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No you're not over reacting, I think you should have a right to expect support and understanding from your MOH - that's her role.
Unfortunately, I think these spats are all too common. I got similarly upset at my bridesmaid who had done very little to help me with the wedding (she came to two dress fittings and hadn't done any prep for the hen night - I am organising a wedding for 100+ people in four months). When I mentioned "we" needed to get "our" thinking caps on - I was quite happy to help her, she just needed to ask... I was told I was being selfish and egotistical and that "she" was so stressed out over the wedding. WTF?
I think weddings cause people around us to take a long hard look at their life, and sometimes they don't like what they see. For my bridesmaid, she realised she was 33 and single and she resented me planning my wedding and took a mini-fit at me. I get that, and though she'd never admit that's why she freaked, I know deep it's come from her insecurities and not (directly) from my actions. Didn't stop me being hugely p-off with her at the time!?!
I think you'll find your sisters actions, or in actions, will be from similar insecurities. She may not even realise she's doing it.
You're allowed to be hacked off though.
Unfortunately your little sister is being just that, a little sister. Where she should be stepping up to help you she isn't. Maybe talk to her yourself and consider making your BM the MOH and demoting your sister if she doesn't start picking up the slack. You shouldn't have to plan your wedding around her or her boyfriend's sister's wedding or WHATEVER. It's your day. Don't be afraid to be headstrong to get exactly what you want and deserve for your big day.
Thanks for the support, it was much needed today! I hadn't gone almost crazy until today. You both helped me regain perspective. It just amazes me how selfish people can be sometimes and not even realize it.
I also really agree with the point that wedding cause everyone to take inventory on their own lives- I hadn't thought of that but SO TRUE!!
I'm going to disagree with PPs. Does it suck that your sister/MOH isn't helping and being supportive? Absolutely! And I think it's natural to be upset she doesn't want to be involved. And I do think it's really weird that she'll help her bf's sister but not you, you know, her actual sister.
However, the only responsibilities she has as MOH is to show up on the day of the wedding, clean, sober, and in the correct dress. And since she's the MOH she will also sign your marrige certificate. She doesn't have to throw you a bach party or shower or help you plan your wedding. Those are nice extra things that she can chose to do. You can ask her to help, but you cannot demand it. I think it's selfish to expect her to do all of these things for you. If she's not going to throw you a bach party, your other BMs can certainly host one instead.
Also, please don't demote your sister. That will only lead to more drama and hurt feelings and it's very rude. You don't pick your bridal party based on who can and cannot do stuff for you. They should be your nearest and dearest.
I'm sorry this is causing you so much stress.
I feel you. My sister is also my MOH and hasn't helped at all. I dont even think she cares that I am getting married. She doesnt like talking about the wedding, wouldnt take time off for the dress fittings, and pretty much doesnt want to do anything. But I am very lucky to have 3 BMs that truly care about me and are helping me ge through everything.
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Let me preface this by stating I hate drama. I know that everyone says this, but I would rather eat mud or sand or bark than deal with it.
Start rant.
Long story short, we have been attempting to schedule my bachelorette party for over a month. My MOH (who is my little sister and only sibling) has been 'trying' to plan, but has really done nothing- but swears she will. She actually has done nothing to help with the wedding, even when asked, so why am i surprised. Right? Anyways, last night one of my BM had enough and called her on the carpet that she wasn't pulling her load and needed to get it together because she was being selfish when she should be making these some of the most memorable time of my life (i almost cried when reading her email, it was so sweet) and my MOH responded with that she had to figure out her schedule first because she was helping with her boyfriend (of 6 months) sister wedding and had to make meeting her 'potential-future-in laws' a priority.
End of rant.
How have other brides dealt with MOH or BM problems? Am I being overactive or is my MOH being a selfish b*%$# ?