Help on how to uninvite guests

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How should I handle this?
    Explain the situation to the uninvited ones - if they love you they will understand : (11 votes)
    16 %
    Just send out invitations to the ones who are invited to the wedding : (2 votes)
    3 %
    Have the wedding with the ones you can invite and a cocktail party later for the uninvited ones : (5 votes)
    7 %
    Postpone the wedding until you can invite everyone : (51 votes)
    74 %
  • Post # 2
    3841 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    alf517:   My suggestion is to postpone the wedding.  

    Post # 3
    5460 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Honestly, there is no way to politely ‘un-invite’ guests.  What I would do is just cancel the wedding, save up a little more money, and then host the wedding you can afford (whether that is farther away or just smaller).  Then start your planning from square one, and invite only those you can afford to host.

    Post # 4
    2082 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014


    alf517:  I don’t think there is any way you can pull off what you are wanting to do without seriously offending and alienating a significant portion of your friends and family. Yes, some people will understand the situation and won’t hold a grudge and will wish you nothing but the very best. But many others won’t.

    Definately postphone.

    ETA: I actually cannot believe your own mother would do this to you after STD’s were sent and everything. How awful.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  sillysillybee.
    • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  sillysillybee.
    Post # 4
    1157 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I don’t think there is an unoffensive way to revoke invitations of select people that you can’t afford to host. I would suggest just canceling it and re-planing a new wedding within your now-revised budget. 

    Sorry you’re in this fix. 🙁

    Post # 6
    2455 posts
    Buzzing bee

    alf517:  Is there anyway you can pick another “free” venue? Like a local park or something with more space?

    Post # 7
    2455 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Or does any of your family have a house with a large yard? Then you can have a yard party without trying to fit all the guests in the house.

    Post # 8
    642 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    You can’t uninvite guests without offending them. I’m sorry you’re going through this – it must be stressful. I would suggest you cancel the wedding and host what you and your FI can afford. 

    Good luck!

    Post # 9
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I don’t think you can “uninvite” them. You can notify that the wedding is postponed, and have it at a different time when you can host those you’ve invited. OR, find another location that will have everyone within your budget on the date you’ve planned.

    Final option, which may still be pushing it – maybe others can weigh in on this idea: have the wedding at FI’s or your parents’ place. but ONLY invite immediate family. parents, grandparents, and siblings. One maid of honor and one best man to witness, but no other friends or attendants. Write a note to each person who received a STD that you wish you could have celebrated with them, but due to unforeseen circumstances you had to cancel the big wedding and marry with only immediate family present. I think you either uninvite all or none of your guests, and if you have to do it, this would maybe be the best way.

    Post # 11
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse


    Let this serve as a warning that STDs are NOT for your entire guest list.  They are for your VIPs only.  

    OP, realistically, you can cancel the wedding and save up, find a free/super cheap venue, or look into options like hosting an afternoon reception of cake and punch (not over a meal time) that would fit within your budget.

    Post # 12
    864 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    alf517:  as PPs have said, and like you know already, you can’t really uninvite people without it being rude (whether you have good intentions/reasons or not). the one and only reasonable option in that vein is to take blushingbride2bee: ‘s advice. 

    also i think something to keep in mind, is that if you do cancel/postpone and plan a wedding a year or two from now when you can (financially) host it yourselves, be sure that you at least consider including the same guests from this time around. if they received an STD this time, then learn that due to venue you have to postpone, and then are not included once you have a new venue, they are basically still uninvited, just nicer.

    hold off until you can afford to host the wedding, and i would suggest going with a contracted venue. that’s the only way you have some recourse if needed and security overall.

    Post # 13
    376 posts
    Helper bee

    No, there is never an okay way to uninvite. Postponement is definitely the most gracious option here!

    Post # 15
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    OP if i were a person who you would have to univite I would 100% understand.  I assume that if i was one of the people you sent a save the date to, that I meant something to you and that you meant something to me and I would feel ABSOLUTLY HORRIBLE if i was part of the reason you had to postpone your marriage. 

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