Post # 1
Ya’ll are such a great group and I am in desperate need of advice!!!
Hubby and I got married, huge wedding, last November. Close to 100 people. We got our marriage license; pastor signed it and two witnesses. I gave it to the husband to file after the wedding. I haven’t worried about it since I wasn’t changing my name. Long story short, I added him to my health insurance at work within 30 days of our marriage as I was supposed to. No biggie. Well, last week I came home to a letter in the mail from my health insurance stating they needed proof of dependents…i.e.…marriage certificate, birth certificates..Etc by June.16<sup>th</sup>. No biggie I thought. Well, I went to go ask the husband for this stuff and he blew up. Stating he never filed the marriage license, he had second thoughts, he felt rushed into marriage…etc. UMMMM WHAT!?!? While I have taken a few days to process this, I am now more concerned about work and providing my health insurance the information they want without looking like a fraud. At the end of the day, I need my job and have a son to support whether or not we stay together! HELP!!!! Any thoughts!? Advice?!!?
Post # 2
Wait, what do you mean he didn’t “file” the marriage certificate? Like he didn’t send it back in after you guys signed it, so you aren’t actually married?
You can buy short-term health insurance on your own for like $50/month (it’s not good coverage, but if you’re desperate), but you need to figure out your marriage situation.
Post # 3
DestinyMichelle: Did he file any type of claim on your insurance during this process?! If NOT, then I do not think you will be in trouble for fraud. If nothing else, you may have paid an extra premium for nothing. Just explain that the responsible party never filed the marriage certificate, so you will worry about enrolling him at open enrollment while you figure out what to do next (in other words, do not air the dirty laundry, and make generalized statements about what happened).
With that said, WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! That is crazy. I am so sorry your husband did this, and said this. I am actually a little surprised because I thought the officiants needed to file with the State first, not the bride/groom, but it may vary!
I wish you luck, and hope you can figure this out 🙁 Hugs!
Post # 4
DestinyMichelle: Woah that’s intense! What a jerk!
I don’t have much legal advice but I’d go to a trusted HR person and explain it all to them and see if they can help you talk to your insurance carrier about it.
Post # 5
DestinyMichelle: What the F? Yeah, the insurance isn’t your biggest problem here. Your husband is a liar and has just demolished the trust that exists between you. Trying to figure that out (if you two can heal it or if this is the begining of the end) is your first prority.
Counselling for sure.
Post # 6
DestinyMichelle: Strange since usually it’s the officiant/pastor/whomever performed the ceremony’s responsibility to send it in. But you aren’t committing fraud. It just might be embarassing to tell your employer that you actually aren’t married and didn’t know it. Tell the husband he’s a total Shmuckhole from me, by the way.
Post # 7
DestinyMichelle: kick him to the curb this is redicoulous honestly. I would bounce. He’s a fraud and a coward how can you trust him again?
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
DestinyMichelle: Da fuh!?! What a lying a-hole for doing this behind your back! And for thinking that he could get away with it, especially when you added him to your insurance policy.
First, if you don’t provide the requested documents then he doesn’t go on your insurance, simple as that. I wouldn’t worry about your job, just let the HR person and the insurance company know an issue came up with your marriage license and you need to straighten it out. They don’t need to know any more than that. It means that you will have to wait until the next open enrollment period to add him to your policy (assuming you are actually married by then.)
Next, you and your “husband” need to have a major discussion ASAP about the situation. Not filing your marriage license was a major breach of trust. Sadly, you will have to ask him if he wants to file the license and be married or go your separate ways. If he isn’t sure you need to know whether you are willing to work on this through counseling with him or you are willing to walk. He put you both in a horribly awkward position and it’s going to be tough to deal with.
Personally, I would be very angry and explain to him how this situation is unacceptable. He could have called the wedidng off before all of this if he wasn’t sure. I would give him two options: 1) file the license immediately (within 24 hours); or 2) pack his s#it up and get out. He should know by now after 6 months whether he’s willing to be committed to this marriage or not and I refuse to waist another minute with a man who pulled something like this over on me. It would be very difficult to trust him ever again.
Post # 9
Ummm… Your husband is a con artist. I would never be able to ever trust him again and would thank him for saving me from having to get a divorce.
As for your insurance, it is only fraud if you deliberately and knowingly do something that you weren’t supposed to. That’s not the case here.
Post # 10
DestinyMichelle: He doesn’t get your benefits, no way. If he’s lying about something as basic as being married, what else is he lying about? Don’t risk your job or your son and good luck to you!
Post # 11
Sorry, correction to my last post: “husband” should be in quotes (or, whatever he calls himself). I would question if he was already married, or what else he is lying about. That’s major.
Post # 12
We were living together for a year prior and he was on my insurance previously to the marriage as a “domestic partner”. I changed his status to married within 30 days as I was suppose to. So he is listed as my spouse now instead of domestic partner. So insurance is asking for marriage license. He does use my insurance. I love my job, have been here 7 years and never intentionally lied. Would have never thought this would have happened. My first concern is getting this straightened out at work and not lose my job. Second is deceiding what to do about this relationship. I need my job to support my son… That is my first priority. I swear… I am numb and this is such a nightmare 🙁 any he people?
Post # 13
DestinyMichelle: Wow, that’s incredibly messed up! I’d be absolutely furious! You dont go through all the wedding plans, then the ACTUAL WEDDING only to say you were “tricked” or “forced into it” what a schmuck! I’m so sorry! I personally would go talk to HR. This isnt your fault, you didnt add him as your husband without knowing he wasnt actaully your husband. Its possible the change can be reversed, or he can just be removed from your policy altogether. Your HR rep will know what to do, and I really dont think it should put your job in jeopardy if it was an honest mistake. Best of luck to you and your son!
Post # 14
DestinyMichelle: You are not going to lose your job.
OK. So now that we got that out of the way, I would really focus on clearing up your relationship.
Post # 15
This is a huge grey zone. I know there are provisions that provide that you are still married even if there was a problem with paperwork for the license. I don’t remember the specifics and it’s probably different from state to state, but sufice to say I’d look into the legalities about if you are considered married or not and how you can get it to married or not, depending on if you’re kicking him to the curb (what I’d do) or somehow trying to make this work (doesn’t sound like a good idea).
I agree with PPs about contacting HR that there was a problem with the marriage license and have your husband removed from your plan. If he hasn’t filed any claims, that should probably be enough. If he has filed claims, it gets more complicated.
As for your “husband”, I don’t know that I could or would want to get over something like that. And then to get defensive and mad at you when your’e just going about what you think is normal newlywed life? Unexcusable.