(Closed) HELP! not sure how to handle soon to be mother in law

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MissMeeksy:  Well, I can think of about 100 things I could say to you right now, but I’ll just go with the simplest….why don’t you have your FI talk to her? Not a super serious convo or anything. Just a chat about his future plans with you, the wedding in July, how happy and excited he is, etc. Maybe this will help it sink in for her.

After that, you could try involving her (beware of how much). For now you could do something as simple as pick up some paint color cards from Home Depot, put some combinations together, and just sit with her and get her opinion on different ones. Make it a casual “Hey, what do you think of these for the wedding? I’m coming up with color ideas.”

I also wouldn’t take it too personally. Some people are just not wedding people…like it just doesn’t click and they don’t get too involved…and they think EVERYTHING is nice and it’s all fuss.

Oh, and depending on how old school she is, some people just leave everything to the bride and her parents. They just think they have no obligation but to show up and hug you both. Who knows?

Post # 4
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Well have you brought up anything to do with your wedding? I know my fils don’t say anyt because they don’t want to be ” pushy” I have to ask for their opinion. And fi is useless in relaying info, and they don’t ask so not to be overbearing . Bring it up. Tell her the date. Ask her if she would like to be involved.  

It seems you have a communication issue not a fmil Issue.

Post # 5
Member
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Perhaps maybe you should ask her to do wedding related things with you to get her involved.  She may not want to intrude.  As for the party, if your mom wants you to have an engagement party, why can’t she throw you one yourself.  I only know one person who has ever had one and that was my uncle.  Her party=her decision.

Post # 6
Member
46151 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Perhaps she thinks she is not entitled to an opinion because your parents are paying for everything? Take the suggestions from the pp’s and involve her in small things to see what her reaction is.

Post # 7
Member
3472 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

My guess is she’s trying not to step on anyone’s toes so she’s not bringing it up– if you want her help, you’ll ask– kind of mentality. 

I would talk to her about it– find something that you’d like her opinion on, food for the reception, centerpiece flowers, whatever– and ask her, that will open the door, and show her that you want her to be a part of the process.  Traditionall the mother of the groom gets left out of a lot of that stuff, so it’ll be nice if you include her. 

Post # 8
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think you should be happy you have this type and not the take over type 🙂 Like PP have said   she may be waiting for you to specially include her or ask for her advice. 

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