- 3 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
I am posting anon for this as i am embarrassed to use my usual profile to type this. I need really good advice.
Been with husband for 8 years, married 6 months. FIL is an abusive douche, MIL left him when husband was 3. For 23 years it’s been husband and MIL against the world.
MIL has owned small business for 22 years. Started it with $300 and a few years ago was making about $200,000 a year profit. 3 years ago, business was badly affected by natural disaster and ran at a lost for 2 years and is breaking even as husband injected thousands into business to keep it afloat.
MIL is on struggle street. Husband andi both earn well. Before wedding, husband asked if i could put my place up for rent and move in with MIL to help financially support her until she gets back on her feet. MIL pays mortgage, husband and i pay rent plus all utilities (internet, phone, water etc etc etc)
MIL is nice enough. We get along. She’s not perfect. She’s moody and dates losers but apart from that she’s hard working.
I have known my husband for 8 years, he has always been close with mother. I have always understood this. We are a newly married couple. Husband had to go to Hawaii recently for work and he took his Mum with us as she had never been. It’s always the 3 of us and i want some alone time with my husband. We didn’t live together before marriage and now i just feel suffocated. When husband leaves home for work and returns he has to hug and kiss his mother otherwise she gets upset. I am a really good cook and when i’m cooking she stands over my shoulder asking if i know what i’m doing (I lived on my own from 18 to 26, i know what i’m doing). She is always touching my husband and saying things like “My son is so smart. He is so successful. He is so handsome” and will look at me and say “You’re so lucky”.
At times i get so frustrated with it. I earn more than my husband does and have more qualifications and my parents would never compliment me like that all the time (no need).
I’ve asked my husband if we can start looking for our own property (i prefer to keep my house up for rent, it’s a bit run down and i have a good family renting it out). But he keeps saying his Mum won’t cope. In a way i feel like he’s scared to leave her.
I need to let him know that we need our own space but i don’t know how to say it tactfully. He needs to know we will still help his mother until she is on her feet. I really want my husband and i to be a family and i don’t know how to do it. Please help!