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Catholic ceremonies often take place earlier in the day due to church restrictions and mass times, so if a dinner reception is planned, there's naturally a large gap in time.
I was raised Baptist and have been to quite a few daytime ceremonies followed by a brief reception at the church; if the bride/groom/family doesn't want alcohol or dancing at the wedding (which isn't the case for everyone but also isn't uncommon), a short and sweet reception makes a lot of sense. My sister and I both married in Baptist churches and dancing wasn't allowed whatsoever. I've also been to weddings at Baptist churches with simple dinner/dancing receptions following elsewhere and more elaborate affairs with booze and dancing into the night. If a DJ or band isn't hired, generally there aren't many events other than cake cutting and bouquet/garter since you may not someone to facilitate a timeline.
I think the differences you're experiencing might have to do more with your individual circles of friends/family than with the areas you're from--the Bible belt definitely has more conservatives, but we have quite a few fancy weddings as well.
@pinkpaperbride: Thanks for your feedback. I sincerely hope it isn't coming across that I'm struggling with the difference between hick weddings and glamorous cosmopolitan ones, since that's not what I'm trying to say at all. I think the differences I'm seeing are ultimately a difference of formality more than anything. :)
@brittaful: I didn't take it that way, no worries! When dealing with your fiance or his family, always remember: being from the South does not necessarily mean someone is informal or rural or a hick. I know you already know that--you didn't say that it was and I'm not accusing you of doing so, but the idea that you think weddings where you're from are usually more cosmopolitan could potentially come across offensive to the Mississippi peeps. I don't think the differences in formality are mainly due to geography.
It's absolutely a regional difference. I had never been to a wedding with a seated dinner until well after I got out of college. I thought only wealthy people had them or they did them on TV.
Traditionally in New Orleans, where I am having my wedding, after the ceremony, you go to the reception, the band is playing, the food is served buffet style and the bar is open. There is no long sit down dinner, speeches, etc. There are pros/cons to both types of weddings, but I am happy to have a wedding that will incorporate some of the unique traditions of New Orleans and the South. FWIW-I did send out save the dates, but will not be doing escort cards, table numbers, etc. Also most weddings in New Orleans are only three hours long and are priced as such by every venue and caterer.
Check out Southern Weddings Magazine's website. There are tons of weddings that have all of the cosmopolitan flair that you are looking for, but are uniquely Southern.
I would definitely recommend that you visit the knot's New Orleans board as there are several brides that actively post and can help you with some of your questions.
@louisianablue: Thanks a million! Our wedding is also in New Orleans and I was surprised at the many things our venue assumed standard, while I assumed the opposite. I guess that "makes an ass out of you and me" thing applied to both of us, but some of the differences honestly never occurred to me (3 hour limit, buffet style, anywhere-you-want seating, etc.). I'm actually really pleased with it, since this is more along the lines of what I was looking for anyway and also means less work/$ on my end of things. :)
@pinkpaperbride: The "cosmopolitan" mention was sarcastic. I don't think the Northern weddings I described are even remotely cosmopolitan, I actually find many of them to be gaudy and way too over-the-top for my tastes. :)
@brittaful: I know exactly what you are talking about, let me try to explain. In the south, I live in Tennessee there is sometimes a huge economic gap with the generations. I will use my family and the family of a really close friend as an example. My close friend and I are friends from college, we are sorority sisters, we bought our cars together, dated similar types of men, lived down the street from each other blah blah blah...we are a lot alike, like sisters. She lived in Chicago and met an attorney got engaged and planned a wedding in TN. Her mom was confused on why we she wanted a 30-40k wedding. She said she could get married at the family church, we can cook the food and have the reception in the fellowship hall. Of course, to us that was a bit extreme and out of the question. My mom is the same way. She does not understand my friends and I taking vacations several times a year, driving expensive cars, having 15-20k wedding rings.... they think we are nuts! Sometimes my mom jokes and says her daughter is rich. We both come from very ole school families and they don't understand our lifestyle.... at all! Growing up our family income was under 50k. My income combined my ex finance’s income was about 220k and my friend's income with her fiancée at the time was about the same. It’s just a different life, in the south everything is about family. Your family loves you regardless and thinks the big show is not needed. OMG that was a lot to type. Basically, what’s nice to us (our generation) is over the top lavish to them. My friend's mom asked her if she thought she was Beyonce? lol That comment came from us talking about ice sculptures.
@Soladylike: Thanks, those are really good examples and I do think there's a big generational difference, especially bc FI is 15 years older than me. I think it makes those differences even more noticable.
