help! my grandmother is badmouthing my SO! looong

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

katydaisy:  I think you might need to read up on alzhemiers. This is a very common thing to happen to patients. You don’t know what is going on in her mind. Her thoughts are muddled up and memories are mixing in together. She could be talking about you mixed in with something she experienced with a friend or sister from 60 years ago.

It is also very common for patients to have personality changes like agression.

Do not take it personally. Last Sunday when I went to visit my grandmother who also has alzhemiers she told me how j_jaye has never once been to visit her (I go at least once a week). It is very tough when a family members gets alzhemiers and unfortunately it only gets worse as the disease progresses. 

Post # 3
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I had a pretty long post written out, but it seems my phone didn’t post it. Blah.

Anyway, I agree with j_jaye. Alzheimer’s is a difficult disease for everyone involved, and while it’s easy to take comments and mood swings personally, you need to try to be patient and remember that your grandma has no control over what’s happening and is likely very confused and unaware of what she is saying at times.

FI’s grandfather has Alzheimer’s, and watching him go from healthy to pretty mentally gone over the years has been hard. He never has said anything hurtful toward or about me that I know of, but I know I’d be hurt at least momentarily if he did.

The best thing you can do is comtinue to love and support your grandma. Confronting her about the situation could cause her a lot of confusion and even hostility, and that doesn’t benefit anyone. Often a change of subject to something positive that interests the person works out and they’ll drop the negative subject completely. Sometimes nothing works and you just need to be patient.<br /><br />Another thing to keep in mind is that many Alzheimer’s patients experience “sundowning” and can be more agreeable and coherent earlier in the day. Maybe try limiting your visits with you grandma and SO to the morning/early afternoon hours, as as the day goes on more symptoms tend to come about.<br /><br />Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I agree with the above advice. I think you need to remind yourself that this is the disease talking, not her. I think it might also help to remind yourself that everything she criticised was very superficial – basically it’s all pretty easily dismissed. You know that what she said isn’t true and you know that none of it is about things that really matter – you know what your SOs heart is, and that’s whata really important. 

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