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Let it go and say, "Ok, thanks for letting me know". You can hash out the ugly details after the wedding if it still matters to you at that point.
Just ignore it and don't say anything. If shes the type who likes to be the center of attention all it will do is give her more reason to believe she is the center of everyone's world becase you guys are upset she backed out. Don't give her that satisfaction. It sucks but telling her off won't really make any difference to you or you sister, I'm sure she won't change her mind and be back in. She'll feel worse about it if no one even acknowledges her absense.
I agree with DG just say OK and move on - she can't be much of a 'Friend' anyway so no need to waste your energy on someone so petty!!!!!
I wouldn't even respond or acknowledge her. I agree with Noelle - she'll feel worse if she isn't missed.
I wouldn't even acknowledge her. Not even worth friending her. It's too bad that your sister chose her in the first place.
DON'T respond angrily!!! You'll say thing you may regret. And, honestly, it's not your place to do so.
If you can, go hang out with your sister and let her vent, if she needs to. It's too bad the BM couldn't have been more upfront about things. Confrontation does strange things to people and some handle it better than others. It's better she let it known NOW vs. letting any more time pass.
I totally understand wanting to stick up for your sister ... but let her fight her own battles. And, be thankful you don't have to deal with this gal as part of the wedding party anymore!!
Thanks girls! I'm so protective of my sister, I actually punched an older kid when we were younger who was picking on her and was sent to the principals office!
You are all right, it's not my battle to fight and i will probably regret any harsh words. Thanks for the advice! :)
I agree with everyone else, but would add that if you hold your tongue, you can also feel secure in knowing that you took the higher road.
(This coming from someone who loses her temper easily, so I know how you feel! I would want to let her have it, too!)
I would first console your sister as I'm sure she's feeling pretty low at this point about the whole deal (and as MOH, it's your duty!). Secondly, ignore the girl and her pettiness. She is vying for attention and by acknowledging her ridiculous behavior, she is getting the attention she craves (like small children, negative attention is better than no attention at all). Go on about your business and I would say don't mention it again. You seem like you were prepared, thinking that this might happen, so it shouldn't be too much of a shock (although how incredibly RUDE of her to do it publicly, on Facebook). I'm sure your sister's wedding will be wonderful and you all will have less to worry about now that miss rude is out of the picture (last thing you and your sister need is to be chasing around a stray BM who can't keep her stuff together or be 'bothered' to return calls).
I truly think that this turned out for the best, although I'm sure it certainly hurt your sister and upset you both.
Good Luck,
-Bella
I have a younger sis so I know how you feel too. I agree w/DG and other posters to let her be.
Giving it to her on Facebook will not accomplish a thing. One saying my grandma always told me was "don't wrestle with a pig. You'll get all muddy and the pig will love it."
Leave her alone. Let it be all about her because when "finals" are over and it's time for her wedding, who will stand up for her if she isn't kind to her friends? She may find herself standing alone.
Give your sis a hug.
I think it's great you're willing to stand up for your sister like this, but like others said, it is kind of her battle. Just be the best MOH you can be--it sounds like you're doing a pretty great job already! And you're lucky she's out now before she stresses you out too much on the wedding day :)
Just know that your silence is probably driving the BM nuts. She probably expects a reaction out of you, so surprise her and take the high road.
And best of luck to you and your sister! It sounds like it will work out for the better.
I'm a big sister and I totally get where you're coming from, but this doesn't involve you and you need to stay out of it. It's between your sister and her friend.
She's insensitive, cowardly & an extremely selfish person... she responded via facebook?? I'd want to tell her to go to hell.
However, it's never a good idea to do things in anger. Let it be. She burned the bridge that represented their friendship & she'll have to live with that. Ignore her & just be the best MOH YOU can be to make up for her crappy attitude & actions.
Well, there isn't a principal's office to get sent to now, if you get my drift.
Hehe Just kidding! Kind of...she is a total you know what for doing this.
I agree with cinemaparadismo (btw love the cookie monster !) I would say what you need to say in a tactful way because balling it up inside will eat away at you until finally one day you explode. The way the bridesmaid did you make me want to SOL (shart out loud). Lose the hero and get you a zero! Anyway, she shouldn't have took it there , oh no, she di-unt but at least you found out in time. It will all work out mijita. xoxo
As childish as this sounds, I'd remove her from your friends list and I think your sister should do the same then you should just never speak to her again. She's an unreliable, inconsiderate friend- do you REALLY want to keep in touch with someone like that? Removing her should get the message across.
