- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I’m 30. My fiancé is 26, and fantastic. We got engaged after knowing each other for about a year. Living across the country, she has only met my family on two occasions: about 3 months after we started dating and this past Christmas. The first meeting did not go to well. My fiancé was kind of shy and my family is a very exclusive, for lack of a better word, type of unit. The second visit went much better, but still wasn’t “good.” My parents and my sister (also 26) are not excited about our engagement.
To sum up my family, they are all completely enmeshed in each other’s lives. My mother, father, and sister all live together. My mother and sister work together, go food shopping together, and pretty much are constantly in each other’s presence. My sister does not have any friends and has not dated anybody for as long as I can remember, if ever. I don’t care who or if she dates, what worries me is that my parents aren’t going to be around for ever and that she has no one in her life besides them. My family told me that they were disappointed I was bringing somebody home (my fiancé) this past summer. The announcement that I bought a ring did not go as planned. Prior to telling my father on the phone, he was saying how he just “knows people” and is convinced that she is trying to get her hooks in me, after meeting her twice. Then I tell him. He responds by saying I won’t finish my PhD and why can’t I wait (I’m 30!). I can somewhat understand those points. Then, he continues by saying, “If she loved you half as much as you think, she wouldn’t have let you buy her that necklace.” Long story short, I don’t have a lot of money being in school and all, but bought her a 200 dollar necklace for Christmas while only buying my parents very little (at their repeated insistence). My mother went off on a tangent about how I’ve never had luck with girls, I thought my last gf was “the one” (which I never thought or said), and how she didn’t talk to them when we visited over the summer. A later conversation that started by me telling my mother I was hurt that she and my dad weren’t supportive, ended with her “100% blaming me for my bad relationship with my sister.” That was the most recent discussion. All in all, I’ve had for seperate phone calls (2 with each parent). If my parents had a logical objection to my engagement I would certainly listen, these however don’t really make much sense to me.
Admittedly, my relationship with my sister has been rocky over the past 2 years; however, we just haven’t talked over the phone much, as opposed to being mean to one another. Two days ago, my sister posts a fb message to my ex girlfriend stating, “Happy birthday. You better come visit us this summer.” Considering how my sister and my ex were never close, and how I told my parents that she couldn’t even friend my fiancé and wish her a congratulations – let alone call her -, I am really angry. My fiancé and I were even considering extending an olive branch by asking her to be in the wedding.
Everyone else who has met her is very supportive (aunts, grandmother, cousins, and friends). Her parents and family are/have been very welcoming and very supportive.
I haven’t talked to my parents or sister in a month. I feel that I reached out to tell them how I feel several times. I feel they have said some mean things without really having a reason to object. I’m to the point now where I feel that they owe both me and my fiancé and sincere apology. It sucks because I always dreamed of hosting the big holiday dinners with both sides of the family there…
I’m so hurt and angry. My fiancé is pissed and not having my sister in the wedding (I support her). I’m really happy and wish my immediate family could just be happy for us. Please help; I have no idea where to go from here.