Help! My (unfit) sister is having a baby

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

MichiganGirl24:  It’s not you. It’s not your baby. It’s not your problem. Especially if she isn’t in your life like you mentioned (you don’t talk.) I can totally understand WHY you’re worried, but I would not let it bother you anymore. I’m sorry you’re feeling stressed about it.. Sounds like she needs a big cup of grow the fuck up and maybe a huge responsibility like a child well help move her along in that direction! 

Post # 4
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

MichiganGirl24:  In some ways, it isn’t your business (not trying to sound mean). However, if you happen to have interactions with her after the baby is born, and you have serious concerns about the child’s safety or well-being, you could report them to DHS. 

Post # 3
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

No real questions in there. Sounds like a bad situation. But if you don’thave contact with your sister, then there’s not really anything to do. It’s her life. And unless you’re seriously wanting to adopt and think she would be up for it, it doesn’t really matter if you think you would make a better parent at the moment. 

As difficult asa it is to see  your sister  in a situation like this, I think your choices are either to get involved and be supportive or stay out of it. Sucks forher and maybe for the kid as well, but she’s the one that got into this situation – she has to figure out what to do. Maybe this will be the kick in the pants to get her life together. I hope so! 

Post # 6
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

thehappiestbridetobe:  Seriously? It might not be Op’s “problem”, but there is an innocent child to think of.

OP, I get where you’re coming from…and I get not wanting to help y

our sister directly (who knows where that money will go), but would you be comfortable doing something like babysitting, or even starting a college fund? This kid is going to need some positive influences, and it sounds llike that might be you. It isn’t your responsibility to be that person….but someone should. This kid didn’t ask to be born into shitty circumstances, and it would be great if someone were willing to step up for them.

Post # 7
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee

We raised my niece because my brother and the kid’s mom were bat shit crazy at the time. I was 13. I took care of her since she was 4 days old. She’s now in college. Doing wonderful And although my brother kind of straightened a lot and she has a good relationship with him and her mom, mom, dad, my other brother and I are what she considers her real family. 

I’d say if you can take the baby under your wing when you can. Be there as much as you can BUT… In your case, it would be inviting the total chaos of your sister and her man in your life. Not sure you want and can handle it. Not easy. And not every case has a good outcome. We were so freaking blessed my adored niece turned out to be such a great kid And we were able to take her away from all the chaos, drugs, alcohol, danger.

Post # 8
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

sara_tiara:  OP didn’t mention anything about the child’s safety.. And honestly if she is really that concerned about the child when it’s born as far as it’s well being, then that’s what CPS is for. The child can be placed in another home with fit parents. I’m not really sure why you targeted my response, I also said I understand why she’s worried, but again, it’s not her child and not her responsibility. Unless she makes it her responsibility. 

Post # 9
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

thehappiestbridetobe:  Because yours was the only response there when I started typing….and CPS is only able to help after a whole lot of intervention/ incidents on file. Not really going to help a newborn who can’t tell anyone how it is being treated.

Post # 10
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

sara_tiara:  Hypothetically speaking, the sister is around drug users and could be doing drugs as well. If the sister IS doing drugs, and she has positive drug tests through out the pregnancy, her baby will be taken from her right after birth and SOMEONE, maybe not CPS (I don’t know the details of that sort of thing, as in who does what) will be involved. A child doesn’t need to tell someone they are in an unfit environment, if a family member or something sees that, then that’s all it takes. That’s what I meant. Sorry for being so brash but I don’t sugar coat anything.  Either way – OP, you just need to decide at what extent you want to get involved..

Post # 11
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

thehappiestbridetobe:  …yeah, but if Op’s family says nothing bc they don’t see her or the baby, a fat lot of good that does a newborn, who doesn’t go to school, or daycare. 

All i’m saying is that this child will likely be born with no one in their corner, and shrugging your shoulders bc the problem might not directly be yours is incredibly callous.

Post # 12
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

sara_tiara:  Let’s agree to disagree because I really don’t feel like arguing about this. Obviously if you were in the situation, you would take responsibility. If I was in the situation, I wouldn’t. We don’t have to agree, such is life! 

Post # 13
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2006

Honestly it seems like you are more resentful than frustrated with her choices. If you were truly concerned, you wouldn’t turn your back on your little sister. 

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