Post # 1
Regular bee, here posting under an anonymous username. I need help/advice.
I know that I’m really emotional right now, so please nothing negative. I just want to figure out how to work through this and I feel overwhelmed. I am almost 8 months pregnant, so I know that I’m really emotional right now.
My husband and I just recently got a new puppy. We already have a dog who is 2 years old. He is my baby and he is very attached to me. We are working on helping our puppy get to know our older dog and slowly getting them used to each other. They seem to be slowly getting used to each other. After their first meeting, however, the older dog ran into the bedroom and pooped on the bed.
I know that this behavior is because he is upset about the new puppy. My husband got really upset though, and picked up the dog and spanked him and then yelled at me and said it was my fault he did that because I spoil him too much.
I just couldn’t talk to him after that. I cried all night. I kept thinking, “How can I raise a child with this man?” I know he was upset, but you can’t just react on emotion when parenting (and I consider raising my pets parenting). I also got upset thinking…”what happens if we have another child and the oldest gets upset and acts out. Will he get so upset and spank her too?!”
Please, just tell me if I’m overreacting so I can calm down about it. We haven’t talked about it, but I’m afraid to do it now, because I keep crying everytime I think about it, and I just don’t want to have a conversation when I’m emotional and potentially irrational. I could use some advice, ladies. Thank you ahead of time for reading this!
Post # 3
@petmommybee: It will be okay. Just calm down. Sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him how you feel. DH acts totally different between the dog and our child. I think your emotions have the best of you right now.
Post # 4
@petmommybee: You ARE overreacting. Many people do not equate the care of animals as the same as raising children. I am one of them as is my FI. My FI’s family is from Mexico and in their area people don’t even let animals in the house.
They are not human and they need to be trained. It sounds like your DH was a little harsh with your older dog, but that sounds kind of normal for training dogs.
You should have a conversation with your DH about the way he treated the dog and ask point blank if he thinks that is the right way to treat a child. I’d be willing to be the answer is a resounding “NO”.
Post # 5
I think you’re just feeling very emotional at the moment! I would be upset if my husband disciplined the dog that way, but I don’t think it has any correlation to how he would treat your child. Once you calm down, you should have a talk with him about how you don’t agree with the way he treated the dog and that in the future maybe the disciplining can be left to you. I’m sure you’ll feel better once you two talk about it 🙂
Post # 6
Ok…you poor thing. No connection between parenting skills and dog training, one has nothing to do with the other, so put that thought in the trash. Stop crying, get out some Christmas movies, wrap a few presents, make some fudge, have the dogs take a few walks together out on neutral ground and tell yourself you are working on it, and it will all be fine…because it will be, I promise.
Post # 8
I think you need to have a talk with him when you are calm and tell him how his reaction made you feel. Tell him that you would prefer that he not spank the dog that way. Keep this about the dog, not about future children….
Post # 9
Thank you, ladies!! I really appreciate your kind words. I know I need to talk to my husband, so I will work really hard on not getting emotional when I do. Last night I had a dream that our older dog ran away and I just woke up so upset. I’m trying to get myself under control.
Post # 10
@petmommybee: If the dogs’ don’t start getting along and getting into a routine, you may want to consider finding a new home for the puppy. I am a parent and there is no way that I would subject myself to dealing with a puppy while becoming a first time parent. I am guessing that your husband is a bit overwhelmed by all the new responsibilities of the puppy and the soon to be born baby. By the way, congrats! Motherhood is amazing.
Post # 11
@MrsFuzzyFace: I was thinking that, too. Maybe a new puppy isn;t the best idea with a new baby.
Post # 12
@petmommybee: I can identify with this x1000.
I first want to echo previous posters who said that people feel differently about animals. My dog is my baby. He is my DHs dog. So yes, he treats him differently than I would, he isn’t abusive, but he is shorter tempered with him. If the dog cries in the middle of the night to be let out, DH lets him out, but is irritated about it, whereas I feel that something must be upsetting the dog’s stomach, so I’m more likely to be concerned and nurturing.
Take that with a grain of salt, because DH is the one who gets out of bed. Maybe i’d be cranky too if that was me.
Anyway, how he acts with the dog has NOTHING to do with how he treats our baby. I had the same worries as you, before we had her, and DH is a fantastic Dad. He has an abundance of patience (it’s a little unreal) and it always happy to see her, sweet, loving, and all around amazing. Granted, she’s 8m old, so we have lots of time to screw it up, but so far, I can’t think of a single instance where he has been less than a perfect father.
Lastly, I would NOT have a new baby and a puppy at the same time. Our dog was 3 1/2 when our daughter was born, and even that requires some very careful finesse. And it’s not like you can just get a dog to be cool with the baby and then check that off your list. You have to work on it and monitor it every day.
Post # 13
I totally understand how you feel…our dog is my baby too.
One thing I would say though, is try to remember that dogs aren’t people: meaning they don’t understand words. Your husband reacted to the dog the way most would, using (moderate, not overly aggressive) physical force, because that is how you train a dog. Think of how you teach them to walk properly on a leash:you give them a little tug when they’re pulling too much, etc. That is a languge dogs understand.
I don’t think that your husband did was necessarily a reflection of how he will be as a parent to a human baby. But if you are really that worried, definitely have a chat when you have had a chance to calm down a bit.
Post # 14
Thank you all, ladies for your great responses. I’m not too worried about having the puppy and the new baby…I’d give you more information to allay your fears, but it would give away my identity. But believe me, your concerns are duly noted! I appreciate the advice.
I will talk to my husband in a little while and then I’ll update you all.
I realize that dogs are pets to some people and children to others. I always thought my husband and I were on the same page with our feelings about that…but I think that that is not the case. I know he and I can come to terms with this if we talk about it. I just really needed to talk to others before I tried to talk to him about it. I appreciate all of you listening to me and being kind in your responses. I’m sure I sound pretty ridiculous and you were all very supportive despite that. I really thank you all for that.
Post # 15
oh dear! I understand why you are upset. I would not worry that he will treat your child that way. And having an infant, who is too little to even need disciplining for a long time, is a great teacher of patience. I would however talk to him about how he disciplines the dog because hitting it does nothing productive. The dog doesn’t learn anything except to fear him and not to trust him. But while I understand your concerns/emotions, this doesn’t mean he will treat a child that way. Though, have you talked about how you will parent, and what forms of discipline you believe in? If not, it’s an important discussion to have.
Post # 16
@petmommybee: Even if you view your pets as your “children”, you realize that they need to be trained differently than children, right? It doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love & value your dog, he’s just being pragmatic. Honestly, if there are problems integrating the new puppy into the household, that really needs to be nipped in the bud asap, before baby comes, and he probably realizes that & wants to take action. In the past, have you not used this form of discipline on your older dog? What disciplinary action do you usually take?