(Closed) Help Needed…Very Frustrated

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m in a similar situation. I’ve been pretty proactive about trying to ‘fix’ it. My fiance grew up in a very restrictive religion. He is full of guilt and negative emotions related to sex. I got him a book called “sexual anorexia”. It has helped alot. That being said, I don’t know how you turn a so so lover into Don Juan. I think it is experience with women (or lack thereof) that makes the difference. I don’t know. If anyone else has suggestions, please help us out…

Post # 4
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Porcelain_Glamour:  I think this is fairly normal. But first to be clear, what do you mean by being more assertive? Do you mean that you want him to initiate things or is it the style in which he initiates and goes about things that turns you off?

Does he know what type of actions/play turn you on, have you told him? If so, how did he respond? Does he know what you mean by “being more assertive”? Have you given him specific examples, so he doesn’t have to guess? Does he ask you if you’re being satisfied? Does it seem like he can tell the times you are left dissapointed?

Post # 6
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Porcelain_Glamour:  Perhaps you can suggest role playing? Maybe mention some sex scene from a movie you really enjoyed and ask him if he’d like to have fun replicating the scene. He might really get into that.

Also, when he is in the heat of the moment, and really enjoying things, you can ask him to do something a little more adventurous that he might not be so prone to do when things are just starting up. I would suggest something that’s vanilla, and a starter move, if that makes sense. He might be more open to trying it out when he’s already super turned on, and then you can give him words of encouragement by telling him how much you are enjoying it. That way he feels comfortable and gets a sense that he is doing things right and pleasing you.

I hope that helps. If that doesn’t work, then you might have to sit down and actually discuss things thoroughly.

Post # 8
Member
528 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

FYI many marriages do not involve sex.  Clearly, sex is very important to YOU so it is important that you talk to him about it.  Considering you are engaged… I would assume that you have a strong enough relationship to talk about these things.  Comparison is healthy but it should not be used as a tool to judge.  You can compare and find DIFFERENCES between partners but it is not in good taste to label them as BETTER or POOR.  You admitted yourself that you feel guilty to think that way, so it is important to think about it differently.

 

Just talk to you FI about it.  If he loves you he will listen and work on improving aspects of the relationship.  If it ends up in a full blown fight or is very awkward.. (which I am sure it won’t) maybe you guys just are not meant to be. 

 

So obviously you guys are very happy and are planning a wedding… so just talk to him.  It is not a taboo topic 🙂

Post # 9
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

Hey, before have you always had problems reaching a climax or is this a recent development?

If you used to climax is there anything specific that he did to get you there?

Post # 12
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

When you say he “comes up to you and starts grabbing,” is this new behavior or has it always been this way? Sounds like it wasn’t always this way – but I couldn’t tell from your post. Can you picture a scenario or time when you had the best sex with your fiance? Sometimes reliving those moments (outloud – fantasizing about them with him) can put you both back into that place mentally and physically. I don’t think couples fantasize outloud with each other enough – it’s opened a whole new world for me, being able to “be slutty” with my fiance and tell him what I want him to see me doing or vice versa. It’s scandalous! In a great way… Kiss

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