Post # 1
My sister is 8 years older than me and has always disliked me (she actually told my mother this, but patronisingly said recently ‘she’s grown into a decent woman now’).
She got casually engaged at Xmas, I didn’t even know this ’til recently.
I fell pregnant early this year and am over the moon and have a fantastic man, who propsed to me on my b’day last month with a gorgeous sparkler.
Since getting pregnant, my sister announced she has decided to get pregnant (her youngest is 11), and once I announced my engagement, she decided she is now setting a date for this year!!
That’s fine, if a little annoying.
What upsets me is that my mum offered to pay for us to have a double wedding, despite us living 200 miles apart and having different tastes. I politely declined, however my mother announced today that she ‘feels sorry’ for my sister (who hasn’t worked a day in her life) and has agreed to pay for her entire wedding – I get NOTHING!!
I am trying to be adult about this, as I do work full time, but have a baby on the way, so we’ll find it difficult to save for sure.
PLEASE could somebody tell me something positive to stop me feeling hurt, not only by my sister, but by our mother.
Post # 3
Wow. I would feel hurt too. I’m sure it comes across as your mom favoring your sister. Someone once told me that parents tend to “favor” the neediest child. Maybe you can look at this as a compliment from your mom. That she feels like you can take care of yourself. But your sister, even being 8 years older, is still not an independent and mature person. Maybe your mom feels quilty. She might have done a better job raising you than your sister. (Perhaps she was a little young when your sister was born?) That could explain why your sister seems to have some insecurities. Or even if she did well by both of you, your sister just having a different personality, seems to be struggling more, which might still make your mom feel guilty. (We moms can feel pretty guilty…)
As for your sister. Be thankful to be right where you are. You obviously don’t want to be in her shoes, even if it comes with a free ride wedding. AShe feels the need to one up you. It’s sad. But don’t hesitate to at least tell your mom how you feel. She really should try to be more fair about this.
Congratulations on your engagement.
Post # 4
great advice tanya123!! the only thing i can add is that you can have the wedding that you want without anyone else pushing their ideas on you. GL! and congrats on your pregnancy and engagement!
Post # 5
First of all, congratulations on the pregnancy and engagement!!
I am so sorry that happened. Siblings can be very selfish, especially when it comes to attention and money. If she was a good person, she would have declined the offer, just like you did.
You can’t control your Mom or your sister, so keep going in the direction you were before you found out about your Mom paying for her entire wedding. Obviously focus on the end result, the union between you and your perfect person. I am worried about your sister and her upcoming marriage, it doesn’t sound like she is selfless enough for it to last.
Post # 6
Thank you so much for your posts and support.
My sister left home at 16, amicably, and moved miles away, so perhaps mum sees her as a teen still?I’ve always lived near mum and have given her lots of support since my dad died 10 years ago, and see her once a week, that’s what hurts me the most.
You’re all right, my h2b and I are going to save hard and do it exactly how we want it with plenty of planning time!
Sadly, my sister announced that she wants the wedding this December, 3 weeks from my birth due date – she lives 200 miles away! Will have to cross that bridge once it comes.