(Closed) Help me sort out this situation!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Aquaria:  Let them figure it out.  It’s best not to get involved in other people’s fights.  Play Switzerland and invite them both as planned.  One or both of them will hopefully be classy and act appropriately or decline the invitation if they can’t behave.

Post # 5
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@Aquaria:  Don’t get involved. It doesn’t even matter what the problem is.

Post # 7
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Do absolutely nothing.  Invite them both and seat them far apart.  Stay out of it and they can and will sort it out when and if they decide to.

Post # 8
1776 posts
Buzzing bee

I have several family members who have been feuding for about 15 yrs.  Whenever I have a family function I invite both, and they can decide if they want to attend or not – aware that the other person may be there.  


If they ask, I tell them that I love them both, and refuse to take sides.  At this point I can see that they’ve both hurt each other and that neither of them is blameless, but that everyone is invited to any function that I host. 


Stay neutral (even if you secretly side with one of them)


ETA:  They both usually do show up, and behave themselves.  With others in the family where they’ve taken sides there is usually some drama either about someone not being invited, or misbehavior at the event.  Don’t let yourself get sucked into it.  If they try to talk to you about it say something like, ” I’m so sorry to hear that you are having a problem with ‘jane’ but as you’re both dear friends, I just cannot take sides, and even talking about it puts me in the middle.  Lets move on and talk about the new restaurant in town.”


Post # 10
491 posts
Helper bee

@Aquaria:  I would invite them both.

If they are close friends of yours, you could tell them that you expect there to not be any problems at your wedding. I would hope that because they are adults they wouldn’t even need a warning to know better than ruining a friends wedding. 

Post # 11
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@Aquaria:  Whoa I didn’t think this would be violent!

You can’t play referee, but maybe ask a close friend to keep an eye on them? If Fighty wants to start something physical, they can leave. 

Post # 13
2296 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Seems like Friend 1 has some anger issues to work out.  This is not something you should be in the middle of.  

Post # 14
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Aquaria:  Um – if I did anything, I’d disinvite the one who threatened to FIGHT the other one. That is over the top immature behavior, and betokens someone who could create other trouble too because his ideas of acceptable behavior are so far from the norm.

I’d get my Fiance to do it, to be honest — stay the heck away from this mess!

Post # 15
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

I think the best way to go is to stay neutral and out of this mess, as previous posters have said… it’s not your problem if your friends can’t handle themselves maturely.  Maybe ask another friend who’ll be sitting near/at the same table to monitor them and kick them out (or at least break them up) the moment it looks like a fight might be happening.

Post # 16
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

As PP have said the best thing to do is stay out of it. However if you think it might actually come to an altercation then you might want to sit down with Mr. Fighty and tell him that if he can’t behave he’s out.

We had a similar situation in that we didn’t trust certain family members to behave themselves at our wedding (my Father-In-Law topping the list!) so we armed the wedding party with loaded water guns and told them who to watch. We figured nothing would cool a temper faster than getting squirted with a water gun.

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