Help needed! Husband had change of heart and left me in the dark…

posted 3 years ago in Legal
Post # 2
4909 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Wait, what do you mean he didn’t “file” the marriage certificate? Like he didn’t send it back in after you guys signed it, so you aren’t actually married? 

You can buy short-term health insurance on your own for like $50/month (it’s not good coverage, but if you’re desperate), but you need to figure out your marriage situation.

Post # 3
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

DestinyMichelle:  Did he file any type of claim on your insurance during this process?!  If NOT, then I do not think you will be in trouble for fraud.  If nothing else, you may have paid an extra premium for nothing.  Just explain that the responsible party never filed the marriage certificate, so you will worry about enrolling him at open enrollment while you figure out what to do next (in other words, do not air the dirty laundry, and make generalized statements about what happened).

With that said, WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!  That is crazy.  I am so sorry your husband did this, and said this.  I am actually a little surprised because I thought the officiants needed to file with the State first, not the bride/groom, but it may vary!

I wish you luck, and hope you can figure this out 🙁  Hugs!

Post # 4
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

DestinyMichelle:  Woah that’s intense! What a jerk!

I don’t have much legal advice but I’d go to a trusted HR person and explain it all to them and see if they can help you talk to your insurance carrier about it.

Post # 5
5333 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

DestinyMichelle:  What the F?  Yeah, the insurance isn’t your biggest problem here.  Your husband is a liar and has just demolished the trust that exists between you.  Trying to figure that out (if you two can heal it or if this is the begining of the end) is your first prority.

Counselling for sure.

Post # 6
5031 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

DestinyMichelle:  Strange since usually it’s the officiant/pastor/whomever performed the ceremony’s responsibility to send it in. But you aren’t committing fraud. It just might be embarassing to tell your employer that you actually aren’t married and didn’t know it. Tell the husband he’s a total Shmuckhole from me, by the way.

Post # 7
898 posts
Busy bee

DestinyMichelle:  kick him to the curb this is redicoulous honestly. I would bounce. He’s a fraud and a coward how can you trust him again? 

Post # 8
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

DestinyMichelle:  Da fuh!?!  What a lying a-hole for doing this behind your back!  And for thinking that he could get away with it, especially when you added him to your insurance policy.

First, if you don’t provide the requested documents then he doesn’t go on your insurance, simple as that.  I wouldn’t worry about your job, just let the HR person and the insurance company know an issue came up with your marriage license and you need to straighten it out.  They don’t need to know any more than that.  It means that you will have to wait until the next open enrollment period to add him to your policy (assuming you are actually married by then.)

Next, you and your “husband” need to have a major discussion ASAP about the situation.  Not filing your marriage license was a major breach of trust.  Sadly, you will have to ask him if he wants to file the license and be married or go your separate ways.  If he isn’t sure you need to know whether you are willing to work on this through counseling with him or you are willing to walk.  He put you both in a horribly awkward position and it’s going to be tough to deal with.

Personally, I would be very angry and explain to him how this situation is unacceptable.  He could have called the wedidng off before all of this if he wasn’t sure.  I would give him two options: 1) file the license immediately (within 24 hours); or 2) pack his s#it up and get out.  He should know by now after 6 months whether he’s willing to be committed to this marriage or not and I refuse to waist another minute with a man who pulled something like this over on me.  It would be very difficult to trust him ever again.

Post # 9
397 posts
Helper bee

Ummm… Your husband is a con artist. I would never be able to ever trust him again and would thank him for saving me from having to get a divorce.

As for your insurance, it is only fraud if you deliberately and knowingly do something that you weren’t supposed to. That’s not the case here.

Post # 10
2893 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

DestinyMichelle: He doesn’t get your benefits, no way. If he’s lying about something as basic as being married, what else is he lying about? Don’t risk your job or your son and good luck to you!

Post # 11
397 posts
Helper bee

Sorry, correction to my last post: “husband” should be in quotes (or, whatever he calls himself). I would question if he was already married, or what else he is lying about. That’s major. 

Post # 13
1660 posts
Bumble bee


DestinyMichelle:  Wow, that’s incredibly messed up! I’d be absolutely furious! You dont go through all the wedding plans, then the ACTUAL WEDDING only to say you were “tricked” or “forced into it” what a schmuck! I’m so sorry! I personally would go talk to HR. This isnt your fault, you didnt add him as your husband without knowing he wasnt actaully your husband. Its possible the change can be reversed, or he can just be removed from your policy altogether. Your HR rep will know what to do, and I really dont think it should put your job in jeopardy if it was an honest mistake. Best of luck to you and your son!

Post # 14
397 posts
Helper bee

DestinyMichelle:  You are not going to lose your job. 

OK. So now that we got that out of the way, I would really focus on clearing up your relationship. 

Post # 15
9546 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

This is a huge grey zone. I know there are provisions that provide that you are still married even if there was a problem with paperwork for the license. I don’t remember the specifics and it’s probably different from state to state, but sufice to say I’d look into the legalities about if you are considered married or not and how you can get it to married or not, depending on if you’re kicking him to the curb (what I’d do) or somehow trying to make this work (doesn’t sound like a good idea).

I agree with PPs about contacting HR that there was a problem with the marriage license and have your husband removed from your plan. If he hasn’t filed any claims, that should probably be enough. If he has filed claims, it gets more complicated.

As for your “husband”, I don’t know that I could or would want to get over something like that. And then to get defensive and mad at you when your’e just going about what you think is normal newlywed life? Unexcusable.

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