- Miss Burgundy
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: May 2010
Hey ladies, I’ve got…a potential situation brewing here and I’d love to hear some thoughts.
When I got engaged to my FI, I thought carefully about which friends I wanted to ask to be in my wedding party. I wanted friends who I knew would last, that I was not only friends with at the present but that I did not doubt I would be friends with ten or twenty years from now. I wanted friends that I trusted, shared my life with, and liked my FI. I picked 3 friends to be in my wedding party. I’ve had a couple problems but overall these ladies have been great and supportive. However, they are more like “long-distance friends”, in that they aren’t people I really see every day because of distance/time constraints. We see each other maybe every few months when possible, but they’re people I can talk to about anything and just really trust and know to be good people.
One of them, (let’s call her Arlene) is a friend of mine from college. She and I have not lived in the state since college, but we keep in contact through social web applications and email. Recently, she’s had some finding a job, so she’s decided to travel a bit. While traveling, she’s done several things that I find….morally questionable. She cheated on her boyfriend while she was traveling, insisting that she didn’t care about him much and intended to break up with him eventually anyway. The guy she cheated on him with was a married man. She had this fling with him, and when it became evident that it was going nowhere, she fessed up to her boyfriend and dumped him. While I find this all morally objectionable and something I wouldn’t do, I realize these are her personal decisions and they shouldn’t impact my friendship with her. I feel like she’s allowed to be stupid knowing what the concequences are.
However, about a month ago, she went traveling again and volunteered at a homeless shelter. She told me that this particular homeless shelter caters to people who were formerly sex offenders, violent criminals and substance abusers. Because the people at this shelter came from particularly dangerous situations, she was instructed not to give out information about herself or to be alone with anyone at the shelter for her own safety, and this was a rule of the shelter. After a week or so of work here, she was fired from her volunteer job because she broke these rules and the shelter felt that she was acting in an unsafe fashion. She confided to me via email that she felt that she had done nothing wrong or unsafe and she thought this was unfair. I responded to her that I was sure the shelter thought they were acting in her best interests and were only concerned for her well being.
I just found out that Arlene actually got involved with one of the guys she met at the shelter. She went out with him multiple times while she was there, she’s apparently still in contact with him and plans to see him again and has some sort of relationship with him.
Now, I’m not really sure how to feel. I am really worried about my friend. This guy lived at a shelter for sex offenders and violent criminals, for crying out loud. He’s homeless. Not to say that people can’t be reformed but I can’t help but feel a little put off by this, especially because she wasn’t forthcoming to me about it after she got fired from the shelter (she hasn’t even personally told me about it yet, I found out through facebook). I’m not really sure what to do because I am really just so put off by her behavior. I am willing to hear her out if she decides to tell me about it, but it seems like she’s having a trend of dangerous behavior and I don’t like it. I don’t want a friend who constantly puts herself at risk of danger, and lies and cheats. This is still sort of tenative, but if her behavior continues I kind of just want to break off my friendship with her and tell her she’s not in my wedding and is not invited to it.
Am I out of line here, or do you think I’m making a good call? Thanks in advance for your opinion.