- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
Sorry this is long, I tried to make it as short as possible. The issue is dealing with a “distant” dad, who has chosen a new spouse over an adult child…(FH’s dad).
Ladies, I need some advice. I am not sure how to “cheer up”/talk to my FH about this, and hoping that someone here might have some insight from their own similar experience, or an experience similar with their FH.
My FH’s mom and dad divorced when he was starting high school, and each remarried soon after. My FH has nothing but good things to say about his parents growing up – and his dad was legitimately, a great dad to him. His dad is a very good person, I like his dad a lot. FH isn’t upset about the divorce – it was good for his parents, that isn’t the issue. The woman his dad remarried (let’s call her SM) is a “difficult” person, and she and FH have never really gotten along (she has always been very nice to me, for what it’s worth). FH has always felt like “the red-headed step-child” with her.
My FH feels like his dad has chosen this woman over him – which, he has. (lots of long stories – in short, FH isn’t being a drama-queen about this. Apparently SM was quite verbally abusive to FH when he was in high school and after, and his dad completely ignored it, even though he was in the room, etc.). My FH is not the type who lies or exagerates about this type of thing, so I believe him.
My FH has brought up twice in the past week that he really misses his dad, and is sad that he isn’t as close to his dad as he is to his mom. He says it really upsets him when he thinks about how his dad/SM will treat our child. I asked him if he wanted to talk to his dad about this, and he said he doesn’t know how to start the conversation. But ladies, FH looked like he was going to cry! 🙁 It’s obviously upsetting him a lot.
One problem is that he isn’t allowed to talk to his dad on the phone alone – SM has to be on the line as well – they are not “allowed” to have private conversations. This has been going on for 20 years, and FH dad won’t put a stop to it, so it is what it is. Any discussion will either need to be with SM listening, or in person.
Has anyone here had parents be great parents to them when they were little – and then favored a new spouse over the adult child? Has anyone’s partners parents done this? How did you discuss with your parent? Can you offer any advice?
I have a great relationship with my dad (well, with both parents), and feel out of my league with this. I don’t know what advice to offer. I asked him if he wanted to talk to my dad about this, who would be more than happy to talk to FH, but he said he didn’t know.
What can I do to help? 🙁