Post # 1
I have a family member who is difficult (to put it mildly) and pretty much acts like the world revovles around her. I’ve only seen her 3 times, and she lives in Canada. I knew she was going to be on vacation on my wedding (she told my mom she couldn’t make it and suggested we move the date). I just mailed invitations and sent her an email apologizing that I couldn’t put postage on the RSVP enveloppe as I can’t buy the proper Canadian postage from the states. She clearly thought my mom sent the email. This is her response:
Hi [my mom’s name],
Thank you for sending the invitation. We will take care for the postage. Too bad we can not attend.. We could have planned our trip around the wedding time if we had known about that earlier. We talked about that already. My girls are facing the same situation.
How is the preparation going? I am sure – everything is under control. Did you hire the designer to decorate the place?
How many people so far?
Hugs, [her name]
Not sure how I should respond to this without coming across as completely rude…
Post # 3
What’s the problem? Just respond that you are sorry that she won’t be able to make it and you hope to see her again sometime soon in the future. End of story. I don’t really get a rude tone from her email at all.
Post # 4
@futurefishy: I second PP. I don’t see anything rudestrange about that email. I’d respond back that you’re sorry she can’t make it, you hope to see her in a timely fashion, and maybe say that you’ll share pictures of the day if she’d like.
Post # 5
I actaully do think that email has a very passive aggressive tone with things like “we could have planned around it…” “we talked about that already”. Probably because you framed it that she is a very difficult person, and since you know her personality that’s probably what you’re seeing too.
I would just respond with a very short message. “This is (name) actaully. Sorry you will not be able to attend. The planning is coming along, thanks for asking.”
Post # 6
“Hello! It’s actually (Your Name)!” Then respond to the questions about the decorator.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
Id forward i to my mum seeing as it was addressed to her and ask her to give my regards. Then Id get on with planning the happiest day of my life
Post # 8
@Kit_Kath: Exactly! It’s the passive aggressiveness that’s irking me. My mom suggested not even sending an invitation as she would see it as me pleading her to come.
Post # 9
I’m also not seeing anything strange about her email.
Email her back telling her it’s you and answer the questions and maybe forward the email to your mom.
Don’t let her get under your skin.
Post # 10
I don’t find her response weird. She’s asking some slightly personal questions, but otherwise, I don’t find an issue with it.
Post # 11
@futurefishy: Forward to your mom, and let her reply. She’ll see her mistake after that.
Post # 12
@Glasgowbound: It’s these phrases: “we could have planned around it…” especially with her telling my mom before that we should change the date so they could come…
Post # 13
Yes, the first part of her email does sound very passive aggressive, considering how you wrote about her. Oh well– whether she feels slighted or not, that’s her issue, not yours. Ignore that part, and just give a standard “sorry you won’t be able to make it” spiel. I usually thank them for their love and support and then offer to send them pictures, lol.
If you want to address her questions at all without giving away all of your plans, you could just say, “Wedding plans are going very well. (Mr. Fishy) and I are very excited. It’s just around the corner now!”
Post # 14
After all that (and a random phone call to my mom explaining again that they can’t come), I got an email yesterday saying their circumstances changed and asking if they could come…. She clearly needs a lot of attention…
Post # 15
@futurefishy: If you do not want her to come, dont feel bad when you do not send her an invitation. Keep planning and worry about you and yours and not her feelings.
Post # 16
In the e-mail she didn’t come off rude. She mistakenly thought it was your mom so I would just say “Hey its actually _____” and then answer her questions if you want to. Not sure if she is being nosy or if she just wants to know how the planning is going since she won’t be able to go.