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At the risk of suggesting the very obvious - have you talked to him about this? Did he used to be more enthusiastic about initiating sex? I hate to blame everything on the crappy economy, but I know that not having a job for a few months has certainly taken a lot of the wind out of my mojo sails! If that's the case, maybe you could try and come up with ideas for free dates, so money is less of an issue. In regards to getting him in the mood - send enticing emails or texts, allude to what might happen that night when you're getting ready in the morning, leave notes for him that he can find during the day (in his briefcase, with his lunch, etc), write notes to him on the mirror in the bathroom that he'll see when he gets out of the shower. I'll keep thinking about more stuff you could try, but hopefully some other Bees will chime in!
I send FI texts, and pictures at work so he can start to get excited for that night! It seems to work for him!!!! maybe send him on a sexy scavenger hunt. or leave little naughty notes. things that just get him thinking about it, so he starts to get excited and then wants you bad by the time it comes.
Also, tell him you want him to initiate more! Be blunt about it :)
I send him flirty sexual texts all the time. Even say things, wore things, everthing. Ive mentioned this to him before and then he gets sexual for a week, then it wears off to this. I tried to go down on him the other night while watchin a movie and he wanted to wait til later. When later came nothing happened but then he wanted to fall asleep so I did it then. I miss the spontaneous of him wanting me. The last time he really wanted me was after a few beers while discussing 3somes. I dont want to have to go that far for him to want me. What should I do?
When he comes home, greet him wearing somehting naughty. When I feel like we need to spice it up every now and then, that's what I do. I'll buy some new lingerie and give it a whirl ;)
If that doesn't work, tell him about all the places in your house that you'd like to christen. I can guarantee that whenever Mr. Rainbow goes into our hallway closet he has good memories, which gets him thinking about sex, wheich makes him want to have more sex. ;)
He might not be as interested in sex as you are. I know it sounds sort of strange, but you two should schedule times to be together. And then try to make it fun. Try different things, buy a toy or Kama Sutra book (I like the Cosmo one).
When my FH and I went through something like this I bought a steamy book and left it sitting on the counter.. Subtle, but he got the drift.
I guess it just bothers me alot that I have to be the one to initiate it all the time. And as a woman you want your man to sexually think about you and want you. He's got the loving and cute part down. Just not the sex part. I can be a little stuck up cause Im in disguise right now. I am really attractive and work out everyday. My body is great. I know I look great, I dont flaunt it though, I even model. So it makes me even mroe confused.
@rainbow-Im in need of new lingerae so that's a good idea. I always go to bed practially naked. Maybe I should wear some clothes now to make him fantasize more?
Ive thought about the christening idea, I jsut wish it was his idea. ya know?
I agree with MissAsB...my fiance and I are pretty stressed out with work and life and sometimes our sex drive is non-existant due to the stress. We have a shared google calendar that sync's with our phones. Every now and then, I'll get a google calendar reminder that sexy time is in 15 minutes! It is unromantic to schedule in sex, but with our lives, sometimes it is needed.
Also, we have talked about the subject so we know that the underlying issue is our stress level - not a relationship issue. Talk to him. He may not even realize that this is an issue.
RosieGirl is right, be blunt!
Basically talk like a hooker lol! Say I can't wait to do "such in such to you" in a text, very bluntly ;) it'll drive him crazy. Use the F word too, make it just about the sex and not so much about lovey dovey stuff, this works esp if you don't normally talk like that too.
Also, the element of surprise should never be underestimated. Cook dinner in a maids outfit, or when your laying around in your pjs and get up to go into the other room, come back out in sexy lingerie.
@Roseygirl and Annie and all you bee's- Im afraid hes gonna start getting annoyed or think Im crazy if I keep mentioning it to him that we never have sex anymore or is there a problem. How about if I put it to him like this...We are gonna have to start scheduling some sexy time, I want out of this dry spell.
I swear to god this makes me feel like crap when I dont feel sexually wanted. I really dont think he cares about lingerae. Ive tried all of that. I just hope he isnt into porn and not me.
Do you see the things I worry about?
I am going through the same right now. I have brought it up and he doesn't take it well. I've tried all the suggestions above too. I sometimes feel it is me who's wrong bc women aren't "supposed" to have a higher sex drive than their boyfriends. I do though.
We haven't figured it out yet, I don't really have advice, just wanted to let you know I'm in the same boat and it isn't just you. I just had the same discussion with a good friend regarding her husband the other day.
I suggest the book 52 nights of great sex. Get it at barnes and noble.
Some of the stuff was a bit much for us, but we toned it down a bit. Still stole much of their ideas and we are quite happy. Winkey winkey!
Maybe you are being too aggressive. That can be a problem for guys too. Guys appreciate the small things that we do too. If you make his lunch, try writing a note to him just letting him know that you love him and hope he has a wonderful day; maybe spray it with a little bit of your perfume. If you don't make his lunch, put it in his car or tape it to the mirror in the bathroom. Let him know that you love him without expecting anything in return. When you are watching a movie, just hold his hand or lay your head on his lap or have him lay on your lap. Just think of little things that you can do to make him know he is appreciated and that sex is not expected every time.
There's also some great board games out there (Nookaii and Monogamy I think are the big ones over here) that start you off asking questions to each other. Starting with where you like being kissed, etc etc and moving on to describing fantasies, etc. From what I gather there's some "community chest" cards where you have to do whatever's on the card to your partner and vica versa. Maybe that'd help!
But otherwise, I'd just talk to him. I know when Mr Moo and I have a lapse in our sex life it's usually due to work strain and we both don't push each other about it unless it starts taking an unusually long time (about a week I think is our limit!). But generally we're pretty sexually adventurous in the bedroom and we click very well on a sexual level so that's kept us going!
I like all of this advice... but you might have to consider that his sex drive just is not as high as yours and that it has absolutely nothing to do with you. My sex drive is lower than my FI's and it isn't because I don't love him or because it isn't great when we do it or because of anything except that... I just don't feel like it as much as he does! And we did used to do it more, partially because it was new and partially because in year 1 I was a lot more concerned about turning him down haha.
I agree with Corgi that at the beginning of the relationship, my husband and I had a lot more sex than we do now, because it was new and exciting. And he may not have as big a sex drive as you.
But I do agree that pointing it out specifically isn't going to help him feel better about it. It will probably make him more self conscious. I would think he would like you wanting to have sex with him. That seems to be the number one complaint of guys that they always have to initiate and it seems like their partner doesn't want them as much.
And just a thought but do you think that maybe he thinks that you like to initiate so that's why he doesn't? Just an idea.
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Sex used to be every other day. Now we are lucky if we have it once a week! And its the same old thing. I initiate it everytime and need some idea's so my H can be the one to want it more and think about it more with me! And for the record. I go the distance with him, done it all. I look great too. Help Bee's! Anyone else have this problem or can offer some help?
Love-a busybee in disguise.