Just say okay, thanks for letting me know, and LET IT GO. Vent here, vent to your FI, but DON'T give in to the middle school drama game and blow it out of proportion. Sounds like you knew this was coming, so you shouldn't be too surprised. If you're still smarting once the wedding is completely over, then talk to her about how hurt you were, but NOW IS NOT THE TIME.
Also, whatever, whenever, you choose to do, Facebook is NOT the appropriate way.
If she makes your sister feel small and insignificant, then this is a blessing! Your sister doesn't need a showboat making her feel belittled in any way on her wedding day. Look at it this way: The skies have cleared!
I agree, if this is the kind of friend she is, it's better she's not in the wedding. Who knows what she'd be pulling the day of the wedding?
The high road is good don't get me wrong. The problem is that some people
never get called on the bad things they do to hurt other people and they know
it so they keep on doing whatever they want because they know that nobody will
tell them anything. You have an obligation to stand up for your
friends and family. I think you can do both: First say something on behalf of your
sister who got screwed over (((like - "Hey ex-bridesmaid, you were wrong, you know
you were wrong, I know you were wrong, everybody else doesn't like what you did
and your little evil deeds are gonna catch up with you someday!" *SNAP !! TTYN!(Talk to you never) BRBN (Be right back never!)))
and then wash your hands of this ex-bridesmaid. Because she needs to Talk to the hand, Mamatita!
And yes, I totally went there!
PS "I'm not being MEAN, I'm being ME !" - Poochies from the movie 'El Cantante'
Well, if your sister hasn't sent out invites yet, she could proably not send one to former BM. If former BM asks why not, she could reply, "Oh, you told me you can't make it because you're too busy and it's too expensive."
I know . . . probably a tacky response . . . .
Clearly this girl is a horrible friend. Don't respond. I agree with previous posters - she wants to be missed and she wants to feel important. Don't give her the satisfaction.
Iswim - My sister actually asked her if she should even send an invitation and the BM said "Well, no because I don't want to back out on something else so I'd rather just not get invited".
Can you believe it??
Wow, moderdaisy, unbelieveable! Your sister sounds like a really loyal friend. It's unfortunate that the really good friends sometimes end up with crazy ones. Sometimes it's amazing how thoughtless people can be. You're a great sister . . . remind yours what a great friend she can be.
There is nothing that says you have to remain friends with this person. The same way you would break up with a guy if he did something like this, you should break up with this friend. And I would tell her the way she treated a really important event in your sister's life was not in the way you find appropriate and acceptable to maintain a friendship. She'll probably come back at you with how your sister is being selfish by making her spend money and her time blah blah blah, but that's what friends DO for each other. They do not treat each other flippantly. And if she lacks the decency to treat your sister with that respect and handle the situation appropriately, she is not someone to continue counting as a friend.
I agree with the previous posters - don't give her the satisfaction. Just be there for your sister and be glad that this horrible wench is not going to ruin her wedding day.
I agree with Mr Pug, it needs to be brought to her attention what she did wrong. Otherwise how can she learn from her mistakes.
Honestly, it sounds like you all dodged a bullet. I would wait until after your sister's ceremony if you want to say something. If you go off on this girl now, it won't achieve anything positive. She'll get to act as if she is the victim and you're not being understanding because she is a poor student. Drama spreads fast and you don't want this to be a topic among friends on the big day. There are so many ways that this could go terribly wrong and the last thing your sister needs is even more stress.
You don't want someone to make your sister feel small and miserable on her wedding day. Let the heifer sit this one out. For now, put the sour feelings on the shelf. Help the remaining maids rally around your sister and make sure she has a wonderful day and feels like a star. Afterwards, if you still feel like dealing with it, go ahead.
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Beekeeper
Hi Bees,
I really need your help right now!! I posted before about the bridesmaid who I thought would drop out from my sisters wedding (dec 5th). She just did! After months of not responding to ANY messages from my sister or the bridesmaids (including myself, the MOH), not attending the bachelorette party and not responding to the shower invitation, she finally responded to my sisters FACEBOOK message saying "Oh, and about the wedding - I don't think I'll be able to make it because the dress is too expensive and it's right after Finals week".
This is the most selfish girl I've ever known - she always makes my sister feel so small and unimportant, hogging all the attention for herself. Everything is about her. I am so ANGRY right now I want to facebook her (yes, she is one of my friends) and really give her a piece of my mind!!
What should I do?? Bad Idea? Good idea? Help!!