- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I just found out my fiance cheated on me, a lot.
A little background: We are getting married in less than a month. Just had our one year anniversary. He just got back from a six month deployment in Afghanistan, to which he left in January, right after proposing.
I had suspicions of a secret life, just one of those weird feelings, but I wrote them off as trust issues that have carried over from previous experience. Two days ago, I couldn’t sleep and his phone kept going off. I decided to open his email and take a little gander. I have never done this before with him, and I know that I should not have. I was saying to myself the whole time, this is stupid, dont allow yourself to do this. Found a flikr account of his. Checked it out. Found pictures of nudes that him and I had shared with eachother while he was deployed. Several photos of his penis. And, he then posted photos of me that I had sent him in a moment between us. His contacts on his page consist of several naked women and men, with nude photos.
This made me want to dig a little deeper. And, i wish I did not. I then wondered if he was cheating on me… Naturally. So, I checked his sent email box. Found emails consisting of Craigslist ads from right before he left for his deployment. (he was staying in California before flying out to Afghanistan, as he had to do predeployment things) He posted ads on Craigslist in the Men seeking men section, stating that he was a visitor and would be staying a couple days in Oceanside at a hotel. Would like to do blah blah blah (too much to share on here) very descriptive sexual acts. He said he would “host” the meeting at the hotel. Found several conversations once he was down there, like the day he got down there, between him and a few men. He shared photos of himself, and gave very clear descriptions of what he wants done to him, as well as what he wants to do to other men.
I had no idea that my fiance had homosexual tendencies, or ever any homosexual experience. Just one little shock. It makes it almost unbelievable.
I then found an email from when he first got to Afghanistan. Also, using Craigslist. He found another person on base and arragned a meeting with him. Saying again what he wants while he was there. And, asking this other man if he wants to hook up on the regular, because he does.
First of all… I am so completely devestated, I cannot breathe. We are getting married in only a few weeks. We have paid so much toward this. My bridal shower is in two weeks. We have a paid for two week SURPRISE TO ME honey moon.
I dont know what to do. I am shocked. And appalled. When I look into his eyes I do not see someone that has cheated on me. I see a man that loves me with all of his heart. He is someone that has always seemed so sincere. And, I am not a stupid girl. I sensed a long time ago something was amiss, but anyone I talked to, reassured me of his sincerity. And, honestly, when I look at him, I do not feel as though he has cheated on me. It is so strange.
I just do not understand how he could seek this out. It is one thing to get caught up in a bad moment, but it is another thing to seek out someones company, while still in the presence of your future wife.
So, it appears he was cheating on me the whole time he was in Afghanistan.
I havent talked to anyone about this yet. I now talking about it will make it real, and I will have to face it. I dont know whether I should just sweep it under the rug, and pretend I didnt read a thing. I love him more than anything. But, I honestly do not think I can marry him right now. And, I dont want to be one of those stupid girls that just lets things like this slide. Never have been. I do not have words to desribe this feeling.
What about our honey moon, our plans, our future? My final fitting is this week. What do I do?