HELP! My future husband is a GROOMZILLA!

posted 2 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: How you been dealing with a groomzilla since the wedding planning started?
    Yes! He is worse than any bridezilla I've ever seen. : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Sometimes he has his groomzilla moments. : (13 votes)
    27 %
    No. I totally lucked out with that! : (33 votes)
    69 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1299 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

    My FI has some quite strong views about some things and it’s his wedding as well, so mostly we’ve been able to compromise and find something we’re both happy with.  It’s true in reverse as well; it’s really important to me to get married in a church (born and raised Anglican) – if we didn’t, I wouldn’t feel married.  He wasn’t keen but realised it was a deal breaker for me so agreed.  He didn’t want an overly formal reception so I’ve changed my ideas so he’s happy too.  If your FI is giving you flat out NO to your suggestions, start asking him for ideas.  If he kicks off at that, calmly point out that he’s been shutting your ideas down so you’re never going to get anywhere.  Or, visit venues yourself to at least see if they’re do-able and then you’ll have a stronger case.  Good luck!

    Post # 3
    Member
    1274 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

    I wouldn’t call my Love a Groomzilla but he does know what he wants for his wedding.   His ideas may not agree with mine but we both compromise.   

    Post # 4
    Member
    1218 posts
    Bumble bee

    jylart38:  This is a little off topic, but if he cuts you off now, aren’t you worried about him doing it in the future over other issues? 

    Post # 5
    Member
    2364 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    jylart38:  LOL mine recently (10 days out) started getting like this.  I think the stress just gets to them.  

    Great example: he had not accompanied me to 1 florist appointment because he claimed not to care.  Out of nowhere this weekend, he starts asking questions about the boutenniers (sp?)  Fair enough, it’s what he’ll be wearing so he has to like it.  To that I said, “I’m not sure but I went with what they normally do in our colors, ivory for you.  Nothing fancy”.  He starts asking all these questions and having opinions about it so I sent him the quote which by the way, I’ve worked my ass off to keep very low, since flowers were not high on our list.  He goes over the thing with a fine toothed comb and sends me this bulletted email asking “why do we need this, this and this?” I can understand his concern about money but I’ve given him the opportunity to be included in this from day one and he never took it.

    My guy is less groomzilla I guess and more George Banks from “Father of the Bride”.  I’m just waiting for him to rip open a bag of hot dog buns and cause a scene in the middle of a supermarket.  He’s reached his limit!!  

    Post # 6
    Member
    2364 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    KiwiDerbyBride:  Very well put, that’s what I did.  When he said no to something flat our or questioned something I’d worked on myself I said, “OK, then you do it…”  After that, it resolved itself lol.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    4560 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    My DH was actually really good with planning. I coordinated most of it, but always got his input before I made a final decision.

    The only things he was mainly concerned about was that the ceremony be small (family only), and that we have a band versus a DJ.He also wanted to make sure we had a “shredder” of a song for our first dance, b ut eventually went with what my thought was cos nothing else compared. And… he sang it to me while we danced word for word, which meant he had listened to it multiple times to know it. It was  Gavin DeGraw song, and we saw him in concert this past summer together so it was special.

    The small ceremony did not go over with my mom, but after it was all said and done… it went great. The band was also a hit, so kudos to him for wanting to do that. My mom thought that he was controlling me in what “I” wanted to do, but had to remind her that this was “our” wedding and not just mine (nor hers!). I also had to explain to her that most of the planning were my ideas, and he really only cared about a few things. So… I mainly dealt with MOMzilla!

    Post # 8
    Member
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

     

    jylart38: Any time my FI says he doesn’t like something I decide, but isn’t willing to give me an idea of what he wants I usually tell him “fine, then you plan the wedding” and walk away(yes, I’m very stubborn). Usually after a little bit he will come find me and give me a couple ideas of what he would like; just that time makes him realize how overwhelming wedding planning can be, and its alot of work for just one person. He’s the kind of guy that needs a little reality check here and there.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I tell my fiance all my plans for the wedding…if he doesnt like it than he let me know. He plays a big role in our wedding planning. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    367 posts
    Helper bee

    My fiance has definitely been more involved than I thought he would’ve been when we first started this planning stuff but I’ve mostly enjoyed having his input. Some stuff (like table settings and decorations) I wouldn’t have thought he would have cared about but he has said he’d like to come with me to the next vendor meeting which I thought was nice.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3632 posts
    Sugar bee

    My daughters were lucky (2013 and 2014), that we (bride’s parents) paid for 100% of the wedding costs, so the grooms didn’t put up much of a fuss (or cared one way or the other?), with the brides’ choices. The couples made 100% of all the choices, and me-MOB kept a rein on the costs. One was big into music and we heard 10 bands together. I said if they didn’t hire one soon, I’d buy all the guests kazoos, so they could entertain themselves. The other’s primary involvement was in attending the taste-testing and deciding on the menu. He once complained he wasn’t involved enough, so we took him to photographer and florist appointments, on the same night. That did it for him.

    Post # 12
    Member
    431 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    OP, can you give a few more examples of his “groomzilla” behavior?  

    My FI is very very excited and involved in planning, and at times I have to tell him that we are so far away from the wedding and nothing has to get done TODAY, and that helps.  Beyond that, more detail will help us help you!

    Post # 13
    Member
    2369 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    jylart38:  How do you compromise on other things outside of the wedding?  Is that an option?  Or is he completely different around wedding stuff? 

    My FI isn’t a groomzilla.  But he does have certain ideas that he wants (so do I) for the wedding.  And there are things that are important to him.  So there’s been a few compromises.  And there’s been some things I just let go (ie: first look photos.  It’s super important for him that the first time he sees me all done up is at the end of the aisle.  Ok, we’ll do it that way.  I wasn’t hugely pro-first look.  It was more about a lack of light than wanting first looks.)  But anything he doesn’t have a strong opinion about he’s let me decide.  Typically I choose a few options I like and show him and we figure out which one together.  It’s his wedding too.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    1320 posts
    Bumble bee

    My FI isn’t a Groomzilla exactly, but he has very strong opinions when it comes to costs and his lack of knowledge when it comes to weddings have caused a lot of unnecessary arguments.  The latest was over flowers.  My original flower lady who was supposed to do all of our wedding flowers decided at the very last minute that she could not so them anymore. So I’ve been scrambling to find another florist.  Since we have to go with a flower company now (vs. sole business) the cost has gone up.  I tried my best to JUST do the bare minimum (only bouquets, boutinerres, and only two ceremony centerpieces) and yet the cost is still over 1K.  My FI completely flipped out when he heard the price and started asking WHY we even need flowers and that we should forego them completely.

    Are you F*ing kidding me???  I told him that’s ridiculous, what does he expect me to walk down the aisle with BARE HANDS???  $@!#&!

    I love my FI but g*ddamn I can’t WAIT for this wedding planning to be OVER.

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