Post # 1
Ok girls, this WILL be a long and depressing post. But I feel I need some kind of support or incouraging words to get me through.
I am 5’3 206lbs, a plus sized girl obviously. I am kind of dreading my wedding day. You know those photos you see of men crying when they first see their brides? I am almost certain my FH will have no such reaction.
I am so frightened of just looking hidious on my day. I have read previous post about things like this. And most replys say something along the lines of “your FH loves you the way you are thats why he asked you to marry him”. Well that doesnt really work for me because most of the time I feel he is SERIOUSLY just settling for me. We have been together for 7+ years. So I guess its just easier for him.
And before people say you have enough time to go on a diet before your wedding, i know this. I was on a diet and lost about 20+ pounds in just a year. Admitily it is hard, but with my thyroid conditon its hard to lose weight it makes it more difficult and slow especially without medication and I have no medical insurance, so no chance of that. I gained all the pounds back when I had to stop because of serious financial issues. HOPEFULLY that will work out and I can start it again and lose those few pounds again before the wedding.But even then I still feel hidious. Before the weight got put back on I did a semi dress shopping with my MOH. Lets just say it was not a pleasant experience.
I am so saddened by the thought of not feeling good on my day and never wanting to look at my photos because of how bad I look. And my FH not being thrilled to marry me. I am dreading seeing that fake smile he does most of the time.
PLEASE GIRLS HELP ME ANY WAY YOU CAN!!
Post # 3
@LauraVolkmer: I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I too am 5ft 3in and about 212 on a good day, I thought dress shopping would be horrific, I had some good experiences and some bad, and there were days that I left a salon feeling huge. But I had to stop and tell myself, he met me when I was fat, fell in love with me still being fat and has asked me to marry him still being fat. Maybe instead of focusing all your negative attention on your body try to focus on something you do like about yourself and try to enhance that, weather it be your eyes, hair, face, chest or your personality. I know for me I hate the fact that my tummy pokes out but I love the hourglass shape I have, when I see myself straight on, that and my eyes.
Maybe you should talk to your FI and tell him your insecurities, you’re planning on a life with this man and he should know, what your fears are going into this. Ask him point blank if he’s “settling”. It sounds like you want reassurance from your FI, whether it be about how he feels about the relationship or you and maybe even the way you look. If that’s what you need then tell him you would like some positive affirmation every once in a while. Maybe tell him you need more compliments or hugs and kisses.
Can you try talking to a counselor? Remember, it’s not your fault, you have a currently uncontrolled medical condition. You can’t blame yourself for that.
I think you need to work on liking/loving yourself a bit more. Remember that we can’t base our self worth on the size we wear. it will get you nowhere. You need to learn to be happy in the body given to you, because beauty is only skin deep. If you feel beautiful on the inside it will shine through on your wedding day.
So chin up girly, rock your curves and work on loving yourself for who you are as a person not what you look like in the mirror.
Post # 4
I find it really concerning that you think your FI is just settling for you. I think you really need to talk to him about this, or a counsellor perhaps. It’s not normal to feel that way, and no one should ever marry anyone they feel has settled for them. If you don’t absolutely know in your heart that he is marrying you because he loves, respects and cherishes you for the wonderful person you are, then he is not the right one.
Please take some time and talk to someone about your feelings. It’s not normal to feel that way about yourself or the man you are about to marry, regardless of what size you are. Every bride is beautiful on her wedding day, and it has nothing to do with her size. A bride is beautful because she is radiant, happy, and beaming with love for her husband to be. And you deserve a man who will be beaming right back at you from the other end of the aisle.
Post # 5
@futureMrsTapp: While I agree that it isn’t ever normal for someone to feel that her FI is “settling” for her, I don’t necessarily think that these feelings on her part mean there is anything wrong with him, his attitude, or their relationship. Rather, I think the OP’s feelings in this regard might well be simply a side effect of her low self-esteem. If she has a poor self-image and is feeling extremely insecure, a loving smile could easily be misinterpreted as a “fake” smile…and so on. You see what I mean. She is feeling very down on herself, and is likely projecting those emotions to those around her…her FI included. So, it is entirely likely that he loves her more than anything in the world and treats her as such, but she finds it impossible to believe that this could be true. I am willing to bet that this might be the case in the OP’s instance!
Either way, though, this situation is very sad for all those involved. OP, perhaps you might want to consider seeing a therapist who specializes in self-esteem issues. No woman, regardless of her size or any other physical feature, should ever feel this negatively about herself! You should love and appreciate yourself for the beautiful woman that you are, and have faith that others around you see something wonderful when they look at you. Every bride is beautiful! Every single one. You will be no exception, I absolutely promise. 🙂
Post # 6
I just want to say that I am sorry you are feeling so awful! I struggle with my weight and self image as well so I understand just how horrible it feels. Try to be kind to yourself. ~Hugs~
Post # 7
@LauraVolkmer: Welcome to the bee, I’m sorry you are feeling that way. I am the same height but I weigh quite a bit more. I had the same feelings as you, but you know what? I felt like an absolute princess on my wedding day.
Your FI is going to look at you and his breath will be taken away. I promise you, when your big day comes you won’t be thinking about the insecurities.
Feel free to look in my past posts at my wedding photos. I’m a big girl who put those insecurities aside that day 🙂
Post # 8
Ooh, yes, I totally recommend looking at some of @Lyndzo‘s pictures…the lady is seriously drop-dead gorgeous, and she rocks those curves! 🙂
Post # 9
@LauraVolkmer: I’m sorry for your thyroid issue and that you’re having these doubts about yourself. It must be very frustrating to have something so beyond your control be as big of a hurdle as our society makes it. However, let me tell you something true: there ARE guys who genuinely like all sorts of different body types, and the fact that you and your FH have been together this long should give you confidence that he loves you for who you are.
