(Closed) help me say no without looking like a jerk!

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

I would call her up and tell her, Hey, I was thinking about it and I think that I’d just rather not have Aunt A there. I’m sorry if this puts you in an awkward position, but I really think it would be inappropriate for her to be there, since it’s an event that my friends have planned that could be at parts kind of inappropriate.” 

And i would leave it at that. Your Future Mother-In-Law is crazy and I would get Fiance to tell her she’s not invited to your bachelorette, too.

Post # 4
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I would tell her. I actually was in a very similar situation with my mother, but I wanted to just enjoy my friends and so when she invited herself (not to a bachelorette party, but a similar kind of event) I disabused her of it right away. I did give in for a few minutes, and it was an ugly fight afterwards when I corrected it, but some things are worth fighting for and this was one of them for me. Is this one of them for you?

Post # 5
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If it’s a typical night on the town kind of bachelorette party and you don’t want your Future Mother-In-Law and aunts to be there, then I definitely think you should call her and tell her.  If it was like a spa day kind of bachelorette party, it wouldn’t seem like a big deal.

It always seems weird to me when I see bachelorette parties at the bar and there are moms/aunts in tow.  They look really uncomfortable most of the time.  Maybe it’s just that I would personally feel awkward with my mom or Future Mother-In-Law there.  I’d be on edge the whole time and wouldn’t enjoy myself.  So, if you think it’ll bother you…I think you should say something.  She might be grumpy, but she’ll get over it.  And it’s your party anyways!

Post # 6
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I would call her and let her know ASAP.  Maybe you could reach a compromise?  Is it possible for your Future Mother-In-Law and FI’s aunt to go to dinner with you?  And then you and your friends go out without them after dinner?

Post # 7
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

tell her no. (Although at this point I am just done with everyones special requests and since I’m so close I dont give a toot about what they think!)

Post # 8
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Are you throwing it yourself? If I were you, I’d gently tell her (again) that you want a small friends-only party for this particular event, and say that Bridesmaid Sally is throwing it, and to direct any questions her way. It’s much easier for all concerned to deflect these questions – just prepare Sally in advance. And ask your fiance to talk to his mom – really, why in the universe would she be inviting aunts and grannies to a bachelorette party? Awkward! I’m sure he’d say something if she invited herself to HIS party, no?

Post # 9
16217 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Can you perhaps have a family-included dinner before your party? Don’t let her ruin YOUR night!

Post # 10
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

That sucks that your Future Mother-In-Law is pushing herself into this party.  However, you may want to reconsider whether you want the aunt to come.  If it’s just your Future Mother-In-Law and no one else from her generation, she’ll end up being pretty involved with the party.  However, if she has someone else there with her, her and the aunt might go off and hang out by themselves and leave you and your friends alone.

Post # 11
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It is just as strange as if your father would participate in your FI’s bachelor party…


You have to tell her…

Post # 13
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I agree….be honest with her, and let her know you’d be most comfortable if the guest list only consisted of your closest girlfriends – since some parts may be a little inappropriate and/or slightly embarrassing for you. If she had any tact at all, she would agree and not bring the aunt (and maybe the Future Mother-In-Law herself will skip out, too).

Post # 14
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Can you have a low key “boring” bachelorette party with your Future Mother-In-Law and these family members (maybe um, dinner?) and then a “traditional” night out with just your girls and uh, not mention it to them?

I’ve had friends who’ve had 2 bachelorette parties in order to satisfy their family members who wanted to tag along.

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