Post # 1
I’m a regular poster but I don’t want this linked to my account.
My beloved Maid/Matron of Honor recently had a baby and is planning to bring her to the wedding. She’ll be six months by the date. She also has colic and while it’s gotten better, she still screams her head off frequently. Poor thing has horrible gas and is always so uncomfortable. 🙁 My Fiance isn’t thrilled at all about her being at the wedding, but I’ve exhausted all other options with her and she’s determined to have her there. Ok, fine.
Her family was set on driving to the wedding instead of flying because of all the gear they need. I’ve already arranged a pack ‘n play in their hotel room so I’m guessing she needs strollers and stuff. Made sense, and I offered to pay for her gas and tolls because we paid for the bridesmaids’ plane tickets. Plus, I couldn’t afford the spouses’ tickets and the other girls were fine with it, and I knew my Maid/Matron of Honor couldn’t afford to fly her husband in.
I got a frantic text from her earlier this evening that they attempted a two hour road trip and the baby wouldn’t stop screaming bloody murder. The wedding is six hours away from their city. So..they’d now rather fly. Of course I’ll get her plane ticket, but this will mean that she will have to buy her husband’s plane ticket or I will. She absolutely cannot afford it, but no one else can take care of the baby while she’s in the ceremony. I realize she’s a grown woman and the decision to spend that money is hers, but I know every detail of their financial problems and I can’t just stand by and watch her spend money that should go to her baby or groceries to buy this plane ticket just because she feels obligated to. I also really don’t have wiggle room in the budget any more either.
What do I do??
Post # 3
That is a tough situation, and it’s really nobody’s fault – just seems like an unlucky set of circumstances. 🙁 You seem like you have been great and accommodating, paying for your BMs’ plane tickets and offering to pay her gas costs if she had to drive versus flying. It’s understandable that you can’t afford to pay for all their dates too – in fact, many BMs who have to travel have to pay their own way, so you seem very generous by buying the BMs’ tickets in the first place.
I think you have no further obligation beyond what you have done already. Her choice seems to be to 1) find a way to pay her husband’s plane ticket, 2) come without her hubby (and leave baby with him if nobody else can watch the baby during the ceremony), or 3) decide not to come at all if the other two options aren’t feasible. It is a crappy situation all around, for sure. If I were you, I’d say something to her like, “I am so sorry, but I just can’t afford to pay for a plane ticket for John too. I know this is a stressful time for you and I don’t want you to feel burdened or be placed in a bad financial situation because of my wedding. Whatever you decide to do, I will understand – even if it means you aren’t able to travel at all. Do what is best for you and your family.”
I’m sorry. 🙁
Post # 4
@GreenGables: #3 is what my Fiance suggested too. She won’t leave without the baby because she’s breastfeeding and can’t pump enough to sustain her daughter for a couple days.
I might suggest meeting her halfway with her husband’s ticket.
What a sucky situation. 🙁 Thanks though
Post # 5
At this point you have gone way above and beyond the call of duty, it is so generous of you to pay for your bridesmaids’ transportation.
Just be honest with her. She knows the deal with the other bridesmaids (that you aren’t covering spouse/partner travel) so she shouldn’t expect you to cover her husband’s ticket. If they can afford it, they’ll come. If they can’t… it sucks and I’m sure she will be bummed, but these things happen.
Post # 6
> Totally agree.
Side note, as a friend to soooo many mamas who went through something similiar, I hope your Maid/Matron of Honor has tried colic treatments: gas drops (available everywhere), gripe water, rubbing the baby’s belly a certain way (a friend had a yoga instructer explain this one…).
I hope all works out for you!
Post # 7
How old is her baby now? Colic usually goes away by time a baby is 4 months old, you said the baby will be 6 months old by then so colic shouldn’t be a problem.
Post # 8
Finances aside I think it comes down to how much you want your Maid/Matron of Honor at your wedding. I couldn’t imagine myself not getting married without my Maid/Matron of Honor by my side which is why we paid for the airfares, accommodation, travel insurance etc for her, her daughter and her sister (to look after her daughter). Yes it was a struggle but we just ditched other items in our wedding for that to happen (we had no flowers other than my bouquet and her bouquet).
Also I would rather a crying baby then not have my Maid/Matron of Honor there with me.