Post # 1
I am in a sticky situation bees, and I could use your help! (Btw – this probably all seems silly, but its a matter of principle!)
My bachelorette party is coming up soon and Future Mother-In-Law invited herself to it long ago, which I assumed she would, even though I would prefer for her not to be there. To me, a bachelorette party is for the bride and her friends. To Future Mother-In-Law, it is for the whole extended family. Knowing this, I made it clear that I wanted a small party, just with my friends, and FI’s aunts and cousins weren’t on the guest list simply because of the size of party I preferred. To be fair, none of my aunts or cousins are on the guest list either.
So Future Mother-In-Law calls me yesterday and talks about a variety of stuff and at the end slips in, “Oh and Aunt A was asking me about your bachelorette party so I told her she can just come with me to it. That’s okay, right?”
So this puts me in the spot of having to say either “Yeah that’s fine,” and being all easy-going about it, or saying “Actually, I specifically said that I would prefer no one other than who I put on the list be invited, so you can go ahead and uninvite her.” Not wanting to be rude, and actually uninvite someone, I chose the first one.
Now I am kicking myself because I should have gone with the second one right?? It is bothering me to no end that Future Mother-In-Law thinks that little of my opinion. Should I email her and tell her I changed my mind, and its not fair to the other family members? Or should I just go with the flow and get walked on? At this point it seems like a matter of being able to put my foot down. My parents aren’t meddling in FI’s bachelor party, I don’t see why Future Mother-In-Law has to meddle in mine!
Post # 3
I would call her up and tell her, Hey, I was thinking about it and I think that I’d just rather not have Aunt A there. I’m sorry if this puts you in an awkward position, but I really think it would be inappropriate for her to be there, since it’s an event that my friends have planned that could be at parts kind of inappropriate.”
And i would leave it at that. Your Future Mother-In-Law is crazy and I would get Fiance to tell her she’s not invited to your bachelorette, too.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I would tell her. I actually was in a very similar situation with my mother, but I wanted to just enjoy my friends and so when she invited herself (not to a bachelorette party, but a similar kind of event) I disabused her of it right away. I did give in for a few minutes, and it was an ugly fight afterwards when I corrected it, but some things are worth fighting for and this was one of them for me. Is this one of them for you?
Post # 5
If it’s a typical night on the town kind of bachelorette party and you don’t want your Future Mother-In-Law and aunts to be there, then I definitely think you should call her and tell her. If it was like a spa day kind of bachelorette party, it wouldn’t seem like a big deal.
It always seems weird to me when I see bachelorette parties at the bar and there are moms/aunts in tow. They look really uncomfortable most of the time. Maybe it’s just that I would personally feel awkward with my mom or Future Mother-In-Law there. I’d be on edge the whole time and wouldn’t enjoy myself. So, if you think it’ll bother you…I think you should say something. She might be grumpy, but she’ll get over it. And it’s your party anyways!
Post # 6
I would call her and let her know ASAP. Maybe you could reach a compromise? Is it possible for your Future Mother-In-Law and FI’s aunt to go to dinner with you? And then you and your friends go out without them after dinner?
Post # 7
tell her no. (Although at this point I am just done with everyones special requests and since I’m so close I dont give a toot about what they think!)
Post # 8
Are you throwing it yourself? If I were you, I’d gently tell her (again) that you want a small friends-only party for this particular event, and say that Bridesmaid Sally is throwing it, and to direct any questions her way. It’s much easier for all concerned to deflect these questions – just prepare Sally in advance. And ask your fiance to talk to his mom – really, why in the universe would she be inviting aunts and grannies to a bachelorette party? Awkward! I’m sure he’d say something if she invited herself to HIS party, no?
Post # 9
Can you perhaps have a family-included dinner before your party? Don’t let her ruin YOUR night!
Post # 10
That sucks that your Future Mother-In-Law is pushing herself into this party. However, you may want to reconsider whether you want the aunt to come. If it’s just your Future Mother-In-Law and no one else from her generation, she’ll end up being pretty involved with the party. However, if she has someone else there with her, her and the aunt might go off and hang out by themselves and leave you and your friends alone.
Post # 11
It is just as strange as if your father would participate in your FI’s bachelor party…
You have to tell her…
Post # 12
Thanks for the encouragement bees!
I just sent her an email to let her know that I was hurt that she ignored what I wanted, and that no one else should be added to the guest list. I know that if I uninvited her the sh*t would hit the fan, and I’ve come to grips with that long ago, but she’s going to have to try ti fit in eith my girls.
Post # 13
I agree….be honest with her, and let her know you’d be most comfortable if the guest list only consisted of your closest girlfriends – since some parts may be a little inappropriate and/or slightly embarrassing for you. If she had any tact at all, she would agree and not bring the aunt (and maybe the Future Mother-In-Law herself will skip out, too).
Post # 14
Can you have a low key “boring” bachelorette party with your Future Mother-In-Law and these family members (maybe um, dinner?) and then a “traditional” night out with just your girls and uh, not mention it to them?
I’ve had friends who’ve had 2 bachelorette parties in order to satisfy their family members who wanted to tag along.
Post # 15
And she emailed me back… and isn’t coming to the party at all. Which is not what I asked for. wtf is wrong with people??
Post # 16
So now Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law both called Fiance to tell him that I chewed FMIL’s @$$, which is not true at all. Fiance told them it was my call and hung up on them. Do I apologize? What do I do? I don’t want them all pissed at each other, but Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law are acting like kids.