There are many different ways to be beautiful, and tall skinny girls don’t have a monopoly on it. Stop letting the media and shallow people in our society make you feel bad for who you are.
As an anecdote….I spent three months in India several years ago. I once heard a lady say “I wish I looked like Ann (another lady)….she’s so short and round and cute!” Stuff like this is entirely cultural. Don’t let it get you down.
Post # 10
Post # 11
@CookieCharmer: I totally agree with what you said. I didn’t mean to imply she shouldn’t marry him because he’s settling for her, only that she needs to find out if that is actually the truth, or if her perception of how he feels about her is somewhat warped due to self-esteem issues. She deserves to know for sure that she is his “one”. Either way, I think you’re right… a good counsellor is the best thing she can do.
Post # 12
I first want to thank ya’ll for all of your advice
@pichansen i think if I were big when we got together I would feel a little ressured about what he thinks about my look, but the fact is we got together in highschool when my waist was a size 2 (i wore a 5 jeans to get it over a$$ though lol). I got big after we were together for a while. And im not sure how beautiful i am “skin deep” as well. Im consistently depressed or down or upset about something, and I come off quite lazy, even though as i sit there I constantly want to have the energy to get up. (i just recently found out by reading other post that all those things seem to be cause by the thyroid i previously mentioned.)
@CookieCharmer I think you may be completley right. But all still this is how I feel. I try not to, I so much would want to think and feel any other way. Its just so hard to think that I could be loved at all, when I absoluetly feel like there is nothing to love. And I would love to see a therapist. I am not oblivious the the fact that I have issues. I actually use to have a VERY good one. But like I said we are going through some serious financial issues right now, and she cost $75 a session when i was seeing her once a week!
I just want to add something. I think another thing is that when we first got together I was my lowest weight ever and he was chunky but by no means fat, and we slowly started gaining weight together. Then a couple years ago we found out he has Diabetes, and somehow he just dropped the weight in a snap. Seriosuly no fat on him, he only has a LITTLE roll when he sits down that i believe is just extra skin (which is now toning out as well because of his physical job). But sometimes he pinches it and gets all upset about it. Which just makes me feel worse about myself because if he thinks HE is getting fat then what does he really think of me. Also ESPECIALLY since he dropped the weight… he is AMAZINGLY hot, I mean he was hot before but now WOW. And I know we get looks and people just think “what is HE doing with HER?”. And a really feel if other people think that, he probably does to from time to time, at least.
Post # 13
@LauraVolkmer: You can’t compare yourself to the way you were in high school, if I did that I would freakout daily. Also the way he views himself (body image wise) does not reflect on you in the least, mens’ minds are just different that way, he probably makes no connection there at all. This self image thing is in your head, please stop comparing yourself to your past and to others and your FI, it will only make your mind wander to places it ought not go.
I’m sure your FI loves you just the way your are and I’m sure, if your medical issues have been discussed openly, that he knows that your weight issues are a medical problem and not being lazy. Finding the energy to do anything but be miserable is hard, I’ve been there. I seriously recommend talking to a counselor. You need to learn to love yourself the way you want to be loved before you can expect anyone else to love you in the way you deserve. You obviously want him to show you that he loves you, right, so take the steps you need to get yourself the support need and deserve.
Priority #!: yourself
Post # 14
P.S. I saw this on FB this morning and thought it was applicable to this situation
“Your weight is only a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty,talent purpose, life force, strength or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned.”
Also if you want to inspiration on how beautiful thick girls can be check out Thick Girls are Dope onf FB. I know this page has given me more confidence in my own skin.
Post # 15
I feel a little bit frivolous even posting this right now, but the other Bees are doing such a great job of covering other bases, so here is $0.02 …
If you’re located in Houston, and you don’t have a dress yet and are dreading shopping for one, and funds are tight, think about checking out the Brides Against Breast Cancer gown sale that will be happening there next month. They have gowns in the full range of sizes (a mix of pre-owned and new) so you can go try on dresses you can actually get into; they are very affordably priced; and the sale is a fundraiser – the money you spend goes to help women dealing with breast cancer. The volunteers who staff the event are really great, too. I hope that if you sort everything out and still feel that you do want to marry this man, you can find a stunningly beautiful dress at this event and feel good about how you look and how you’re supporting a worthy cause.
Post # 16
First, I really think you need to figure out the issue of you thinking that your future husband doesn’t find you attractive. MAYBE that’s true and then you honestly need to evaluate if you should marry someone who isn’t attracted to you. or (more likely I think), MAYBE you’re self conscious about your weight gain and it makes you think he is thinking things he isn’t.
I can totally relate to you because I am 5’6″ but weight more than you (and did on my wedding day) and my husband is 6’3″ and in great shape. And here is a true story. I was feeling particularly fat one day before a date and put on a shirt I thought looked good even though it was tighter than I’d like on my stomach. I came downstairs and my husband gave me kind of a weird look and I was CONVINCED he thought I looked fat. I turned around, went upstairs and put on a different shirt. When I came back down he asked why I changed and I told him that he gave me a weird look and I thought he didn’t like that shirt. He told me he gave me a look because my boobs looked really hot and he thought really, I should go put the shirt back on. Point being— if I wouldn’t have changed/said something I would’ve felt bad about myself all day thinking my husband was thinking I was fat. But really that wasn’t true AT ALL. Our minds are funny.
And, this is us: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/corgi-wedding-people
Corsets are amazing lol.