Post # 1
in an attempt to be anonymous, i won’t post the picture of the exact dress that one of my BM chose to wear at my wedding.
i have a mix and match themed wedding and have allowed the 8 bridesmaids to choose their own dresses. i have sent them several pictures of the look i am going for with information on the color pallette to choose from and the length of the dress. looking back now i should have provided more guidelines to avoid the situation i am in right now. WORD OF CAUTION to all future brides who are going the route of mix and match – be very specific!
one of my bridesmaids has literally chosen and purchased a tea-length bridal gown in a blush color…. ???? i am just so confused by this. this particular bridesmaid has been in 6 weddings and i have never seen her wear a dress like this at a wedding or any other occassion.
i’m thinking this may be a cry for attention because she is going through some personal issues right now. i’m not a therapist so i can’t be sure, but knowing what i know i think she feels jealous she is not the one getting married.
regardless, i’m very surprised she didn’t even try and coordinate with the other bridesmaids or even show me a picture before she ordered it, nevermind the fact that the dress she chose looked nothing like the dresses i had sent to everyone. in what universe is it ok to wear a blush colored wedding dress to a wedding when you are not the bride?
i am a very accomodating person and i try to avoid drama at all costs. i have not asked much from any of my bridesmaid and have done nearly all the planning/prep for my wedding myself.. not to mention my FI and i will be paying for the whole affair. i am so stressed out over this whole situation. not only will she look out of place next to the other bridesmaids and possibly be mistaken for the bride by people who have not met me.. but people will think she’s got some screws loose.
i know i have allowed the bridesmaids to each pick their own dress, but i assumed they would use better judgement. i was very wrong with this bridesmaid. i’m not sure how to handle this situation. i might just offer to pay for a new dress for her to wear. i am not normally a selfish person.. i have racked my brain over how to salvage the dress situation (maybe some of the excess material can be removed), but in any scenario it just won’t work.
SHE CANNOT WEAR THAT DRESS TO MY WEDDING. this is my FI and i’s one day for us and i want it to be how i imagined (with no one else wearing a wedding dress but me DUH). we worked very hard for our day and i don’t want to let someone else’s mid-life crisis ruin it.
how would you handle the situation? would you feel the same way? i need advice and guidance! HELP!
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@loulou_321: Is your dress blush colored? Honestly I wouldnt’ worry about it, everyone at the wedding is going to be side-eyeing her for what she’s wearing, not thinking that it detracts from you.
You should post the inspiration pic you sent them….I’m curious!
Post # 4
@loulou_321: definitely an odd and awkward position to be in! I would just meet her for coffee or invite her over for a glass of wine and explain your concerns. Let her know that her dress is pretty but that it makes you uncomfortable because it is so bridal in appearance. If she baulks because the money has already been spent, let her know you are willing to buy her another if she can’t (or won’t) sell it on return it. As your friend and BM, she won’t want you to be uncomfortable or unhappy.
Post # 5
Can she return the one she’s already purchased? If so, she might be able to exchange it for a more appropriate dress and you don’t have to tack one more thing onto your budget. Win-win.
@Toronto2014: If not, I totally agree with this bee. Just be honest about how you feel and hopefully she will be understanding and accomodating.
And if all else fails and she must wear that dress, just know that she will in no way take anything away from you. You are the bride. All eyes will be on you and, honestly, no one is going to pay much attention to what your bridal party is wearing. You and your groom are the people everyone is coming to see. I know it stinks, and in fact I had something similar happen to me. Not a bridesmaid, but a cousin of mine wore a cute white sun-dress which looked really similar to my reception dress. I was so upset at the time (she warned me ahead of time she would be wearing a white dress to the wedding–umm who the heck does that? Totally ignorant, but what can you do?), but once the wedding day came, it mattered very little. Trust me, people fawn over the bride all day and all night; I highly doubt anyone will mistake her for the bride. =) Keep us posted!
Post # 6
It’s hard to comment without seeing the “inspiration” dress pictures you sent your girls, vs. what the BM actually bought. Sorry you are having issues tho
Post # 7
How well is she likely to take a request not to wear this dress?
Also, why I sympathise, what I would say is that if you are NOT wearing a tea length blush dress yourself then there’s little chance of her stealing your bridal thunder. Especially since you and your groom will already be the focal point at your wedding.
Post # 8
So I’m not going to be much help – this is why it’s dangerous to go the whole “let the bridesmaids have complete control over what they wear”. I think it’s a great idea, and if you truly don’t care what they’re going to pick, then go for it. But you can’t say wear whatever you want in this color family and then be upset with their choice…
I would suggest being open and honest with her and letting her know that you feel like the dress is inappropriate. Be prepared, though, for her to say well you said “XYZ” and this dress falls within “XYZ”.
Post # 9
Well it’s too late for this advice now, but I had only one person stand up with me and I told her “choose your own dress, short, these colors, and I have veto power so don’t buy it without sending me a picture” – she didn’t go with any of my suggestions but what she chose was fine with me. So brides who go this route – keep the line item veto power!!!
Post # 10
Can you post your example pics and what she chose instead??
Post # 11
@loulou_321: Unless your dress is blush and she knew that, I REALLY don’t think you should be so angry with her. I know blush is becoming a lot more popular but I don’t think it’s so established as a “bridal” colour that only the bride has dibs on it and no one else can wear it to weddings. What was the colour scheme you gave the bridesmaids?
As for it being a tea length wedding dress – it depends how fancy it is, but lots of women wear bridesmaid dresses as wedding dresses so why not a wedding dress as a bridesmaid dress? It’s just a label.
Also, you are the one who’ll be standing opposite your FI in the ceremony, so even guests who haven’t met you will know you’re the bride.
Sorry, without seeing the dress itself it sounds like you may be overreacting.
If it REALLY bothers you then I would say something very nicely and calmly and offer to pay for a new one.
Post # 12
I just googled “blush tea length bridal gown” and all of the dresses that came up could easily work as bridesmaids dresses. A bride could look beautiful wearing them, too, but she would have to plan her bridesmaids outfits pretty carefully.
If your dress is floorlength, or has a train, and is white, I think there will be no problem.
Post # 13
Did you ask them to send you pics for your approval before buying or before it wasn’t returnable? If not, seems like you might be in a tough situation. Can she still get her money back? If the issue is just that you don’t prefer her style, remember she won’t be in all that many pics and she’s the one who’ll have to wear the dress after the wedding.