Post # 1
I have only 1 girl cousin and my aunts are already trying the guilt trip on me to have her involved. She’s a lot older, she really wants to have her own wedding but is single, we don’t ever talk except maybe twice a year at family holidays, and she has some learning/processing difficulties which makes it hard for her to understand wedding etiquette. She’s already asked to be in my bridal party and begged me to to let her go dress shopping (she’s not going to be in the bridal party and I’ve gone dress shopping without her and bought the dress).
I don’t want to sound rude or mean but I don’t know what role my cousin can play so that my family feels I am doing the right thing and my cousin feels included. My brother got married last year and my family tried to pressure his wife to include my cousin but they backed off because she wasn’t blood family and understood she had her own friends/family/etc.
Any suggestions or ideas?? She can’t read very well so having her do a reading at the wedding mass isn’t a good idea. No to he being a bridesmaid (I really only want a few people with whom I feel really close). No to throwing the bridal shower (she almost ruined my sister-in-law’s by trying to open her presents and crying about not being married). I’m not sure if I’m having a guest book that she could man (I might just use the photo-booth as the guestbook). I DON’T KNOW!
Post # 3
Ushers/greeter? She could help guests find a seat Nd direct them to the proper side (if you are doing sides. If not, she could tell them they don’t need to pick a side)
Post # 4
What about a personal attendent? Like helping you with your dress. You could still have someone else but include her too? Maybe you can also have her help make decorations and decorate day of.
If it were me, I’d put my foot down, but if you want to avoid the drama that is what I have for you. MIL was upset becuase we didn’t include her half-sister’s neice, whom DH had only met once in his life, as flower girl and DH’s 4 th cousin as an usher (she said DH’s cousin loves him–yeah, that was 15 years ago and they never even came to the wedding anyway so good choice on our part).
Post # 5
Kind of along the lines of “manning the guestbook”, but could she perhaps be stationed near the seating chart, if you are having one, to help people find their seats? This is what my sister and I did at my mom’s second wedding when we were young, as a way for us to be involved.
You mentioned you don’t want her to do a reading at the mass… is this a Catholic mass? If you are doing communion she help bring up the gifts. That’s what my cousins did at my dad’s wedding.
Good luck… I’m sure you’ll come up with something.
Post # 6
Are you doing programs? Maybe she can hand out those?
Post # 7
Even with some learning disabilities, she sounds like a brat.
I’d offer her (well, really her mom’s asking, right?) flower girl or nothing – seems to suit her level of maturity.
I would be saying NO to my family – just because she’s older and not married doesn’t make that my problem, and it certainly doesn’t mean my wedding is her pity party.
AND, I wouldn’t invite her to my shower after she pulled a stunt like that!!!
Honestly it sounds like the healtiest role for this girl is to not be involved at all.
But other than that, assign her some role that makes it clear to her that she isn’t really involved with the bride – not your bridal assistant, or even handing out the ceremony programs, but maybe something like the person who hands out the favors at the end of the night.
Post # 8
I’d ask her AND HER MOTHER to hand out programs. That way, she is well supervised and she has a job. Get her a corsage if you think it would help her feel a bit more included.
Post # 9
What if you put her in charge of running errands. My mom and I went to a wedding and we were orginally just in charge of the guestbook but ended up doing that, putting on the boutonnieres, tracking down a MIA GM, getting the bride when it was time for her walk, detouring the groom when he was about to run into the bride, pointing out the bathroom and giving guest basic information, taking stuff to the bridal suit, just small last minute things that needed to be done and the poor MOB who was super frazzled and busy would have lost it if we weren’t there to do all that. It was fun and kept us busy and if we were screw anything up it could have easily been fixed by someone else. Just ask her and her mom to do this, call them your very important DOCs and get them some coursages.
Post # 10
@Amelia2014: Since she seems old enough, how about having her as one of the “witnesses” for signing the marriage license during/after mass?
Post # 11
a greeter at the door and to direct people were to sit to keep the isle seats even.