- 3 years ago
Hi everyone! I am MOH for my best friends wedding. About 3 months ago, her mother and I got into a disagreement about the brides bachelorette party. Keep in mind, my friends wedding is July 2015. Posted below is are the conversations back and forth between her mother and I. Please give your advice on this situation, her mother said that I need to apologize to her or she is not coming to her daughter’s wedding.
Mom: Hi Cassie I wanted to bring this with me on Sunday but forgot. This is a letter I drafted up in regards to Ashley’s bachlorette party and shower. I think if we give everyone a heads up on everything then it’s not such an expense. If you need to revise anything or want to go over anything with me contact me next week because I’m going for my surgery tomorrow. I think this is a reasonable request and hope everyone’s on board.
I just wanted to touch base with the bridal party and keep everyone posted on what we will be doing for Ashley. First off I know it’s 18 months but that will go by very fast and i would like like everyone to know ahead of time what we will be doing. Ashley would like very much to go to ac for her bachlorette party and since we have 18 months I think we can handle this. Also when she registers I want her to be able to get everything she registers for. I am trying to budget this now so it’s not an expense all at once. We all need to put $50 a month aside for the next 18 months that might seem like a lot combined but in reality We will be spending a weekend at ac with dinner and drinks. Even if you will not be going you will be required to put into the kiddie. So when the time comes and the money is requested I don’t want this to be a shock. This is for our girl. If you have any questions or concerns you can email me or Ashley’s mom.
Sent from my iPad
MOH:Hi, I have some things I want to discuss with you about the party. First I am very hurt that the matron of honor wasn’t asked anything about planning the bachelor. You can’t just say hey were going to AC. If you do the math for it, each girl has to save $900 which comes out to a total of $6,300..this is a bachelorette party, not a shower, not a wedding. My wedding only cost $8,000. We need to do this on a budget. People are living pay check to paycheck and need to save whatever they can for themselves. Ashley had also mentioned a party bus to the finger lakes which each girl would only have to pay $100 for themselves if that and whatever else they want to chip in. I’m sorry but your budget is unreal and I guarantee we can’t afford it and need another option. And the other girls have a say. It’s a group effort, not a dictatorship.
Mom: Sorry but me and ashley have discussed this over a year now and this is what she wants and this is what she’ll get with or without her wedding party. Whether they choose to go or not.
MOH: Most of the bridesmaids if not all of them will probably not attend primarily because of the financial aspect. I will get in touch with the all the girls to discuss and plan something for Ashley. You could chose to be a part of that or not. Realistically we can’t put money aside like that. It doesn’t work this way with my generation and the current economy. Whatever me and the girls plan, Ashley will love it because she’s not selfish and appreciates everything her friends do for her.
Mom:Your a fuckin bit and good luck being in my daughters wedding
MOH: I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m stand by what I said, you can’t force 7 other bridesmaids to save enough money that they can put a down payment on a car with. If this continues your daughter won’t have a bachelorette party with the people she cares about. This happening is causing early on stress. When you over plan things no one has a good time. If I’m such a burden to you, I will think of something to do with the BRIDAL party that everyone can afford and have fun.
Mom: Friends like you Ashley doesn’t need. You are a bad influence and I see your true colors. Your the one trying to control my daughter she has never once mentioned she ever wanted to go to the wineries for her bachlorette party, but has mentioned AC for over a year. I will be taking her friends to AC so she can have what she truly wants. I can’t help the fact that your wedding was only $8000 you only get what you pay for.
MOH: I’m still not sure why you are arguing with me. I stated facts that you got offensive by and took things out of proportion. If you want to go by tradition, moms don’t come or plan bachelorette parties. That is planned by the maid of honor and bridesmaids. I understand we will not be seeing eye to eye on things but one thing we know that it’s Ashley’s day. I’m not controlling her, I’m being realistic. If things are not to your liking, Ashley will get lucky and have two bachelorette parties, one of course planned by me and I could care less if none of the girls wanted to go, Ashley and I will have a good time no matter what we do. You only being negative towards me is causing Ashley unneeded stress. This needs to end between us, and we need to get along for Ashley’s sake.
Mom: There’s a couple of things you need to know first, you were the one taking things out of context. The initial letter sent to you was drawn up by me and Ashley, she was here when we decided to send it out to you to give you an idea what we wanted to present to the girls. Like I said before this idea didn’t come from me it started when her sister in law had her bachlorette party. She didn’t want everything the same like the clubs but definitely wanted to do AC. As far as the sum of money your making it seem like we wanted it all to come for you, that is why we came up with a budget so it wasn’t just thrown at everyone at once, and this letter again was just a rough draft to get the ball rolling. I am not stupid and I know the matron of honor usually plans the party,but she didn’t want it to wait to the last minute, we are planners. So as far as getting her upset you did a great job at that. She knew how much you upset me and felt guilty for having me send out the letter. It was the night before my surgery and your sending letters like that to me. So before you respond to anyone read the whole letter next time.
MOH:I don’t know why you’re still dragging this out. This will be my last email.
I’m at a loss here, neither one of us thinks we need to apologize to each other. For my wedding I didn’t have any of my girls interact with my mom like this, I handled things, and if this was my mom I sure wouldn’t want my friends to deal with her, that’s my job. My friend finally went out with her mom for dinner and my friend suggested that her mom and I just don’t talk which I know can be hard but her mom admits she loves drama and I just don’t see a way out of this. Her mom even demanded that I don’t come to the shower and that I’d only be able to stay at the reception for a little while. I’m trying to be the best MOH that I could be, but I refuse to apologize for something I didn’t do wrong. Please help!