HELP! Mix & match wedding and BM chose a wedding-like dress!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@loulou_321:  Is your dress blush colored?  Honestly I wouldnt’ worry about it, everyone at the wedding is going to be side-eyeing her for what she’s wearing, not thinking that it detracts from you.

 

You should post the inspiration pic you sent them….I’m curious!

Post # 4
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@loulou_321:  definitely an odd and awkward position to be in! I would just meet her for coffee or invite her over for a glass of wine and explain your concerns. Let her know that her dress is pretty but that it makes you uncomfortable because it is so bridal in appearance. If she baulks because the money has already been spent, let her know you are willing to buy her another if she can’t (or won’t) sell it on return it. As your friend and BM, she won’t want you to be uncomfortable or unhappy. 

Post # 5
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Can she return the one she’s already purchased? If so, she might be able to exchange it for a more appropriate dress and you don’t have to tack one more thing onto your budget. Win-win. 

 

@Toronto2014:  If not, I totally agree with this bee. Just be honest about how you feel and hopefully she will be understanding and accomodating.

 

And if all else fails and she must wear that dress, just know that she will in no way take anything away from you. You are the bride. All eyes will be on you and, honestly, no one is going to pay much attention to what your bridal party is wearing. You and your groom are the people everyone is coming to see. I know it stinks, and in fact I had something similar happen to me. Not a bridesmaid, but a cousin of mine wore a cute white sun-dress which looked really similar to my reception dress. I was so upset at the time (she warned me ahead of time she would be wearing a white dress to the wedding–umm who the heck does that? Totally ignorant, but what can you do?), but once the wedding day came, it mattered very little. Trust me, people fawn over the bride all day and all night; I highly doubt anyone will mistake her for the bride. =) Keep us posted!  

 

 

Post # 6
Member
1690 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s hard to comment without seeing the “inspiration” dress pictures you sent your girls, vs. what the BM actually bought. Sorry you are having issues tho

Post # 7
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

How well is she likely to take a request not to wear this dress?

Also, why I sympathise, what I would say is that if you are NOT wearing a tea length blush dress yourself then there’s little chance of her stealing your bridal thunder. Especially since you and your groom will already be the focal point at your wedding.

Post # 8
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

So I’m not going to be much help – this is why it’s dangerous to go the whole “let the bridesmaids have complete control over what they wear”. I think it’s a great idea, and if you truly don’t care what they’re going to pick, then go for it. But you can’t say wear whatever you want in this color family and then be upset with their choice…

I would suggest being open and honest with her and letting her know that you feel like the dress is inappropriate. Be prepared, though, for her to say well you said “XYZ” and this dress falls within “XYZ”.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well it’s too late for this advice now, but I had only one person stand up with me and I told her “choose your own dress, short, these colors, and I have veto power so don’t buy it without sending me a picture” – she didn’t go with any of my suggestions but what she chose was fine with me. So brides who go this route – keep the line item veto power!!!

Post # 10
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Can you post your example pics and what she chose instead??

Post # 11
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@loulou_321:  Unless your dress is blush and she knew that, I REALLY don’t think you should be so angry with her. I know blush is becoming a lot more popular but I don’t think it’s so established as a “bridal” colour that only the bride has dibs on it and no one else can wear it to weddings. What was the colour scheme you gave the bridesmaids?

As for it being a tea length wedding dress – it depends how fancy it is, but lots of women wear bridesmaid dresses as wedding dresses so why not a wedding dress as a bridesmaid dress? It’s just a label.

Also, you are the one who’ll be standing opposite your FI in the ceremony, so even guests who haven’t met you will know you’re the bride.

Sorry, without seeing the dress itself it sounds like you may be overreacting.

If it REALLY bothers you then I would say something very nicely and calmly and offer to pay for a new one.

Post # 12
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I just googled “blush tea length bridal gown” and all of the dresses that came up could easily work as bridesmaids dresses. A bride could look beautiful wearing them, too, but she would have to plan her bridesmaids outfits pretty carefully. 

If your dress is floorlength, or has a train, and is white, I think there will be no problem.

Post # 13
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Did you ask them to send you pics for your approval before buying or before it wasn’t returnable? If not, seems like you might be in a tough situation. Can she still get her money back? If the issue is just that you don’t prefer her style, remember she won’t be in all that many pics and she’s the one who’ll have to wear the dress after the wedding. 

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