(Closed) Help! Not Sure What to Do…

posted 9 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Do you feel he should ‘convert?’ It seems like he is more agnostic (which isn’t a bad thing) but is open to the idea of Christianity.

If you feel that you two will stay together, and be able to raise a family, regardless of his religious choice, go for it. Honestly, religion seems to be something people lose around college and gain back when they mature. Maybe it’ll just take him some time.

Post # 4
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery

Hi Bridey2Be – 
When I met FH I was very active in my church, I was assistant youth group leader, lead a small group and attended every Sunday. FH is catholic but has never really gone to church except on Christmas and Easter. What was important to me were his values, openess to going to church and wanting to raise our children Christian. Your boyfriend seams very open to Christianity, more so than a lot of men I know would have been. I think it is really a personal judgement call for you, but I don’t see how you could be that "unequally yolked" if he is making that much of an effort 

Blessings,
Ali 

Post # 5
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

It sounds like you really love him. I was raised in the church (my dad was a pastor for the majority of my life), and the strictest Christians would say to follow this whole "unequally yoked" bit of the Bible to the letter. However, I think love crosses all lines of religion and other differences you may discover…I think that as long as you are mature enough to accept his decision and not let it become this enormous source of the conflict between the two of you, everything will work out perfectly.

HOWEVER…you can’t marry him thinking "He’ll eventually become a Christian." What if he doesn’t? Would that change your decision to marry him? If so, I would definitely advise waiting until he comes to a decision before you promise to be with him no matter what. One of my best friends was raised by a Christian mom and a non-Christian dad, and he was raised in the church, and his parents never fought over it. It was an agree-to-disagree kind of arrangement. Are you prepared to do that? It’s definitely something to think about, and I wish you the best of luck in your decision.

Post # 6
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

If you’re not sure – pray about it! That’s my best advice.

Your question reminds me of this verse:

"For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but now they are holy." 1 Corinthians 7:14

 

Post # 8
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have a friend in a similar situation (though currently she’s just looking for a serious relationship, not a husband at this point), so I’m just going to share with you what I told her.  My faith is important to me, and it was important to me for my (future) husband to share in my faith.  Changing/altering my faith to fit someone else was never an option.  I have been fortunate enough to find someone that shares this point of view.  Though our denominations are not exactly the same, we agree on a majority of things.  You can’t force someone to agree with you.  It’s promising to hear that your guy is open to Christianity, but be careful that you aren’t compromising your beliefs to make the relationship a better fit. If he always just remains "open" to it, will that be enough?  Consider how your relationship and lives will be later on.  If he never commits or if he changes his mind about being "open," will it still be ok?  I also suggest prayer and conversation with your guy and maybe even someone from your church that you respect (maybe a pastor or deacon/elder?). This is a difficult and important decision.  I wish you the best!

Post # 9
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I agree with myfavorite and annalytical. You have to decide whether it’s important to you (or whether you think it will be in the future) that you and your husband share your faith. When my FI and I got together he hadn’t gone to church regularly since high school. He’s always been a Christian, though, and has is happy now that he’s back in church. He’s always going to be more private about his faith, though, and I’m OK with that. If, on the other hand, he had decided that he wasn’t interested in going back to church and reconnecting with God, I would have had to say "so long." I just knew that I needed more than that from my husband.

You can pray for him, but he’s the only one who can make that decision to believe or not. What you have to decide is whether him being accepting and open is enough or if you need more.

Post # 10
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would take it very seriously that he has not professed his faith, made the step, whatever you want to call it.  You would have the opportunity now to back out, but if you marry now and he changes his mind about being open to God and christianity later (becomes hostile or unaccepting) than it will be too late.

 I think the verse missbean brought up is a powerful one, but I also think it refers to couples where the wife becomes a Christian during the marriage and the husband is not.  You still can set an example and speak through deeds.

I understand that this is touchy, sensitive topic for Christians, and while you wouldn’t want him to feign a conversion for your sake, I would strongly encourage you wait to marry until or unless God leads him that direction.  Pray for him openly and ask others to do the same.  Find a godly couple in your church to mentor the both of you. 

But please consider not moving forward until or unless he does become a committed Christian.  You have your lives ahead of you if wait, but if you don’t and nothing changes, or things change for the worse, you could have a lot of problems.  I just don’t want you to suffer later in life, unduly.

I pray that you’ll come to the best conclusion.  Continue to seek the right answer in prayer and through wise counsel (elders, parents, pastor) throughout!

Post # 11
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Anything that you are passionate about, whether it is religeon or something else, can bring you closer together or drive you apart.  It may be acceptable to you to be with someone who doesn’t equally share your passion, but can be supportive of it – and it sounds like that is the position you are in with your FI.  It may also be that you would prefer to wait for someone who shares it equally.  I don’t think that is a decision that anyone can make for you – it has to be what you feel in your heart, and you really need to base your decision on your FI as a whole person, rather than this issue only.  I would also be cautious about the advice that other people give you. It is generally based on their own experiences, and while that doesn’t make it bad, it may mean that it’s just not applicable to you.  I’m sure that if you pray and really look into your heart, you will find an answer. 

And I think that what both you and your FI are doing is the right thing.  You, in opening a door for him and giving him the time to come to his own decisions, and him, in being open to the idea that perhaps there are things beyond his current world view.  The growth of his faith can’t really be rushed, it just has to happen.  Your decision may be like that as well.

Post # 12
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I am on the opposite side of the road and I’m not sure that is the opinion that you are looking for, but I will tell you that my relationship works and is going very well. I was raised by a half Japanese Buddhist mother and took a few religious studies courses (Christianity as well) in school. Buddhism is much more like a daily spiritual philosophy than a practicing religion. My Fiance is devoutly Christian and the differences in our beliefs is something he has had to come to terms with as well. We will raise our children in Christianity but they will know Buddhism philosophy as well. For us we focus on the beliefs and there are many, that are similar example: The Golden Rule and Karma.

As everyone above said you need to come to terms and decide if you can move forward with someone with different beliefs, but if you think you can then all you need is to embrace your differences while focusing on the similarites of your faith.

And lastly Suzanno is brilliant…..lol

Post # 13
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

My mother is VERY religious, my father not so much (would not go to chuch, but was open to discussion on religious topics), and they’ve been married for 32 extremely happy years!

Post # 15
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

For me, my faith and relationship with God are central to my life, so I couldn’t imagine being with someone who didn’t share that. For me, that wasn’t even an option.

I have a close friend and mentor who has a very close relationship with God and is active in church/ministry, but whose husband is not a believer. They seem to have a wonderful relationship and she comments often on how blessed she is to be married to him, so it can work. 

I think a lot of it probably depends on how involved you are in your faith/church. If it’s not a huge part of your life it probably wouldn’t be a problem. If it is a big part of your life, though, how supportive is he of the time and energy you dedicate to it? It could cause problems later if he feels that the church is "stealing" you from him or something.

Also, have you talked about kids? Would you raise your kids Christian?

Post # 16
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I am a non christian marrying a christian and I think one of the best parts of my FH’s faith is he accepts me as I am and prays for me.  I sort of come from the same background as your FH and have reasoned through not returning to the church but my FH and I are both very respectful of one another’s beliefs and spirtuality as well as our respective families.  I truly believe that God knows no relgious conviction other than love and if you choose Christianity, Buddhism, Judeaism or whatever to express that, that is what is most important.  And it sounds like you have a lot of love for your man!

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