- 2 years ago
Hi there! i am applying to a private school and need help editing my essay on the topic of why do you want to become a nurse. the school would like to get to know the student a little bit. I feel like I am using “I” a lot especially in the 4th paragraph and need help revising it plus other editing suggestions about the essay 🙂 Thanks!!
THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! My heart was beating violently and dropped into the pit of my stomach after receiving what would be one of the most traumatic phone calls of my life. Without hesitation, I frantically scrambled into my car and drove to the hospital my sister had just been admitted to after a dirt-biking accident. It was a friend that found her motionless, bloody, and unconscious on the ground at the scene with the dirt bike nearby. After a quick assessment, he initiated CPR. Nearly twenty minutes had passed before anyone heard his screams for assistance, when finally a father and son riding nearby were able to aid in calling 9-1-1. She was taken to the emergency room immediately, and the nurses told her friend that she does not have a good chance of surviving this. My sister had a lacerated liver, a collapsed lung, four broken ribs, a fractured eye socket, fractured jawbone, a skull fracture, and a brain injury. The thought of seeing her like this was terrifying but I needed to be there for her. I wanted to be there for her. The feeling that I had was nothing like I have ever felt before, the thought of losing a loved one in a matter of seconds felt so unreal to me. I could not bear the thought of losing my sister so suddenly. I got to the hospital and seeing her like this made me want to do everything in my power to help her. Everyday that I was in the hospital I could not help but analyze others who were going through similar traumas and I saw how the nurses were taking care of them, my sister, and even my family. The nurses could see that my family and I had lost hope at one point, and some of them would sit beside us and talk to us; they knew exactly what to say to us and it really did help us get through that whole process. I really admired the way that the nurses treated her with such attentiveness and mindfulness. They were truly inspiring and really cared for my sister. It was at this moment in my life I knew that I wanted to be a nurse. My sister ended up surviving and the doctors said that it would take her six months to a year to fully recover. She made progress everyday and I was so amazed by it. I honestly felt like a miracle had just happened because the doctor said she was extremely lucky to be alive. To see that kind of trauma happen to someone, especially a family member, and that person recovering from something like that was truly amazing. I feel that my aspiration for becoming a nurse has come from my personal experiences.
One of the greatest challenges I have had to overcome in my life was being viciously bullied and tormented as a child. My peers and classmates bullied me at school, and even during extracurricular activities. I was tormented for my appearance growing up. Like most children, I was not born with perfect teeth and I would get made fun of almost everyday for having what many would consider bulky, crooked teeth. I would never want to smile because I was so hurt by the mean things people would say. In every class and school, there always seems to be a target for other children’s insecurities, and I was that target. I was made fun of for the “ugly” clothes that I wore. I would go home crying to my parents, and beg them to get me new clothes. All of the girls shopped at “name stores” such as Abercrombie or Hollister, but my parents, who could not afford more than the basics, could not buy me the trendy brands. To support us, both my parents had full time jobs and would need to be at work early, so my siblings and I took the bus, where we would be called names like ‘losers’ regularly. I felt like a constant victim. Most days I would beg my parents to not go to school. Though this seems like a part of ordinary teasing, the overwhelming consistency and intensity of the comments made this a daily torment for me.
Though I did not understand at the time why this harmful behavior existed, the process of surviving my own childhood has made me stronger, more compassionate, and even understanding of those who treated me so badly. Getting bullied profoundly affected me growing up. Gradually, however, I began to change. Although I never received any apologies, I started to forgive the bullies on my own because the pain that it brought me was affecting my life and ability to grow as a person. I became much more independent and confident as I realized that a persons value is beyond their appearance. Although people have found satisfaction in putting me down, I have found the opposite for myself—my own gratification is enhanced from bringing others up. I have realized the importance that someone’s behavior can have on others, and that is why it is so rewarding to help people, and have a positive impact on their lives. Overcoming being bullied has molded and shaped me into the person I am today. I have become stronger mentally and emotionally, I am secure and know my self-worth. And I am more sensitive to other people’s feelings because of it. I am so thankful that I have a wonderful support system in my life that has gotten me through this and I hope to provide the same for others in need.
My experiences have molded me into the person that I am today, and have also taught me who I want to be. After being treated so horribly most of my childhood, and seeing my sister in the state that she was in with the help of those nurses, I realized that I wanted to have a profession that was rewarding. Primarily, I have always had a love for health sciences and the function of the human body. It has always fascinated me and intrigued me having knowledge about our organ systems and how all of the processes have an influence on one another. Having new technology in the medical field really intrigues me also because there is so much that is changing such as disease prevention, or having shorter stays in the hospital after a surgery. To that end, becoming a registered nurse is my true passion. Because of the experiences that I have gone through I know who I am, and who I want to be. I am someone that is honest and loyal. I believe in integrity, I keep my word, and take responsibility for my own actions. I am dependable and responsible. I have a strong work ethic. I want to show compassion by taking action, truly listening, and putting myself into another’s shoes. I have confidence in myself that I will have compassion for my patients by listening and connecting to them in order to care for them. Nurses are the ones that spend the most time with the patients and their families, and it is important to give exceptional and high quality patient care. I have faith in myself for doing the best that I can and making the right decisions for the patients; I know that I can be the nurse that makes an impact. I know that I have patience and perseverance to serve a fellow human being. I want to contribute to society and giveback to the community. Nursing is a challenging yet rewarding profession. Being a nurse, I could assist in changing lives whether it is welcoming a newborn child, or saving a life. I look forward to being in a fast-paced environment, where everyday is different and I would get to experience different situations. I enjoy the thought of interacting with different people everyday such as doctors, lab technicians, patients, and their families. I hope that I can make an impact on someone’s hospital experience for the better. I want to be that nurse that always makes a difference, and give others the care that was given to my sister and family.
I believe I can contribute to Chamberlain College of Nursing by being apart of the community and aiding those in need. A value of Chamberlain College of Nursing is to teach students’ academic excellence and world-class service, my priority is to obtain a high quality education, and I believe that Chamberlain can help me achieve this goal. I also believe that Chamberlain can help me put those teachings to good use outside the classroom, such as a friend seeking advice when ill, or a mild emergency at a restaurant. I am eager and excited that Chamberlain offers hands on experience, and has the fast pace that I need. With these goals in mind, I look forward to applying myself to the education and experiences available at Chamberlain College of Nursing.
- This topic was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by kweersten.