Post # 1
so been stressing out these past couple months over wedding and why does FMIL have an opinion on everything. Doesn’t like the cake, I’m spending too much on this or that, or how come I’m not having this or that, I’m breaking tradition. We are paying for everything ouselves but she must always put her two cents wether asked or not. Now the worst part is my FI. He doesn’t stand up for me and if I tell him anything that his mom is doing is bothering me, he gets upset. Makes me feel like it’s me. He never sees anything wrong with the comments and always needs her opinion. She is never wrong in his eyes. I have told her to please let me decide and in nice way…its my decision!! BUT then she makes a big deal out of it, telling family, DRAMA and here comes my FI to the rescue like I’m the mean one. What do I do? Ugh!
Post # 3
@SamanthaLovesJames: I have a very opinionated FMIL too… I think there is nothing you can do about it if FI just doesn’t stand up for you and take your side.
My FI has always been momma’s boy… he’s the youngest of 7 brothers, and the one immediately before him is 8 years older, so he’s always been the baby in the house and I think his mother had always made every little decision for him. and this worked for him.
About 6 months before our engagement I wasn’t happy about some things and just sat down and talked to him about it, I told him: You and I are going to be married sometime soon, you and I are going to be the family, and I need you to get there already,man up and be the man of THIS family. I should be your priority, like you are mine, 100% of the time.
I think it really wasn’t a matter of him not wanting me to be the priority, but just hadn’t thought about the whole thing before, because he had decisions made for him, and it was so easy. He has never since not stood up for me, I guess he just needed it to be pointed out to him to realize what he wanted and what was right.
Maybe you can talk to him with love and tell him what you need from him, and this will definitely help with the FMIL situation, even though you will never be able to change or break her, you will feel so much more supported, and it makes a whole difference
Post # 4
I would have a heart to heart with your FI about what marriage means to you. Maybe that you two are partners together and you feel that he isn’t working with you to address your concerns? That you feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle and right now, it doesn’t feel like he’s there for you?
I would try to leave FMIL out of the discussion at first just because it’s not really about her, it’s about him not sticking up for you. Then you can talk about healthy boundaries when it comes to planning and opinions.
Ultimately, your FI needs to respect your feelings first.