- 7 years ago
Long time lurker, first time poster with a recent situation, I need help.
In October/Nov 2010 I found a colour of Bridesmaid or Best Man dress I loved and wanted to give my (5) girls a hope at loving their dress, wearing it again, etc.
3/5 girls found dresses and were “sold” on them, 2/5 wanted to wait until Spring collection came out the make a final decision, fine.
Upon price checking we figured it would be around $280/dress (taxes in) plus alterations for most of the dresses…eek.
To me, that was a big ouch, that’s a lot of money, if I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man and was asked to pay that as a non-girly girl person or even if I was, that’s a lot of money for a dress. I mentioned to the girls I was ok bailing on the dresses and waiting until Spring from prom dress season, etc for one dress that would suit all 5. Wedding is at a nice farm, outdoor summer wedding with no Air Conditioning, the dresses are light versus matte taffeta fitted bridal store dresses. January comes around and we firm the decision to bail on the bridal store/expensive dresses and would go with a storebought dress. An unexpected trip here by my Maid/Matron of Honor happened (Feb 13-16) and so on Feb 14th we went shopping with the short timeframe we had available with the Maid/Matron of Honor here.
One of the BM’s is my (17 year old) sister and she was invited to shop but with her leaving for Cuba the morning of the 15th, my Mother made the call to leave her behind primarily for two reasons, but let’s just use the trip as the excuse.
We (Me/Bride, and 3 of the girls) scoured a big mall in the city and didn’t find much to be honest. The first dress we liked is what we ended up going back to buy, a dress from Sears.
At the cash purchasing 3 of the 5 dresses we notice a “P” on the size of the dress and realize it’s a petite dress. We think “oh crap” knowing my sister is who she is at nearly 6’2”, this won’t work! We call a few Sears locations to see if non-petite options are available, they are not. The day after I took the 4th Bridesmaid or Best Man to get her dress, and purchase one for my sister. Just to be safe for size (as we compared the length of a 4, 6 and 8 and the 8 was longer!) we get a 14 and a 16 for sister to hopefully help in the length department.
Dress is an eggplant in colour, very similar to this (less bling at the empire waist): http://www.sears.ca/product/jessica-md-rhinestone-buckle-dress/648-000260133-4663
My BM’s are the following sizes in these dresses and their height
Size 6 -5’4”
Size 8 -5’7”
Size 12 -5’7”
Size 14 -5’3” (and needs the dress hemmed)
Size 16 (the sister at nearly 6’2”) -we bought a 14 as well, but 14 doesn’t fit.
Options to buy the dress bigger were my thoughts and then have it altered to fit for her. The dress cost is $70, even with alterations the cost would be much less than the bridal store/expensive dresses (my Mother will be paying for all expenses incurred for her to be a BM).
Sister arrived home from trip Tuesday, tried the dress Tuesday night and I was sent two photos of her with a smile in the dress.
Last night I get a phonecall from my Mom (I have not spoken to sister since she arrived home). If I was to summarize the conversation so you don’t have to read my novel that I am about to type –if we don’t get new dresses, sister will not be in the wedding party. Mom on the other hand is usually awesome. Last night and currently she is on sister’s “side”
Mom claims that the two of them as “big girls” (Mom is 6ft) the dress does not fit from the shoulder to the boob (Mom tried it on as well). Fine, my answer, buy a bigger size and then have it altered to fit. Her response, Sister’s ego will be hurt with the size of the dress, and the extra cost for alterations is unreasonable, petites just don’t work on big people like them. If it wasn’t horrible of me to post the photos of her in the dress I would, but that wouldn’t be fair to her. It doesn’t look drop dead gorgeous amazing, but it’s also not horrible either.
Mom then claims to say the reason I bailed on the dresses from Bridal store was because of Mom mentioning the cost for sister (sister was getting extra fabric, crazy alterations to “make it her own”) and I laughed because while it’s good to think of herself realistically I was thinking of ALL of the girls (one a student, one a ski bum, one just had a baby (and plans to be preggers at my wedding), one a recent uni grad) bailing on the Bridal store dresses was because that’s a lot of money for a dress for one day.
She thinks our evening visit to Sears on the 14th was “too rushed” and still thinks we’re too early looking for dresses –despite the fact that Bridal store recommends 4 months for their dress orders for Bridesmaids if we were to go that route.
She of course then asked if I was ok not having sister in the wedding party and replacing her with someone else. I said….are you ridiculous/serious? If sister isn’t in because of the dress I am not replacing her and how does that make me look? Mom came up with 100 fake excuses of how we could justify it.
Mom then said this is like me doing to her what Aunt SoandSo did to my Mom and Aunt SoandSo’s wedding party. Aunt SoandSo made Mom & Bridesmaids (15 years ago) wear bright red polyester horrifyingly ugly dress, the Maid/Matron of Honor was “large” and there wasn’t a dress on earth that could have looked worse on her and it was probably not nice on her self-esteem. I laughed saying this was not the same and said maybe for sister she won’t feel her best, but this is a $70 Sears/non Bridal dress that 4/5 love/claim to love and having seen her in the pics and thinking “it works”, I can’t figure out how to please everyone
To end my novel (if you’re still reading, I do appreciate any input you provide to help my understand me in the wrong and help me move forward) Mom essentially says if we move forward with these dresses, sister will not be in wedding party. She was not comfortable in the dress. If we return dresses, Mom & I will go dress shopping, pick a dress, assumedly ensure it fits sister, then tell the other 4 what they’re wearing. She even mentioned offering to pay the difference for the Bridal store dresses (so $200 x 4, plus the cost of sister’s dress) -I can think of a lot of other ways to spend that money (Mom is helping with overall cost of wedding). To me it’s a lot of bending over and annoying 4 others (and maybe not having that fit work) to please one.
How do I deal with this without hurting my relationship with my Mom/sister, yet not drive everyone else crazy?
If sister was just a friend/BM and Mom was Mom to another Bridesmaid or Best Man and I explained this situation to her, I would be interested to see if this scenario would exist.