Post # 1
FI and I have a large wedding party (7 on each side) He has received nothing but support from his dudes, and I have received nothing but a headache from my girls with the exception of 2 ladies.
I don’t want to sound like a crazy bride, but they aren’t pulling their weight at all. There is a mile long list of things they have volunteered to do, that they have not completed – everything from helping me with escort cards, centerpieces, organizing my stagette, picking up their dresses on time, taking them to the tailor on time, etc. These are all tasks that they excitedly volunteered for, and now when it’s crunch time, they are all MIA or uncooperative. I have confronted them as nicely as possible and have either been ignored or been told they are busy and will get back to me later. I haven’t spoken to 1 BM in 3 weeks. I have no idea what is going on with her dress or her progress on my escort cards. My MOH told everyone she was throwing me a bridal shower and all she did was send out evites and then dumped it in my FMIL’s lap. She showed up to my shower late and empty-handed but still told everyone she planned it.
Im getting very frustrated with the lack of cooperation on their end. I don’t know how else to confront them (AGAIN) without them freaking out and stamping BRIDEZILLA on my head…… and I don’t think thats a fair title considering I am just expecting them to follow through with what they offered.
Post # 3
Anyway you confront them they are going to think that of you. The only regret I had was asking his sister to be in it, after all the BS and drama I nicely asked her to step down, well I just said it would be best for both of us if she wasn’t in it. I never asked or expected my girls to do anything but be in the bridal party, get the dress and show up, however my FSIL went MIA for 4 months, I chased her down for her dress on top of her not liking me and not approving of our marriage is when I told her that I don’t want to deal with the drama anymore. His entire family thinks I’m a bridezilla and nuts and whatever, but I’m the most laid back, go with the flow person and feel I had valid reasons to not want someone like that in my wedding.
On your part, that’s tough. I mean I totally get what your saying, and the dress stuff would seriously piss me off and even though they did volunteer for stuff I don’t think you can totally hold that over them. Summer is a busy time and people do get busy and take on things that they really can’t handle. Maybe try touching base with them all to see the status on the things they have volunteered to do and if they haven’t done anything, I say for your sanity and to save you from being pissed off and mad you just take away the stuff they haven’t done. Try not to let them get you done, I think everyone always has regrets on certain people they ask, but don’t let it ruin your day. Sometimes you see people’s true colors when it comes to things like this, and these girls that aren’t putting in the effort probably won’t be in your life 5 years from now because they don’t care enough to be.
Post # 4
My BMs have only exceeded my expectations— but I think I also don’t expect quite as much as you. I ‘expected’ them to the same good friends they’ve always been to me, to listen to wedding stuff just slightly more than others in my life, and to get a reasonably priced dress of my choosing (with their help). My MOH has been awesome and is planning a great shower for me with my mom. My other two BM have offered their help in other ways and we have a date set to go dress shopping together. I don’t really expect their help in crafting stuff at all first because two of them are not local, and second because I don’t think that is a BM’s job. I want to DIY stuff, I’ll handle it. One of my BM did offer to take a week off work to come and help me craft (love!) but I don’t even think thats really necessary.
Post # 5
Like CorgiTales, I don’t regret my choice, but I also don’t expect my BMs to do all that. Even if they volunteered (which my girls have), I still plan on doing it myself and will consider it a pleasant surprise if they actually do follow through and help out. Even my bridal shower and bachelorette parties – I’m prepared to plan them myself if I have to, because I don’t want my wedding to be a burden on my girls. I’m sure your BMs meant well when they volunteered, but their lives probably got busy and they just didn’t have the time to do what they offered to do when they were less busy. Just ask yourself why you asked them to be your maids in the first place – because you care about them and want them by your side on your day, or because you expected them to be free coordinators/laborers? Chances are it’s the former, so just embrace that and let them do what they do best – be your friend, not your staff! 🙂
Post # 6
I love my bm’s they are all my best friends besides my sister and my brothers fi. My FI and I are having 6 on each side, and for the most part I am doing most of the things myself I know that if I need the help my girls will help me, but we are all pretty laid back and the wedding is a pretty relaxed vibe so I would rather all of us just let loose and have a fabulous time, then stress out over who does and who doesn’t. With them picking up their dresses and getting them altered they should be a little more on top of that, but just remember they are going to be the ones regretting not getting that done, because their dresses just won’t look perfect on them, you on the other hand will look perfect and you won’t be stepping on your hem all night!
Post # 7
Have they all ordered their dresses? They still have time to get them tailored, right? I got my BM dress tailored a month before the last wedding that I was in… it was done in like a week.
I’d be upset about the dress thing if they haven’t ordered them on time… other than that, I think you need to take back some of those projects, like the escort cards and centerpieces… even though they volunteered. I can all but guarantee you that our FI’s dudes wouldn’t be “nothing but supportive” if they had to do all these things, all the dudes have to do is plan a bachelor party 🙂
Anyway, just try to relax, it will work out.
Post # 8
I dont regret my choice (I have 7 BMs too!) but there has been a LOT of drama in the past few months which thankfully is over. You seemy friends and his sisters both wanted to plan things and take control and the others were getting upset because they wanted all the control to themselves. It was so silly. There was definitely some awkwardness at my bridal shower but it was still fun and by the time my bachelorette came around everything was great! My BMs havent helped me out with anything though – I am doing everything myself with maybe the help of my mom!
Post # 9
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I don’t regret the women I chose but I kind of regret choosing a party at all. I am kind of wishing that the boy and I had decided not to have BMs and GMs.
Post # 10
@CorgiTales and @ams12 – I think you missed the part where I said they “volunteered”. I find it a little offensive how you say I “expect” things of them – so not the case. I was actually very hesitant to agree to let them take on these projects, which I think is part of the reason why I am so mad – its mostly at myself because I went against my better judgment and they failed me.
@Angela83 – I realize that typically guys in weddings just plan the bachelor party but our wedding was a little different. I didn’t mention that in the first post because it didn’t pertain to my issue. However our wedding features “friendors” which are also guys in the wedding party (reception DJ, 1/2 caterer, second shooter for the bride/groom pics) plus they also threw us an engagement party
I fully understand if their lives got busy and they can’t take it on; but you would think that when asked about the projects they would have the courtesy to reply to you, the honesty to be truthful and the human decency to just hand the project back to you when you tell them it’s okay, not snap a bitchy “Bridezilla” comment on you and proceed to talk shit with the other BMS.
Post # 11
danadelphia, I totally agree. I kind of wish we just had a best man and maid of honor up there. The others aren’t really necessary and have kind of just created headaches, to be totally honest! lol