will see my best friends, my very closest confidants that I could not imagine getting married without them there.
Post # 15
I think it sometimes could be easier to if there is a certain “theme” to the bridal party.. for example if you had your cousin, your childhood friend, your college friend and your med school friend you can say you have one person representing each stage of your life before getting married. That can help avoid hurt feelings if say you ask nancy and not sarah. Makes it more about the symbolism and not about personally rejecting someone.
Post # 16
If you must do even sides (which I strongly discourage, based on what you’ve said) – of the 4 – who do you envision will be the best support to you and Darling Husband in your marriage. Those are the two I would pick.