(Closed) Help please :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4824 posts
Honey bee

Sometimes relationships don’t work and, unfortunately, college is an instigator of this a lot of times. People grow a lot when they go to college and they do not always grow together and in the same way. 

I would keep an open mind about getting back together should it workout next semester, but also remember that you are going to college and there is a lot to learn. Not just about your major, but about yourself. There are things to do, people to meet, places to explore. 

Go in with an open mind.  You can not make him treat you the way you deserve so if he isnt being what you want, then he has made his choice about being with you. 

Post # 4
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

If you guys are meant to be together, you will end up together. I know its cliche, but its true

Post # 5
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Pearl610:  It sounds like he felt you weren’t giving him time to be himself.

Video chatting 3 times a day is a LOT to ask of someone who has just gone away to college. You both should be immersing yourselves in the college experience and making new friends.

It sounds like your expectations of how much you’d talk are a bit high and unrealistic. 

For the time being I’d say that if you want the relationship to work, you have an open and honest conversation with each other about how often is feasible to talk.

Maybe try to video chat once a day (or sometimes once every other day if school gets busy). 

Be there for him with his family problems. It sounds like all he’s getting from you right now is “I need attention, pay attention to me, you aren’t giving me enough attention” which would wear thin on anyone’s nerves. 

Since you will be in the same place next year, it makes sense to try and make things work, but requiring him to video chat you 3 times a day is just crazy!

Good luck to you and to him.

Post # 6
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsSl82be:  Agreed…cliche but so true.

I was in this same situation in college and finally it got to the point where my HS sweetheart and I were just in different places. We took a break and I remember (silly I know) but I remember getting my hair done that week and telling the hairdresser that I’m sure it will just be a break because I wanted to still be with him…

cut to 6 months later when I realized how much happier I was without him and found my current Fiance and now looking back at the HS sweetie…it was so different and so wrong but I wouldn’t know how special my Fiance is if I hadn’t gone through that.

… That was my situation but you two may end up back together once you both are more settled in your own lives… Whatever happens is meant to be and just be open to either option. Don’t close yourself off to other options but if you keep thinking and wanting to be with your current Boyfriend or Best Friend then work on things next semester.

Good luck… I hope that helped 😉

Post # 7
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Most high school to college relationships do not work. You do not get to demand the same amount of attention that you could when you saw him every day in class. Plus, there are so many more distractions around.

My advice? You’re so young! And you’re in college. It’s a breeding ground for great guys! Date around, get your mind off of your high school boyfriend, and enjoy your time as an adult. Seriously, you wont regret it in the long run. It might be hard the first couple weeks without him to talk to, but the more you depend on him, the more dependent you’ll be. And no one wants that, especially a long distance boyfriend.

Post # 8
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Op, you are young, college is a time for all kinds of things you get to experience. People change so much over that time, as a PP said most high school to college relationships don’t work.  Go enjoy life, as another PP said if you and him are meant to be together then you will. You can’t force things. 

Post # 9
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Ugh… don’t take this as talking down to you or anything, because I’ve been there.  In HS I dated the same guy for three years, then did an “amicable” break up when I went to college, with the (hindsight 20/20) naive intention of getting back together someday.  Well it turned less than amicable when he totally lost interest in maintaining a freindship, and by December he had a new Girlfriend.

Let me tell you though, in college you will meet SO MANY great people who have the same goals and interests as you.  If I had read this to myself when I was 18 and had just been dumped, I would have called myself a liar and say that no one understands.  But 3 months after we stopped talking for good I met the guy who is now my fiance, and he is so much more that my ex ever was or ever could have been!

If anything, being heartbroken and alone for my first semester of college really taught me how to care for myself and pull myself out of something that I never thought I could get through. it WILL get better, but you need to move on from this guy.


Edit: I reread the OP, do you mean you’re transferring colleges to be with this guy? If you’re having problems now, transferring is not going to help them.  Long distance relationships are hard, but if you guys can’t make the relationship work apart, I think you should reconsider being with him.  A friend of mine transferred schools halfway across the country to be with a guy she was dating, and by october of fall semester they were broken up.  DON’T give up your happiness for a guy who can’t treat you with respect!

Post # 10
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ok, let me start this by explaining that I am marrying the guy I fell in love with before I left for college. A few months later (although we’d been friends 1.5 years first) we left for school, a good 9 hour drive apart from each other. You absolutely change during college, you get busy, you get new interests, you grow in so many ways that it almost impossible to believe until after you’ve gone through it. Most high school relationships end by Thanksgiving break your freshman year, almost all are done by the end of freshman year. That is for a good reason–you BOTH change, you BOTH stop being the person in that relationship who fell in love with the other.  My Fiance and I are still together because we worked extremely hard to grow together–it wasn’t easy and a HUGE part of it was just damn good luck that the person I became was able to fall in love with the person he became, and vice-versa. I phrase it like that because in somany ways it was like starting a new relationship with someone.  You need to decide if you love your boyfriend for the person he is today, and not how he was 3 years ago or even 3 months ago (that’s a long time for college freshman)—and you need to decide if the person you are now can love him as he is now. Couples do go through rough spots that can be worked on, but honestly at this stage of your life what is really happening is that you’re both growing up and you need to see if you’re growing together.

Post # 11
4323 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012


I don’t know if you will end up with this guy or not. I can’t tell you that.

I can tell you that long distance is hard. My Fiance and I have been together just over 9 years, and we spent 6.5 of those years 4 + hours apart (up to 12 hours at one point).  He was my high school sweetheart, and we made it, so it does happen.

But on a break or together, you both need space to grow as people.  Love does not have an age limit, as you said, but you will both change in the next few years.  Perhaps as you change, it will be in a compatible way, perhaps not.  Either way, that space is essential. My first year at college, my Fiance and I talked on the phone once or twice a week – part of an LDR is learning to live without the attention you are used to for the time being.  Starting making new friends where you are and let him do that same.  You don’t want to look back and realize you missed out on college because you were hanging too tightly to an element of high school.

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