Help! Mother of bride vs MOH

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
5763 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

i admit I couldn’t read the whole post. Both parties are acting badly and both should apologize. More importantly, whoever expects the bride’s friends to kick in $900 each for a bachelorette party is out of their tree, and someone needs to give the bride a major reality check because that’s just greedy. And requiring those who don’t attend to contribute anyway is beyond obnoxious. 

Post # 3
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Wow. She’s crazy. Sounds like a control freak to me. I say don’t talk to her at all. You plan your party and if she wants to take her daughter to AC, let her. I would inform the other BM’s that is her plan and let them decide for themselves. Don’t make it a flight of us against them. You choose for you and you plan what you want and let others choose for themselves. As you said, it will be fun no matter what. Do not engage with that woman.

Post # 4
6446 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honestly, things could have been worded differently by both of you but what’s done is done. What does Ashley have to say about this? I think you need to talk to her first and stop communicating with her mom.

Post # 5
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

What does friend say about all this? I can’t imagine she is ok with any this.  What does she really want to do? I think you need to ask her what to do because I don’t think you and her mom should talk anymore.

Post # 6
2666 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Wow, that was a lot of back and forth. I think the OP needs to talk to the bride about this whole issue and clear up whether or not the bride is actually the one insisting on AC (I have no idea what that is) or if it’s just her mom claiming she is. If the MOB is lying about the bride wanting whatever, then the bride needs to know that and get things straightened out with her mother. If it’s true that the bride told the MOH one thing and her mother something completely different, then the OP needs to know that so she can make some decisions about what’s going to happen from there. It is INSANITY to suggest that bridesmaids get ready to save up $6300 for a bachelorette, whether the bride wants it or not. OP, I’m definitely on your side as far as that issue goes!

Post # 7
588 posts
Busy bee

CassDavis615:  Yikes!

So, the mom’s first email is pretty wild, I have to say. 18 months doesn’t actually go by *that* fast and telling adults how they should budget their own money is really rude. Also “I want her to be able to get everything she registers for” is *really* rude. A lot of brides get weekends in AC for their bachelorette, but only if it’s financially alright with their bridal party. And the MOB doesn’t typically plan the bachelorette… Also, was she writing the email as if it was from you, or something (“email me or Ashley’s mom” – isn’t she “Ashley’s mom”?). If your friend was really writing that with her mom I am so sorry, because your friend is a little bit awful too. That couldn’t come across as more entitled. 

Now your initial response… probably not the best way to handle it. FYI, I’m of the “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar” school. You went on the defensive right away when I think you probably should have 1) had a conversation with Ashley in private to ask if this is what she really wanted. And 2) Told her mom that even with planning, $50/month was too much to ask from you and the other BMs and you guys unfortunately wouldn’t be able to participate (you don’t have to go into any details about anyone’s financial situations, just that $50/month isn’t in the budget). Your response reads as angry and frantic (which is totally justifiable!), but I think in the future, a friendlier tone might have prevented the escalation. “Hi Ashley’s Mom, It’s great you’re thinking ahead. Unfortunately even with 18 months of planning, $50/month just isn’t in the budget for me. From talks with the other bridesmaids, I think they might have difficulty with a trip to AC too. We may have to plan a low-key, local bacherolette party to celebrate our girl. I hope you guys have a wonderful time in AC though – take lots of pictures!”. Seriously, I know it can feel silly, but the faster you can get out of an unreasonable situation without pissing off a friend’s mom, the better.

Ashley’s mom is a total Momzilla and incredibly rude! But you can’t be rude back to people like that. They don’t learn from it and it only makes them feel more justified in their positions. She was awful, but you were rude too. I know it sucks to apologise for things when someone else starts them, but if it’ll prevent chaos at the shower/reception (and you really care about Ashley), then I actually think that you should (just do it knowing you won’t get an apology back). 

Post # 8
3659 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Why haven’t you talked to the bride? If you’re the matron of honor, you should be close enough with her to discuss this like adults.Polite adults don’t plan their own bachelorette parties, especially ones that would be that expensive.


Post # 9
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

I would so step down from having anything to do with that impending trainwreck. That mom sounds like a personality disordered psycho. I’d imagine that this is only the beginning of an 18 month long merry-go-round of constant demands and guilt trips.


Post # 10
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

Wow. Sorry, but her Mom is nuts and completely out of line with everything. There’s no way on this earth that AC could come close to costing that much, and how dare she demand that people put aside money each month to pay for it? I think I have officially heard everything now. I’m embarrassed for her and how ridiculous she sounds.

I’d honestly have a chat with the bride to get to the bottom of why and how this whole thing got so out of hand. Even if you apologized to her Mom, wouldn’t you still feel incredibly uncomfortable even being around her until this whole shebang is over? What a shame.

Post # 11
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

CassDavis615:  Geez! Momzilla! I don’t think you were out of line… $900, non negotiable? If you aren’t going, YOU STILL HAVE TO PAY???? Wtf. WTF.

I would do whatever it is that would best keep the peace, apologize or whatever, and then only deal with the bride. Myself, I would skip the trip to AC and offer the bride your original idea (which honestly sounds cool). Be clear that it’s all good, you love her, it’s ok if she wants to have 2 bachelorettes or if she doesn’t. She will remember that you didn’t put pressure on her and she’ll appreciate that. Tell the other bridesmaids that it sounds like there might be 2 parties, and they can attend one, both, neither, whatever suits their fancy.

I had 2 bridesmaids that were… At odds with each other to say the least. One constantly tried to put me in the middle and wouldn’t stop talking shit. The other was very polite about things, didn’t say anything rude about the other and generally left me out of things. Guess who I’m still friends with?

Post # 12
4646 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I guess I’m in the minority here, but I don’t think you did a damn thing wrong. Maybe because I would’ve said the same thing lol That is ridiculous that a grown woman was telling another grown woman how to budget her own money. This is insane! I am also dealing with a momzilla right now, but I think yours take the cake.

Post # 13
2182 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

OP plz keep us posted as to what your best friend said!

Post # 14
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Wow, the mom sounds insane. What does Ashley think of all this? If I were you, I would completely ignore the emails this woman sends to me and not respond at all. 

Post # 15
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Her mother is ridiculous, plain and simple. You tried to explain that her plans are over the top expensive and she attacked you for it. I would not apologize, but I would let her plan the bachelorette party by herself and have nothing to do with it. There’s no way a control freak like her would let anything stop her from going her daughter’s wedding, so I don’t know how seriously I would take that threat.

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