I'm definitely scaling back certain things (like decor) and skipping others (like videography). I want the day to still feel like our style, but I also don't want any of our guests to feel uncomfortable. I know not everyone will be happy with all of the decisions we make (and if I was trying to please everyone, I should just give up now), but I want it to be an overall positive experience for everyone. I feel bad that some guests are not going to be able to come since it is on a Sunday, and others won't want to come because there will be alcohol and there will be no religious ceremony. I also feel bad that some guests won't be able to come because it is so far away or will feel like it isn't elaborate enough to justify the trip. Regardless, I'm thankful to any guests who are able to share it with us and am trying to be sensitive and aware without getting bogged down in hopeless attempts at people pleasing. :)
@brittaful: You will never be able to please everyone. But you can have a wedding that mixes both cultures and have a fabulous time. I'm sure that everything will work out fine. Sometimes people nag just because its different. There is no defined "right way" its about doing what you love. People are going to show up and have a great time. Trust me they will eat and drink whatever you have (if its not too fancy.) lol
I had to laugh a bit when I read your post as A, it's hard NOT to stereotype the North/South divide and B, know where you are coming from (my lovely FI is British). Sorry this ran a little long but there are many ways to make this a beautiful day, blend both sides of tradition and maybe learn a little bit more abotu your fiance.
Here's the thing about Southern weddings. His sound a bit more Baptist and old school. You are correct in your summations. I've been to that wedding. Then there are Texas weddings with 600 people, blakc tie and more money than God. Been to that. The plantation/garden wedding, church wedding, lakes etc. My point is, just like the North, Southern weddings have a lot of flavors. So I wouldn't assume that ALL Southerners have the same expectations.
The hallmark, I might say, for a simpler Southern wedding, could be that it is slightly traditional, focuses on the families coming together and meeting. It can be a bit more laid back (sometimes disorganized!) or less 'fancy' but everyone should feel a part of the day. There may be less focus on designer shoes, extravagant looking displays or certain decor elements but it's not all plastic sheets and fried chicken, I promise.
Do you both drink and/or dance? Some Baptists can be a bit sticky on this but a friend's mother solved this once by holding a 'reception' on a riverboat after the church hall reception for the 'sinners among us'. All were happy and the bride's family didn't pay for booze and dancing.
As to time of day, the midday wedding isn't UNCOMMON (esp if a smaller affair) but evening events are pretty common, if for no other reason than because it's not as hot! For the dress code, well, need I say Jersey Shore, Real Houswives of Anything, GCB...list goes on? People can (and will) dress appropriately and the opposite of good taste as they please. Unfortunately that's people. Maybe be sensitive if his mother (or female family) asks about what to wear and have some good suggestions on hand. Do NOT rely on your fiance to spread the word about fashion.
The thing I tend to see more at 'Yankee' weddings than Southern (sorry, couldn't resist) is the DJ annoncements, sparkly things for decoration, and bigger cocktail hours. Southerners definitely have the first dance, father/daughter dance, cake cutting, etc. so just include things that you BOTH want there. This is a wedding blending two families so include what you like!
As for making people feel comfortable that's easy - WANT them to be there :) Just worrying about making them being happy means you're on the right track. If there are any b*tches, North or South, who want to sit there and take notes and say 'well that's not done HERE', then that's their issue. Okay, a few tips to help trim a cost here and there but keep up the 'tone' of the event.
Make a little booklet about the city for out of town guests (can do this easily online) to help introduce the area. Not expensive, give maps, numbers, names of places etc. and activities.
One fun thing might be to write up little notes in the ceremony program, menu or around the reception that may help explain certain traditions, poke fun at the differences, and just have fun with it. Put it in the booklet too!
You will have a LOVELY day with your budget. DON'T WASTE MONEY ON STUFF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT (I don't, for example, really care about a videographer or favors). Pick a things you both find important and concentrate more budget there - avoid 'spreading it out' very thinkly because you'll wind up disappointed with more cheap looking things than fewer elegant things.
Buy a gauzy material for an overlay to dress up boring white linens (hot glue guns or an aunt with a Singer are your friends).
Use one or two expensive flowers in the midst of less expensive or in-season blooms. Or use nice blooms in your bouquet but less expensive elsewhere (I've never heard a guest say 'well, there were no roses in the centerpiece; I'm leaving!' but have heard 'cheap of them to have no booze and plastic cutlery and fake ferns for centerpieces but yet have a monogrammed dance floor and I can't see around this massive arrangement with glo sticks' - ok, the last is an exaggeration)
Serve 1 main course rather than a selection. Or choose one red or white wine to serve rather than a selection. A simple elegant choice or 3 courses is better than 4 cheap looking things.
Do beer and wine without liquor if you don't care about liquor. Maybe serve 1 alcoholic drink at cocktail hour but lemonade or tea etc. for other choices.
Don't waste money trying to make a reception 'look' expensive. You will make it lovely and personal on your own merit and by thinking about the people attending, not because you paid 3000 extra for a personalized ice sculpture or helicopter escape.
Not sure if this helps at all but good luck! Let me know if you have any more questions about Southern weddings.
I wouldn't worry too much about the culture shock. People will just enjoy celebrating the day with you regardless.
I have to say, neither of the weddings you described are anything like the weddings I've been to here! I've noticed that people here tend to sit on the border of formal and casual. They'll spend a lot of money (oh em gee, wedding venues are murder here) but then it's usually kind of rustic with a HUGE emphasis on food. HUGE. High. Quality. FOOD. Oh, and wine!
