help!! my SO is a liar!

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee

katydaisy:  How old is he!? At first I thought he was maybe lying about the sex because he was embarrassed about being inexperienced. That would be immature and lame, but it happens and would be forgivable. As I read more though, he just seems like a pathological liar. Lying about having an ex girlfriend that died is SICK (And very strange). I wonder what else he has made up. I would take all of these lies as a major red flag, and definitely re-evaluate your relationship.

Post # 3
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I married a man who lied like that. Worst mistake I ever made. He lied about everything in the same fashion the entire 17 years we were together. Something about the elaborate story he wove out of thin air makes me think he’s a pro at it and your relationship will founded on a web of lies. One day you’ll unravel it alll to find you’ve been living in an alternate reality and you cant get out. My advice would be to cut your losses and move on. This guy sounds like a world of hurt.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  msfreemis.
Post # 4
Hostess
24457 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That is completely crazy!  I don’t even understand why he would keep lying over and over!  I think that you two really need to go to counseling if you want to stay in this relationshjip so you can figure out the root of all these lies and how to keep it from happening again.  It doesn’t seem like you asking him yourself isn’t enough to make him stop lying.

I’m not sure if I could be in this relationship though.

Post # 5
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

katydaisy:  Obviously he felt he had a very inadequate dating history and sex life before he met you.  Personally, I feel no need for adults to share either their dating or sexual history. I presume that there was a history before me and I have no need to know what that was.

Why was the subject coming up so often between the two of you?

Post # 6
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

Have him see a therapist and after a couple sessions go with him. He lied about his sexual past. Not about murder. But the fact that he did lie and so elaborately should be addressed. 

Post # 7
Member
2718 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

julies1949:  My thoughts exactly.I think he just felt embarrassed by his lack of experience.

Post # 8
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee

Whoa, that’s a lot of lying! At first I was thinking that maybe he lied about his number of partners/girlfriends to try to “impress” you or something….but as I read further it just didn’t make sense.  I was also wondering, as a PP mentioned, why are past sexual encounters/relationships such a common subject between you two? Sounds like there may be a little bit of insecurity on both sides. Counseling would be a good idea, and think very hard about moving forward with him – he has already proven how good he is at lying.

Post # 9
Member
36 posts
Newbee

The most concerning thing to me is the elaborate backstory. I can understand being embarassed by the lack of experience; however, the fact the cover up was so woven is a huge red flag. It would be extremely difficult for me to see past that and continue on in this relationship.

Post # 10
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

For me, that’s just too much lying…

If he can continually lie about something so petty I wouldn’t be able to trust him in more important matters

Then again, you two are still quite young and inexperienced but it’s a huge character flaw IMO

Post # 11
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yeah…if you have such an awesome relationship as you claim you do then DROP IT. Drop talking about his and your sexual past and that weird ex girlfriend story. You can say something like “please don’t ever lie to me like that again. It fosters mistrust and makes me second guess you when you lie and keep lying about something.” Then if you ever catch him in a serious lie again that he’s sustained for a while you’ll know that the awesomeness of the relationship was a lie too and you’ll be able to move on. If he doesn’t then chalk it up to emotional immaturity and a bad case of trying to impress you with something that he probably never thought would come up again.

Post # 12
Member
4896 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

TheLadyA :  

I thought the same thing at first–he was just embarassed.  But, then it got so much worse.

Has he lied to you about anything else that you know of?

Post # 13
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

julies1949:  I agree. I’m sort of shocked that anyone would even want these sorts of details about their partner’s sexual history in the first place. 

DH and I know a whole lot about eachother. Do I want to know how many sexual partners he has had? No, thank you! So, my first point is that the things he lied about should have never even been a topic of conversation in the first place.

Since they were brought up, though, the biggest issue is that he is clearly a habitual liar. You know that. Even if he’d lied the first time and came clean soon after, he should have laid ALL of the cards on the table at that time. Yet he continued (and manipulated) the lie, one with very tragic details that were completely irrelevant to him being “embarrassed” about his sexual past. Does he often seek attention and/or sympathy? It sounds more like that than it does him being embarrassed, considering the very last detail of his elaborate story that he chose to even reveal the truth about was pertaining to this woman’s awful death. Has he lied about anything else that you are aware of?

If so, I would have a very difficult time trusting this man, as wonderful as he may be otherwise. He sounds like the type that will lie to save face no matter what, and his conscience comes secondary. He seems like a nice guy otherwise, but this sort of fabricating stories will likely continue. 

Post # 14
Member
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t understand how this convo keeps coming up.  It’s like beating a dead horse or something.  I think DH and I have talked a few times about our past, but not much about the gory details.  Sure he lied but it’s not like he murdered someone or got some life long STD that he’s passed onto you.  He was embarrased and sometimes a lie snowballs a little bit.  That said maybe some counseling or helping you two communicate more.  

Post # 15
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

katydaisy: he’s a liar who lies consistently? I’d dump him. Integrity matters to me.

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