(Closed) HELP! Relationship help needed!!!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am so sorry you are going through this *hugs*. I know that sickening feeling that you’re talking about and nothing else could feel worse. As hard as it is, I would try and give him the space he needs to he can start thinking clearly bc I don’t think he is right now. You might just need to keep the mantra “you can’t control other people” and as much as you try to help him make or rationalize the decision he has to do it himself. Long distance is TOUGH, but if y’all can come out of this funk, then it’s meant to be. However, if you don’t that just means there is something better out there for you (that’s so cliche, but I believe that everything happens for a reason). I would also try your very best to keep YOU happy because your happiness and feelings need to come first.

Post # 4
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We been in a long distance relationship for our whole relationship, everyone has doubts, the only thing I can tell you is if both people aren’t able to be fully commited and deal with the bumps and complications of having a ldr it won’t work.

You can’t make a unilateral choice to move closer to him after he has indicated that he doesn’t want you moving there. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it sounds like your boyfriend is leaning on the side of wanting to end it, and he probably doesn’t want you uprooting your life for this relationship as he more then likly sees the writing on the wall.

As hard as it is you can’t hold on to something, if he isn’t fully commited to making it work with you. I’m really really sorry.

On unrelated note I think odd that you would be sick to point o vomitting and diarrhea I think it’s possible he had a stomache bug and give it to you.

Post # 6
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

What is your reason for moving there? For the relationship? Or do you like the town where he lives and would want to move there bc of the town? I think exactly like you do and would never want to give my exes there space bc I couldn’t rationalize how that would help the relationship, soi held on together and they slipped away. That’s good that he wants to work out, he definitely cates about you. I would ask him if he thinks he needs his space. If you focus on your happiness, then giving him his space won’t be as difficult.

Post # 9
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

LDRs are very difficult and it’s totally normal to feel distant at one point or another. Whether or not you’ll make it depends on how committed both of you are. It has to be a two-way street or it just won’t work. If both of you want this relationship, I wouldn’t recommend giving him space – in an LDR, it definitely would make me feel more distant. I think you’re just hitting that awkard one-year mark + LDR when the initial honeymooning phase wears off plus adjusting to not being able to spend time together in person. Relationships sometimes need work and you will sometimes not feel 100% connected to your SO. That’s okay. Just talk through your feelings and see what you guys need at this point. Maybe it’s a romantic get away or just more frequent chats. Sorry, this might not have been the most helpful post – I just wanted to let you know that what you guys are feeling is completely normal and me and my FI have been there many times, particularly when we first started our LDR.

Distance is HARD!

Post # 11
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well that’s good that the town is also where your grad school might be. My biggest advice ( and somewhat regret I have) is just to drop all the worry and just let life take its course. Do you like being independent or do you feel more comfortable being dependent on him and being with him rather than friends/doing your own thing?

Post # 13
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree that it’s probably just a funk. My FI and I have gone throguh those funks plenty of times and my reaction is to talk it through over and over again, but that usually makes it worse and the fighting can escalate. But as soon as I started to focus on just enjoying the moment and stopped worrying about every detail in my relationship, it started to smooth out. Y’all are growing and changing, it’s normal to feel like the relationship is different bc you both are growing. But it’s your feelings for each other that important. If he is still in love with you and cares about you deeply, which is what it sounds like, then I don’t think your relationship is doomed. Just keep in mind that this is only making you and your relationship stronger.

Post # 15
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Last year, I started to feel like my relationship was going to end because I was growing and going throguh changes (graduated college, got a new job, decided to move in with him). I thought that he didn’t love me anymore and thought really irrational thoughts and eventually came to the realization that we were at that stage in our relationship when we were just comfortable with each other and kind of started to settle down in our relationship

Post # 16
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Has he had other serious, long-term relationships before? Maybe he’s just adjusting to a long-term gf. There’s a different kind of attraction in a relationship versus a stranger. I think that’s normal, as long as he’s comfortable with that.

You should also talk to him and see if any of this is just a symptom of him not being ready for a long-term relationship. Freak outs about LDRs can sometimes be about committing. One of my exes was like that – we had a great relationship except he was a huge commitment phobe. We broke up a month after I moved away because he just wasn’t ready. He just wanted a fun, easy, physical relationship. Not saying your bf is the necessarily same way, but I don’t know what to make of your bf saying he’s not as attracted to you. 

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