It wasn't until a few years ago I really realized that people do get married in a church and have a reception there. It's still really really odd to me.
The concept of no dancing is totally freaky to me too. I can't even wrap my mind around it! It just isn't the culture here for the most part.
@brittaful
I'm originally from Southern Mississippi myself; I hope that my reflection on this helps you in some way. He's a bit from the old school...although it is true that normally, ceremonies do take place in the church and the reception either takes place in the church dining hall or at a separate place altogether. I have seen receptions where there's only focus on the bride and groom dancing as opposed to everyone else dancing.
I, for one, feel it is strange to not dance at the reception. It's a merry time and people are supposed to be having fun...you didn't know any better, you would think people would come just for the food and drink.
It's all about finding a common ground which makes you and him happy.
As far as the cost, the only way anyone should be saying anything about the cost is if they are contributing to it...if they aren't, then their opinions aren't important.
I'm not planning on spending that much, not necessarily because it is a cultural thing but because I don't have that type of money to invest. I would rather use the money towards setting aside money for the honeymoon, a home (since I don't quite have that yet) and for future children (since I don't have any kids). If you both have that amount to invest, then it is indeed a blessing. It is a day for both of you to remember...it is about the two of you, not everyone else. As long as the both of you are happy at the end, that is all that matters. 
The wedding is just one day. The marriage should be for a lifetime.
Let us know how everything goes.
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My FI is born and raised in Southern Mississippi, while I am from New York. We're about 5 months away from the wedding and we are struggling with finding a balance between the "culture" of Northern v. Southern weddings. I'm not sure if it's a geographic difference, religious difference, cultural difference, economic difference, generational, or something else? We're doing a good job of finding compromises and envisioning our day, but I'm wondering if some of my laissez-faire vendor trouble, seemingly OCD bride projects, etc. are just a disconnect between the ways weddings are done where each of us come from, for whatever reason.
He hasn't been to a whole lot of weddings, but his take on them is that they usually involve a Baptist ceremony at the church, followed by a reception that is usually in the church hall. They are usually during the day. Food is buffet style, meal preferences are not included on RSVPs, and Save the Dates are rare. Family is often responsible for some/all of the food. Decorations usually involve floral centerpieces and crepe paper streamers. There is usually no cocktail hour, no alcohol, no band/dj, and no dancing. Photos are taken quickly between the ceremony and reception. Gifts are given at the shower *or* wedding, not both. The budget is usuall ~$2,000-$3,000. Linen and china rentals, lighting, coordinators, etc. are all uncommon and it is a very casual, family-oriented affair. The idea of telling people where to sit via escort cards, seating cards, and table numbers was completely foreign to him. I'd describe the overall ambiance as "Sunday Best."
I haven't been to a ton of weddings either, but my experience is very different. The ceremony is at a church (usually Catholic), followed by a reception that is usually at a catering hall or golf course/country club. The ceremony is usually in the day, while the reception is in the evening. Receptions are seated dinners with multi-course menus and Floral centerpieces, table numbers, escort cards, place cards, etc. are all the norm. Decor will extend beyond this and often involves crystal drops, trellises, etc. The "My Fair Wedding" type decor is not really that foreign. There is *always* a cocktail hour, and usually a band/dj (often both), open bar, and a series of very scripted events, such as entrance, father/daughter dance, mother/son dance, wedding party dance, cake cutting, bouquet toss, garter toss, etc. Photos are an all day affair, with many photos taken before the ceremony, many taken in between the ceremony and reception (at least an hour), and then more still throughout the reception. Chivari chairs, chargers, assorted china, custom linens, etc. are all normal and it is a pretty extravagant event. I'd describe the overall ambiance as "Black Tie Optional."
I think my wedding expectations fall somewhere between the two, but it's hard for me to even anticipate some of the differences. For example, when I was preparing our Save the Dates, he thought it was weird but I just assumed it was because he is a guy. I later find out that many of his family members thought they were the actual invite. So there are definitely some differences here! He's worried about coming across as ostentatious/showy and I'm worried about having an event that lacks the detail and aesthetic that I feel like a wedding should have. Ultimately, the most important thing for both of us is that *all* of our guests feel as comfortable as possible. Our budget is about $15,000-$25,000, which he thinks his family would find appalling (not that we're broadcasting it). So I know I can't do a really extravagant wedding (I wouldn't want to), but I still want it to be really beautiful and special.
Does anyone else have experience with this? What are some differences that you've run into? How did you handle them? *Any* feedback would be much appreciated!
Edit: I know there is a certain amount of "stereotype" reflected in what I said above, but it's based on both of our past experiences. I also know that there are plenty of Northern weddings that would fit my Southern description, and vice versa. I'm just highlighting some of the issues/differences that have come up in our specific planning and have no intentions of being culturally insensitive or judging one type of wedding over another. A hybrid is best for us, but finding out way to that hybrid is what is a little bit challenging.