Post # 1
I know uninviting people is really, really rude but here is the situation. We were planning to get married in October at my mom’s house on the lake. We talked with her about it, took our engagement pictures there, and sent out all the save the dates. Two weeks after mailing them out my mom decided that she didn’t want us to have the wedding at her house anymore for several reasons that are understandable but could have been discussed BEFORE the save the dates went out. We have a super small budget and can’t afford another venue so the only other option is FH’s parents’ house which has MUCH less space. We have already alerted our guests that there were issues and we would have to look for a new venue. Our options are 1. Postpone the wedding until we can afford to have everyone there which might be a year or two from now or 2. Uninvite more than half of the guests. We are looking forward to getting married and don’t want to wait that long. How do I uninvite people without offending them?
Post # 2
alf517: My suggestion is to postpone the wedding.
Post # 3
Honestly, there is no way to politely ‘un-invite’ guests. What I would do is just cancel the wedding, save up a little more money, and then host the wedding you can afford (whether that is farther away or just smaller). Then start your planning from square one, and invite only those you can afford to host.
Post # 4
alf517: I don’t think there is any way you can pull off what you are wanting to do without seriously offending and alienating a significant portion of your friends and family. Yes, some people will understand the situation and won’t hold a grudge and will wish you nothing but the very best. But many others won’t.
ETA: I actually cannot believe your own mother would do this to you after STD’s were sent and everything. How awful.
Post # 4
I don’t think there is an unoffensive way to revoke invitations of select people that you can’t afford to host. I would suggest just canceling it and re-planing a new wedding within your now-revised budget.
Sorry you’re in this fix. 🙁
Post # 6
alf517: Is there anyway you can pick another “free” venue? Like a local park or something with more space?
Post # 7
Or does any of your family have a house with a large yard? Then you can have a yard party without trying to fit all the guests in the house.
Post # 8
You can’t uninvite guests without offending them. I’m sorry you’re going through this – it must be stressful. I would suggest you cancel the wedding and host what you and your Fiance can afford.
Post # 9
I don’t think you can “uninvite” them. You can notify that the wedding is postponed, and have it at a different time when you can host those you’ve invited. OR, find another location that will have everyone within your budget on the date you’ve planned.
Final option, which may still be pushing it – maybe others can weigh in on this idea: have the wedding at FI’s or your parents’ place. but ONLY invite immediate family. parents, grandparents, and siblings. One maid of honor and one best man to witness, but no other friends or attendants. Write a note to each person who received a STD that you wish you could have celebrated with them, but due to unforeseen circumstances you had to cancel the big wedding and marry with only immediate family present. I think you either uninvite all or none of your guests, and if you have to do it, this would maybe be the best way.
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
*LADIES OF THE BEE*
Let this serve as a warning that Save-The-Date Cards are NOT for your entire guest list. They are for your VIPs only.
OP, realistically, you can cancel the wedding and save up, find a free/super cheap venue, or look into options like hosting an afternoon reception of cake and punch (not over a meal time) that would fit within your budget.
Post # 12
alf517: as PPs have said, and like you know already, you can’t really uninvite people without it being rude (whether you have good intentions/reasons or not). the one and only reasonable option in that vein is to take blushingbride2bee: ‘s advice.
also i think something to keep in mind, is that if you do cancel/postpone and plan a wedding a year or two from now when you can (financially) host it yourselves, be sure that you at least consider including the same guests from this time around. if they received an STD this time, then learn that due to venue you have to postpone, and then are not included once you have a new venue, they are basically still uninvited, just nicer.
hold off until you can afford to host the wedding, and i would suggest going with a contracted venue. that’s the only way you have some recourse if needed and security overall.
Post # 13
No, there is never an okay way to uninvite. Postponement is definitely the most gracious option here!
Post # 14
Thanks everyone for you input so far! When talking about having the wedding at his parents house it would just be Grandparents, Parents, Siblings, and bridal party. Basically the absolute closest people to us and no one else.
Post # 15
OP if i were a person who you would have to univite I would 100% understand. I assume that if i was one of the people you sent a save the date to, that I meant something to you and that you meant something to me and I would feel ABSOLUTLY HORRIBLE if i was part of the reason you had to postpone your marriage.